choking on the words that wouldn't let you be.
everyone tried to show you, even me.

biting your fingers and twisting your hair,
it wont make it easier.
not one bit, i swear.

stubborn, even stuck.
do you ever wonder whats with your twisted luck?

reaching out for a helping hand,
you're down on your knees.
the pressure wont let you stand.

your chest tightens and you begin to lose the ability to see.
you think to yourself "i can't be okay, this isn't me".  

you long for that pill,
it makes you feel alright.
it gives you the guts to walk alone at night.

the man made medicine floats through the veins in your skin.
the excruciating experience is just about over.
so when your tongue unties and you can focus,
just promise me one thing.

promise me it wont take you,
promise you wont let it win.

*-dh

your words so sweet they rotten your teeth.
guzzling up your lies so we wont see.

it'll be a battle to the death of our dignity.
a fight between just you and just me.

who will be the first to commit the worst?
actions so painful but the memories more like knife work.

they'll fade away and only be remembered as plastered faces.
all that will remain are cigarettes with their lipstick traces.

and to end with nothing but disposition,
all those unaccredited good doings,
all that wasted ambition.

*-dh

Stained thoughts of hollow words.
Hollow words with broken meaning.
A bitter taste, a sick feeling.

A toast to a night I cant remember,
poison in my veins,
but no, no fever.

Practiced smiles and routine portrayal.
So imperfect, expected betrayal.

Eat the lies, curled around your tongue.
Don't choke, don't run.
Meek human, don't cry.
Numb yourself, I know you can.

Numb yourself, it feels better in the end,
just try.

*-dh

Again I hide in the empty shadows
like a lumbering beast
felled by the pain of an ancient wound

A familiar suffocating grief
flows along salty streams
that carry me to sleep's warm embrace

I am gone, lost, fading day by endless day
hearing only the hum of the living world
and the endless ticking of the clock

Blindly I've stumbled upon
the well worn pathways of self rebuke
so strangely reassuring to me now

The ghosts smell blood in the water
already they are circling
sleep, sleep, blessed black velvet sleep

I
Summer came with scorching tar, grit
whipping up in the warm wind getting
stuck between the gaps of my teeth.

Boys come in sheets like rain,
leaving my curly hair a mess of cotton candy,
loving with marvelous humidity in the air.


II
I crave the familiar in fall. Men with
beards the color of dead leaves that absorb the smell
of cold air, bring the freshness inside with a kiss.

Will the dying season bring better things?

Naked trees shiver bare in the breeze. I could run
away, until the trees are cloaked in rich green.
For now we mourn the shed leaves.


III
Winter brings darkness
short but brilliant light.
From childhood we have been
tricked into seeking
someone to make us happy.

Muddle through the memories
holidays bring. Purple skies shine
late at night but the months
move like molasses as
snow turns ***** white.


IV
Rebirth brings light. Curtains on fire
with your eyes in morning shine. Haze
settles on the room but everything feels new.

Open windows coax goosebumps like your fingers
early in the morning. Transparent chill clings to air
though the longer days I've been lusting for.

Read the cryptic writing on the foggy
bathroom mirror, you'll never understand it.
My words have blossomed into more.

My body burns to rove far from man-made
buildings, prisons for the modern soul.
I need to traverse the frontiers white man stole
from those who made it their home.

I've been down to the Everglades of Florida.
Fan boats flew through the estuary lines with roots
of mangroves. I've been to the Hoh Rain Forest of
Washington where fog descended on the shoreline
and married the sulfur smell rising from hot springs.

I must experience America's coast to coast beauty.

Every spare seconds I spend luxuriating in the
sun, thinking of all the places untouched.
My list of desires grows as the glaciers
of Glacier recede in Montana, beckoning
me to the Rocky Mountain Peaks.

Old Faithful gushes, surrounded by wolves and grizzlies.
Someday I'll cross Yellowstone's expansive mountain ranges.
from Idaho to Montana to Wyoming. On the arches of
Utah I'll face my fear of heights and find solace at
the tops of time-layered sandstone towers.

Descending the Grand Canyon I'll study beautiful
colors exposed by years of erosion. In winter
Death Valley will be braved. The lowest and direst point
will exhilarate me with scaled creatures as sand
dunes whisper my name with every hot breath.

The Badlands of South Dakota will hope I come
backpacking through prairies to watch precious bison roam.
California Redwood trees and I will stand side by side
as friends. Yosemite will call me to her cliffs and I will chase
waterfalls and sequoia groves until I've seen it all.

I ache to explore the terrain that bears
my name, the country I call home.

The sweetest infinite wisdom, is that which makes no claim of excellence nor promise of perfection.. Beautiful words and truths left unspoken are esoteric,  safe from the vain and guarded from exploitation, patiently resting, these secrets that lie within, one day I pray the veil will be lifted and humanity can transcend..

I feel my friends slipping away
Grasping and clawing trying to hold on to them
Cold white hands reaching out of the darkness trying to find someone
No ones there, they've already left, moved on in there own lives
Having fun and making memory's
While I sit alone in terrible thoughts
Reaching and waiting for people who aren't there

I should've never let you in
But i did
We should've just stayed friends
But you became more
I shouldn't have kissed you
But I was selfish
I needed someone who understood
And you did
But you knew to much, understood to well, I couldn't let you in anymore
So I pushed you out and far away