I didn't realize
How upset I was
Until I noticed I was crying
In the hallway
I was slipping on my shoes
And praying that you wouldn't touch me
I was messing with my hair
My thoughts tossing around in my skull
I was whispering
And apparently you couldn't hear me
I wasn't saying much
I didn't want to
I wanted to walk out the door
And keep going
I know the ground
And I don't want to know you.

Dear Self,
Step away from the edge
Hold on to who you are
In your mind
I can see you falling
I can see your eyes fire
And flare
I urge you not to let your thoughts
Take over you
Why do you have so much trouble
Looking in the mirror?
Why do ghosts from your past
Feel so real?
Why are you so afraid
To take off your jacket,
Or wear your hair down?
I understand
That the walls came crashing in
And that you feel
Like everyone can stare right into you
And that they're staring at you
But they're not!
You're letting fear
Cloud logic
And judgement
And that's not you!
So dear Self,
Step away from the edge

A farewell can be so perfect
It can give you a chance
You never thought you had
Or
It can rip
Out your heart
Or
Both.

Visualization skills
Can be incredible
I can be walking down a street in Paris
With my friend who died
Four years ago
But it can also be terrible
Like when I'm trying to fall alseep
But I'm standing in her room
Watching her burn
Or when I'm sitting in my room
And you are there
But I have to remember you left
And it isn't real
Sometimes I can walk alone the ocean
Instead of the street
But usually
I'm running from monsters
I'm not insane
I visualize on purpose
But sometimes I loose control of my daydreams
Sometimes I swear you hate me
Because I misread something
And my stupid brain twists thoughts
And gives me the worst possible scenario
And that scenario is real
Only it's not
Because you don't hate me,
Do you?
It's so hard to touch a ghost.

Why is lack of understanding a wall?
Why can't it be a doorway?
Why can't it be an invitation
For conversation?
Why is the unknown
So widely feared?
Nothing is really "unknown"
Just momentarily not understood
Why do we try to fight that
Instead of changing it?
Un-pausing the moment?
Why can't learning be a trend?
Why am I afraid to speak freely
Because They won't understand what I want to say?
Today
Lack of understanding
Is an open door
For me.

I meant to go out and practice
And I did
For a little while
But then
I ended up laying in the grass
And pointing out the sky
To no one in particular
(As I was alone)
I watched it turn from teal
To orange to pink
And I watched it fade
I watched the clouds pass
And I'm waiting for the stars.

God look!
A sky
What wonders I cannot describe
Lay not within
But beyond
As life
So expendable
Has no known meaning
And is by far
The most complicated thing we know
As we are just electricty
Anyway
As we have no purpose
I give myself the purpose
To see the most brilliant thing I can
I believe it is there
Out past Venus
Or on the rings of Saturn
That I should find my meaning.

God look!
A sky
I know that you did not
Create it
Or anything
And that you do not exist
I am an atheist
And you have not proven to me your existence
Well,
I guess you do exist
In the minds of the people
I just can't believe
That an almighty creator
Would ever be so cruel
As you
And that is my proof to the contrary
Of your existence

Is there a black market
For mice?
I'd get it from the pet store, but
They might get mad at me.
I intend to put it in the microwave
Not to be cruel
But so that I can study changes
In the cell structure
Some sort of decay should occurr

What genius saw something
Swimming around in a body of water
And said
"I'm going to eat this!"
But tomatoes
Tomatoes were poisonous.

Legs are so weird,
They're just like
"WE ARE GOD. WE ARE STICKS THAT ENABLE YOU TO WALK AND STAND!"
Why weren't humans built with wheels
Or tails?
Why are we so large
And why do we vary so much
In size
Shape
And colour
Why did evolution take away
Most of our fur?
Why are we best fit
For our enviornment?

What would happen if we blew up Saturn?
Yes,
It would be bad
I'm not stupid
But how would it
Effect (affect?)
Earth's
Orbit and
Atmosphere
And climate?
Is human life even sustainable without saturn?

As well a expanding,
Does the universe move
(As a whole)

Can human actions
Really
Destroy
ALL
Life on earth?
We assume ourself to be
These all powerful being
But really we are
Ugly sacks of water
That can be killed by almost anything
Confined to a rock
Not even the size of a speck
Compared to space
An individual does not make a difference
On a logical,
Scientific scale.

