When people learn how
not to hate in the name of
love, Spirit breathes free.

Tired.
Exhaustion,
the kind of fatigue you don't counteract
with behind-the-counter medications
because it lives behind your eyes but
not quite inside your brain,
the kind that makes you feel insane
just for acknowledging it's there.
It's quiet in the day but wrattles constantly,
reminding you, you're the only one to hear it.
Tired.
The kind that misses sleeping in,
but 13 hours of sleep is never enough
to fill in gaps or bags under eyes,
so you just lie in bed and think about
how tired you've become,
and how you've forgotten
how it feels to be refreshed.
Tired.
The kind of tired that inhibits you from moving
your mind races and your body is glued to the bed,
it's 3am now and you've finally stopped pacing in your head.
Tired.
your eyes stop moving around 6am
when you crawl into bed,
you are so drained,
nothing could keep you up now
you block out cars horns,
you ignore thoughts that knock on your door,
and rustle in your blinds,
and drown your fatigued mind,
begging for a place inside your bed,
you are so tired.
you are on sheets,
you haven't washed in weeks,
stuck without a destination
for your mind.
stuck, the sun just rose,
so you are
**** out of luck.

i had a glass heart
you shattered my fragile love
now i am just sand
                                     l.r.

I thought I could conform,
wanting to become part of the pack.
I dressed differently;
closed my mouth more.
I tried to be less caring yet more selfless
hoping to become more desirable.

It didn't work.

I wore black.
I abstained from interests in favor of theirs.
I slept only with candles for warmth
and bathed in ice water.
I froze.
I laughed at the idiocies protruded from their mouths,
trying to fit in, but stay me.
I was brainwashed.
I ate kosher for a year and a day.
I drank tea to bleach me inside.
I prayed to Mother Earth and Father Sky for strength as the moon waxed,
but was weakened when they turned away my heart at Witching Hour,
and thought I would die from the cold.

I did what I thought was good,
thinking blending wasn't a bad idea.
But still deep inside me is the need to know:
was adapting always like this?

It is not your fault to long for his arms
When the night is young but the wind gets rough
To ask for a piece of his time and his touch
It is never wrong to love a woman so much.

It is not foolishness to give your all
When you know that love is your reason
But when love begets nothing but storm
It is never wrong to finally leave him alone.

It is not caprice to long for a love
That takes care of you and your heart
But you don't beg, don't ask for luck
You are a woman; you deserve so much.

If he doesn't realize what you're worth
There's no reason for you to remain
Find a man who is man enough
To love you even when you're stained.

You are a woman; that's not a sin
You are God's gift to the world
You may be an imperfect one
But you deserve to be understood.

If there's only one hope left
Hope for a fearless heart
One that never gets daunted
One that beats and never stops.

I miss the future
when, if I wanted to see you
I just beamed myself from my dark room
to your waiting arms
we walked for hours along the coastline
where California use to be
of-course our feelings changed a bit
when we learned we were not truly of this earth
but brought from another dying planet
some several thousand years ago
but it was still so much better than the now
when we ****** our own presidents
and sacrifice lives in wars that we start

an old spirit who I passed on the trail of tears
spoke to me in my sleep
he told me that the future was only a dream
and to prepare myself for the end
I asked him how
and he turned back and said
'pray to the souls that your people have vanquished
that they forgive your sins
you spit in the face of mother earth
and cut her breath to make room for cows and pigs
so that you may gorge
you sacrifice your brothers in the name of false Gods
and your leaders fatten themselves off the sweat of their own
with no regard for all man's lifeblood
you took this precious gift and threw it away
and now
even in the face of death
you squabble like spoiled children
ignoring the inevitable
so pray that your children will not face the final day
for it will be fire'
and with that he turned and
I awoken...

****...8:30
late for work!

And he picked her from the blanket and looked into her brain. Stared deeply in her brown eyes and knew that she'd cause pain.

Knew she'd cause destruction and it would be in vain. Knew she'd be a heartbreaker and it'd be her claim to fame.

While he traced her small, soft black curls he knew he held a universe, a Galaxy , his world.


He knew that someday he'd have to let her go. To be free, to learn, to continuously grow. That day he knew was nowhere near, but tears choked him. Full of fear.


There would be people who would try to tear her down, bruise her self esteem, taint her crown. They would hurt her and tell her that she was worth less because what was between her legs and under her dress.

They would show her the meaning of love and the pain that comes from loss. They would deny her truths and dethrone her in her Kingdom as her own boss.


But she'd also know sunshine, smiles, happiness, and gain. How to walk through storms, and dance in the rain. How to love without limits, and how to harness the pain, and use it for strength, for power, to gain.

So as those hard tears ran down for miles, he wiped them away with a crooked smile.

For he knew that she'd find her place in the world. His beautiful, fearless, baby girl.