I am a little girl
Dreaming of a perfect world that
I assure everyone I know does not exist.
I like to believe that I understand life
Scientifically
And actually
But do I?

You
have broken all of your promises
I
think you have done enough damage
to yourself
and to me
I do not want to see you anymore
I do not want you
to read my writing,
to support me
at all.
I have to scream for you to listen
and even then
you just laugh.

Trusting you was like being stabbed in the back
And the eye
And my foot.
I'm not dead yet
But when I see you
I might as well be.
Because I can not say anything
That I will not regret saying to you
You will repeat everything
I try to walk away
But you need help
And I have to help
But helping you is hurting me
And I do not like being hurt.

Maybe you did not love me yet
Was it a matter of seconds,
Or years?
I remember your hair in your face
Or the shine in your eye
At any given moment
But then that moment is gone.
Time passes only so quickly
And I could never have enough
Time with you
Is like like swimming in a pool full of jell-o
It's really very exciting
And we've all wanted to do it
At one point or other
When I think of you,
I am a child
Only seeing the good in everything
And seeing every second
As a second chance
Now,
Maybe there were more chances for you
Wherever you may be.
But why could not we take those chances
Together?

I feel as if I stand on shaking ground
I do not want to say "Good-bye" to you
You do not say good bye
When you run away from a ******
You violated me.
Not my body,
But my mind.
My mind which was my heaven
It was my sandy deserted beach
And my busy city street
Alone protects me,
Not you.
You scare me
And alone is all I have left
On this shaking ground,
I no longer stand.
I am on my knees for you.
I am screaming, but
You cannot hear me
Because you simply do not want to.
And you tell me to say "Good-bye"
As you open the door
But you do not say "Good-bye"
When you run away from a ******.

They never told me
That the you would be nice.
They never told me
That you would barely touch me.
They never told me
That you would be my friend.
When they told me about rapists,
I never thought it would be you.
They told me
that you would take off my clothes
And touch me in ways I didn't like
But that's not what you did
You became my friend
And you made me need you
But I didn't need you.
I didn't need to hold your hand
I didn't need you to touch my hair
When I asked you not to.
I didn't need you to try and hug me
Just for laughs
When I went running down the halls
In tears.
You never saw me cry,
Did you?
I didn't need you,
But I thought I did.
I let you into my mind
I told you all my secrets
And you told everyone else
You try to make me unhappy.
I feel like such a little girl.
Because when you ***** me,
You were nice
You barely touched me
You were my friend
You never took off my clothes
You took down my walls
And ran away with my sense of security
My trust
My Mind!
When you ***** me,
You ruined all that I am
With words.

For the love of all that is
Do not shut the door to-night
Do not push me out
And lock yourself away
With words
And thoughts
That drown you
Your thoughts **** you,
Don't they?
You have to remember
Your thoughts are just words
And words can be shattered
Dreams can be broken,
But so can nightmares.

I can not show you the pictures in my mind
I can not accurately describe to you
How bright the colours shine
Like the Northern Lights,
Or how soft I remember your skin to appear
Because in my mind,
We can still stand together.
We can watch the stars together.
The stars are dull, standing alone.
I feel dull, standing alone,
Your radiance is absent
I no longer wish to stand, you see
I am very tired.
Alone is very taxing on the mind, you see
The memory of you
I do not wish for it to fade.
If no one knows you exist,
Then you don't.
If you do not feel loved,
Then you aren't
Because love is an energy
It is tangible
It is visible!
And I can see it when I think of you.
When I think of you,
I can see you
Surrounded by roses of every colour
And the colours are so wonderful,
So real
That they simply cannot be
And I realize that you are so wonderful,
So real,
That you simply cannot.

I can be ok
Through dusk
And dawn
And storm
Through day
And night
And light
And dark
Through thick
And thin
I can be ok
When I fail
Or trip
Or fall
But when you go away,
I feel like breaking.

I'm very fond of your first impressions
And the way you embarrass me
I am very fond of your foot steps down the hallway
And stars in your eyes
I am very fond of your handwriting
And the quotes on the tip of your tounge
I am really quite fond of you.

The cherry blossom tree will bloom tonight
It will be a lighthouse in the dark
I will be back, my darling
Just as I have been.
I assure you
That things will be alright
You will look for me when you wake,
But I cannot be there
I apologize, my darling.
I will see you in your dreams.

I am asking very nicely
And sitting very pretty
I am sitting in my palace made of words
And thoughts.
It is here my mind is at rest
Except that it's not.
It is here that I am free to think on my own accord
Until somone shatters the windows
Made of restful harmony
My mind is in sync
With my body
My feet know the ground
I can see no obstacles in the distance
And the distance is bright
But when someone sends for me,
My walls shatter
As if glass.
But who am I
To equate words to glass?
Words are so frail
So easily pulled apart
As I am pulled out of my world
Of free speech and free opinions
I am now clouded
With empathy
And the judgement of others.
The verdict is never in my favour.
I have learned to hold together
When my comrades cannot
So that I can hold them together, too.
Because I know
I can watch the stars from my window.
Whatever it is,
It is alright.
I will soon be back in my palace
Made of words
And thoughts
And this time,
I will lock the door.

I could see you getting on the plane,
But we were dancing.
Sure, we looked pretty stupid
But you were leaving on Monday,
And I could see the clock, counting down.
Days
Hours
Minutes
Seconds
I could see you getting on the plane
You were different from them
You saved me from them
And I promised I'd hug you before you left.
Gosh!
I can't believe you left.
I memorized you.
I knew your favourite colour
Favourite song
Favourite place
And I could see you there,
Far
Far away.
When the days turned to hours,
And the hours turned to minutes,
And the minutes were gone,
I kept my promise
But I could feel you forget me
And I couldn't think
Because the minutes turned to seconds
And the seconds ran out!
And I was alone.
Everybody kept moving
Things kept happening
My world was ending
And you just kept walking away.
Gosh!
I can't believe you walked away!
I couldn't feel and
My mind was blank
Because
I
LOST
YOU.
And I could see you getting on the plane
In that second that you walked away.
I remember your face
In that instant that I let you go.
Gosh!
I can't believe I let you go.