Why don't we walk on our hands?
Why are we so dependant on each other?
Why do all the systems of our bodies rely on each other?
Why don't we have arms as legs? Wouldn't that be so much more useful?
Why are our legs longer and stronger than our arms?


Algebra!
Simplicity in numbers
And we are geometry students,
So we should spend a month and a half
Studying area!
Length times width
Or this times this
Ad half the class is failing!

The plane’s wing is longer than I can reach
It’s not your plane
But I don’t know when your’s is coming.
The rain chinks of the wings
Silvery and soft
My clothes are drenched and likely ruin
But I can hear your voice in my head
Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
I closed my eyes
And let the rain hit my face
It was cool
And wet
A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
And I am just too tired to buy a ticket
I am too tired to run away with you
and I am too tired to stop being patient.
I hope that I am good to you,
I hope that I will wait long enough
When I get upset that you aren’t here
Or that I haven’t heard from you,
I fear that you don’t like me anymore
Or that I don’t like you.
Most days I don’t mind waiting,
But today I want you to walk home
In the rain
Slashing at the sidewalk
Through the mud and shadows
Under the streetlamps flickering on,
With me
*Our friends would all make fun of us
And we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way

Tired
It comes in waves I do not wish to fight
Unfocused
Uncaring
Unwilling to think anymore
My troubles will not melt,
But dull
And I will sleep tonight,
Tired

I'm the kind of odd
That drinks hot chocolate
When it's 90 degrees
And leaves the window open during thunderstorms
Or that does something
That is absolutely impossible
And then does it again
Because I swear I was so close
To getting it right
I keep talking to people,
Even if they've left the room
Sometimes,
I just talk at them
I like to paint my nails
Then paint over that
Then paint over that
I always tiptoe up the stairs
Even when it hurts
I like to waltz around the kitchen
And stare straight up at the sky
I turn off lights in rooms
As I walk out
Even when there are still people in it
I talk to myself while I take tests
And I love taking tests
I talk to myself before school
Loudly
I wear scrunchies on my wrist
Because when I don't
I don't even feel like I exist at all
I just need to be a little odd
Because I have to feel
*something

Like holding on to clouds;
There's nothing there
Like tripping over your own feet
Like singing to an empty ampitheatre
Like talking when everyone has left the room
Like reaching for the stars
You can't touch
In my mind,
We're holding hands.

I was stupid
To hope that you
Would come around
This morning
But I did
Anyways.

When my older sister and I were little
We used to jump off the top of my dad's truck
With umbrellas
And hoped we would fly.
We knew we couldn't do it,
But we couldn't **** the dream
Everytime we climbed back up,
There was a chance
And a glimmer of hope.
We used to flip on the tranpoline
She learned quickly to land on her feet,
But I still can't.
I didn't want to.
In all those years
In everytime I tried
I still hope that the netting would
never catch me
The air was always soft,
Even when the days were hot
This was a mindless dream
Even though I would never admit to having it.
We took down the trampoline a few years ago
But I still remember how to flip.
When I learned to twirl baton,
My sister didn't learn with me.
The leaps and jumps we do
Are as close to flying as I can get
She does trapeze in the tree out back,
But I'm not strong enough
And I was too afraid to learn.
I have been too afraid to do a lot o things
And that's ok
I don't want to fly
With out her.

Wake up!
Wake up!!
What?
I have a hole!
What?
Come see!
What?
Come and *look!
Sure...
...What is this?
This is my hole.
It's a notebook!
It's a stack of notebooks!
How is that a hole?
It's my rabbit hole!
Your what?
**My rabbit hole!
I jump through it, you see
And anyhing can happen
I can walk on the moon!
Or breathe underwater.
Or anything!
Do you like my rabbit hole?
What an incredible universe
That we could live in
If you could only see.

I know how scared you are
And how sad
And I know because I feel like that,
Too
All the time
And I know that nobody understands
I don't understand how you are feeling right now
I know that it hurts
But I don't know how
Or how to help you
Just don't let yourself
Take your feet off the ground
Or
Your head out of the clouds.
You have to know where you stand
And see the real world
Take things at face-value
But
You also have to keep dreaming
Keep knowing
That you write your own future
You have your life ahead of you
And don't let right now ruin
The rest of forever.

