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The days have grown dim
and the nights slumber-less
piles upon piles of papers
clustered against the wall

it's ink rots and whither's
against the strands of time
tormenting me with unpaid bills
and threats of a foreclosed home

The idle threats of separation
have grown familiar, the sparks
of romance no longer seem apparent  
I question our vows....

I question my church and I question my religion
rosaries wrapped around my throat
suffocating the faith that I still have left

These wine bottles have become my god
I drink the blood like it's water
the water cleanses my sins and blind my senses    
it's sweet but bitter

I wonder.... What if.....
but, if I knew the answer
then perhaps this gun
would not be laying upon my nightstand....

What if...... What if......
After so many failed attempts at romance and affection
I've forgotten what it's like to love and I've forgotten
what it's like to be loved....
I never realized how much hate is in this world
until I stared at the eyes of a little girl
whose face whispered innocence yet whose  soul
screamed contempt....
I don't know rather it was love or lust
but I knew that I wanted her
she was like those fine pieces of art
that you could stare at for hours
but could never touch, she was tempting to the eye
she could burn down bridges with a single gaze
or she could set your heart on fire, I was smitten
she was a tempting tease, these ****** eyes
slipping off her clothes, one garment at a time
I never stood a chance, she stole my virginity
without a single finger laid...
My love was an illusion, a ****** up illusion
what chance did I have with someone as beautiful as her...?
August 24, 2016,   9:31 P.M


There's something beautiful about
broken households, alcoholics
hangovers and chaos in general
there's a sense of beauty....

It's beautiful because it's like car wreck
it's horrible yet you can't turn your eyes away
within that fiery metal and twisted pile of flesh and bone
lays a story, it's like poetry, it's poetry because it's real
brutally real, it makes you feel, it makes you think
you think about how it happened, where did it happened?
when and why?

It's beautiful because it hurts
it hurts and sometimes we need to feel pain
in order to grow, it's perfectly imperfect
like life, that why broken households
car wrecks and heartbreaks
will always have a better plot line
than any Cinderella story ever could....
it's real and people like real....

                                          (Antonio Ball)
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