When I was a boy, all I wanted was to be a man.
The teachers told me,
My parents told me,
I told myself
All I ever wanted was to be a man.
Now I am nineteen, and a man.
All that time trying,
striving,
for manhood.
Now I want it all back...

Nothing
hungers
more
for
your
monsters
like
an
empty
page.

1:26 am
My eyes are burning
Can't sleep
Can't think
But you're still there
Back of my mind
All of the time
1:27 am
Floor to ceiling
I'm down here
You're up there
I can't take the stairs
That would be the hard way out
1:28 am
I could crush the place down  
Take the easy route
1:29 am
But how
Do I know what to say
When you've watered me
To the ground
1:30 am
And how the **** do I stay
Mad
When you're only
Begging me to blossom
1:31 am
I love you
For taking my heart
And planting it in your garden
1:32 am
I love you still
For letting me grow
1:33 am
But my eyes are burning still
Because what do we have to show?

Last night
In a dream
You said
"Would you like to get out of your comfort zone?"
And this morning
I woke up
From that dream
I thought
When should I tell him
He is my comfort zone
And I never want to leave

I spent the day wishing
To go back to sleep
To go back to that dream
Because last night
I woke
Before you told me
What you meant
By the outside of my comfort zone
And I am waiting
For my eyes to doze off
For you to tell me
Where my comfort zone isn't
So that I can say
In a sentence designed only for you
"You are my comfort zone."

And now it is the night after last
And my mind is painting
A warm safe place
The brushes are soft,
The blues are fading
Brighter tones are splashed across my tattered canvas
I was going to call my dreams museums
But I think I owe you more
Than hanging on the walls
And hours of operation
My dreams are not always
Cathedrals painted on ceilings
But you are always
My comfort zone

If only your arms
Held me true again
Our lips and
bodies entwined~
If we could remember
language once shared.
Find our rhythm divine

Yet we have climbed
these ravaged cliffs
Heartbreak Chasm
between~
A fragile bridge
of diminished connect
Crossed only in my dreams

Older now
in this state of suspense
To watch our love fall away~
A tender time for both of us
This loss of each
Precious day


Copyright © 2015 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved

He's damaged,
               Unfixable it seems
What others would call
                  nightmares
       Are his sweetest dreams
                And sometimes
  He takes his emotions
                               to
                            extremes
       It's so blatantly obvious
  When he finally
           breaks down
                    And screams
That the world
          brought him to his knees

                  He's a broken spirit.
       And I just don't know
   If my love
              can mend his soul
Or if my broken pieces
        Are enough to make
                                      him
                  ­                      whole.
       And if I use what
                       little I have left
To put him back together
                Won't that just
                                  leave me
      In a shattered pile of emotions
                   *forever?