I more than love you
So please don't shut me out
Whatever it is,
It'll be ok
We can figure it out together
So talk to me
Because I am here for you
I don't always feel your pain
Or understand it,
But I see it
And maybe I can help
Let down your walls
And allow me to show you
The light in the dark.
Everything will work out fine
So talk to me
Because I am here for you,
*Always.

It was nice that the window was open this morning
Everything was so calm and simple,
Just as I had left it
When I went to sleep last night.

That moment when the world is ending
Only it's not,
So relax
That moment when you're about to fall
But you're sitting
So you're not
That awful second when you're speaking
Really really fast
Because your brain is going that fast
But nobody's listening
So shut up.

You're just a little odd-ball,
Aren't you?
You like taking tests
And waking up early
And you don't divide things by two,
You multiply them by point five
So
In escence,
Divide things by two
You don't have to be the same
To succeed.

When are you coming home again?
Just remind me
That you will be coming home
sometime
Because I hate walking into school without you
And I hate knowing that that is how it will be
Every day.
I really don't mind waiting
Because I love you
But some nights,
You're all I have
And you're not here
So when are you coming home again?
When can I hear your voice
And hold your hand?
When can we be lovely together?
Just remind me that we'll be together again
*sometime

Every time
We say goodbye
I hate myself
For not saying
Don't go.

Forgive me for my absence
I love you
And I shall write you soon

I need to hear from you by Monday
Because I'm leaving on Monday
For my competition
And I am scared
I am scared of a lot of things
But right now
I'm mostly scared of failing
I need you to tell me it's ok
Because when I talk to you,
It really is
And I know
You're busy
And you have a life
And all
But I really
Need to hear from you by Monday.

It's that moment when you give up on life
That it really begins
That awful second
When you realize nothing is going to work
That it does
That imperceptible instant
When you are trapped
In the bitter clutches of failure
That you succeed

Have you seen me in your dreams?
Was I dancing
Or writing
Or working
Or playing
Was I singing or darting around?
Was I me in your dreams?

Sometimes you need to walk into a thunderstorm
Sure
There is thunder
And lightning
But that will strike trees
You have to know that
You are safe where yoy stand
And then you can see
That where you stand is beautiful
The rain is wet
But wet won't hurt you
And no one can get to you
You can feel as you wish.

Every thing
Is
Perfect
I
Really
Do not
Mind
Waiting.

I am showing you my outstretched hand,
Even if you will not take it.
I am pulling you up
Even if you want to be down
I will not do this anymore
You are not my problem anymore
If you fall or fly,
You're on your own
Your words
Hurt me
And you have to understand that
I am a person!
And I deserve a chance
At independent thought
Without your knowledge
And a life without
Your death
On my conscience.
So,
As of now,
You are not my problem anymore.

Love is not your heart
Beating rrally really fast
It is calm and peaceful
And serene
Love is not flying,
It is knowing that you aren't going to fall.
It's not kissing under the tree,
It's climbing it!
It's not a chaotic mess
It is knowing that where you stand is stable,
Just for a little while
So you can test your footing
And shake it up again
And I assure you
It is not perfection
Because perfection isn't real.
A moment can be flawless
But then it's gone
Because right now can't last forever
But we can.
Love
Is not all those girls
In their pretty pink dresses
And the glass slipers
With their pretty pink hearts
It doesn't have to be a fairy tale ending
To be just as close to perfect
As they are.

I like the way
Your hair flops in your face
And you get mad at me
For laughing at you
I like the way
You tend to show up when I need you most,
Even if I don't know it.
I like the way
You never listen
But you're always on que.
I like the way
We hate the same people.
I like the way you breakdown
Because it let's me know it's ok
If I do, too.
I like the fire in your eyes when your angry
And the softness of your thoughts
That I can feel
No matter where you are
So please don't worry about the oceans
I am here for you always
Because it's so simple!
I love you
And all your perfect little quirks.
So,
Why not?

I wouldn't have seen your poems
If I hadn't used this website
As a booklight!

Tell me when you're upset with me
I hate it when you say nevermind.
God,
I hate you
But that's unimportant
I am a living, feeling person
Not a brick
I'd really like some bricks,
Actually,
To build a wall
And keep you out.

I wonder if
You're waiting
For me to go to sleep
To **** yourself.

It's funny
How I haven't given up yet
I eep saying I will
But then I don't
I want you to be ok
But I can't help you
Helping you
Hurts me
I don't want to help you anymore
But there you are,
Sitting next to me
Oh gosh
Why can't you walk away?
Your voice grinds my soul
You click your tounge
And bang on the table
And it hurts me
You are the only one that hurts me.
I am screaming at you to stop
I'd grab your wrist
So that you can't hit it
But you have me in a glass tank

I am so trapped with you
So beaten
And so broken
But I want you to be ok.
I watch my words
And hold my tounge
And pray for the end of school
If it helps you to understand
the agony you put me through,
I am not religious.

It's when you reach the bottom of the hill
That you start crying
It's when you reach the top of the hill
That you stop
It is the difference between walkig along the ridge
And sliding down it
It is the cascading ripple pulling you down
That pushes you back up
Because you are down,
Not out
And dented,
Not broken.

She's the silhouette leaning on the tree
She's the whisper in the dark
She's the hand you can't quite reach
She's right there
But you aren't.

Your words should echo your thoughts
Sounding only of the highlights
I think such wonderful things in the shadows
Last night,
I showed my little sister the stars
I let my unedited thoughts
Flow into her head
Everything I stand for
She could see
And maybe she didn't understand it yet
But someday,
She will be able to think wide open
Because we are not limited
To our own sky
There could be trillions of skies out there.
And she could be the one to find them.
I showed her Venus
And told her how orbits work.
And we sang songs till we had to go to
Sleep.

I often forget to watch the clock
The hours tick by
Without my knowledge
I very much love to
THINK
About time
Being apart of it
Is another story
Moving along
This linear wonder
Is it really so linear?
You see
I often dream of time travel
As I feel so out of place
Here
And now
Will be so important
Someday
But here
In now
Is not where I belong.

You see
I've been thinking about running away
Leaving now
For a different day.

Everytime I say hello to you
I know that we will have to say goodbye
I know that our time together is short
Was short
I wonder if we will get anymore
Time with you
Is time with angels
You in all of your perfection.
I am not concerned
You are the calm
Of the wind in late spring
You are the ground beneath my feet
The ground which I know so well
You are every star in the sky
The stars which I hold so dear
But you are the only star
That I will get to hold in my hand
Someday
You are my someday
But some days never come
The stars are constant
But are you?

Right now,
This is all I have left
This second
Is my second chance
One shot I do not want to take,
Make
Or break it.
Everything will fall apart
Or hold together
Barely
My thoughts do not make good glue
Seeing you today
Reminded me that we were once close
Talking to you reminded me
Of why we are no longer.

Don't listen to them
When they tell you
To stand down
Or walk away
Everything is worth fighting for
And everyone deserves someone fighting for them
Don't let it go
No matter how feeble the argument
Holding grudges isn't always bad
And not everyone will like you.

I felt like I was drowning
When I woke up at 4:15 this morning
But then I remembered
I love the feeling of water, and
I can swim
In that instant
I was weightless
Everything was so
Calm
And serene
And quiet.
There's a type of silence you can only hear
At 4:15 AM
It's not like no one is speaking
It is the complete absence of presence
And then I woke up for real
At 4:16 AM

I wanted you to feel something
When I walked away
Because of how much you hurt me
But you didn't

I will be up all night tonight.
But I will not want to talk
I will not want to think, either
But I will anyway
Because things are going to happen tomorrow,
And those things could go wrong
And the more I think it,
The more I believe
Because
Cogit ergo sum
I think therefore I am
More like
I think therefore I will be
Which is the same as
I think and stuff is going to happen
I think bad things could happen
So therefore
They will.

I just
Can't belive
It's you standing in front of me.
I just
Can't feel
Because I don't know how.
I remember loving you
But are you still the you that I loved?
I couldn't remember what your eyes looked like
Last night
When I went to sleep,
I cried because I didn't remember your voice
Your voice
Which could mov  mountains
And calm storms
Was absent from my thoughts.
I just
Want
I just want it to be you
Standing in front of me
But I just don't believe
That it is
It's time to wake up
And forgetthis memory.