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Rosemarie Caruso Nov 2015
hello there icy wind
who hasn't kissed me since April
& left completely by May
still you have the audacity
to blow
me
away
Rosemarie Caruso Nov 2015
sometimes people
carry weight
& the ones who don't
pick up
the baggage
to ease the aching back
of the one they hold most dear
& that
is
love
Rosemarie Caruso May 2015
I'm trying to remember
The words my father wrote.

He was a poet, in earlier days.
When he lived my lifetime once,
(Now he's lived it three-or-so times over.)

And I remember one day finding the words he wrote,
Photocopied onto bright white paper.

And it was then that I first realized how much I am like my father.

His words then held just as much as my words do now--

As much love,
As much anger,
As much confusion,
And, at times, as much hate.

And now that I feel lost and alone, I try to dig up the pages
That were haphazardly tucked in-between the leafs of a novel, I think

Or maybe an atlas,
Or maybe in a drawer,
Or maybe under the bed...

Behind the bookshelf?
In a photo album?
In a book
Any book
In the kitchen
Above the fridge
In a box
This box
Not this box
That box
Not that box
Any box,
Try any box,
Every box --


Which brings me to now.

Now I sit here, on the kitchen floor
Stirring my lukewarm chamomile,
Watching the air,
And the clock,
Breathing deeply through my mouth,
Holding back any sound

Searching through my head
To remember the words he wrote
Long ago
That somehow might make me feel my father's comforting smile
Now.
I miss my dad.
Rosemarie Caruso May 2015
"Read more. Write more."
That's what Doctor said.
Doctor is my therapist.

He says, "You are not alone. Many have felt this way before, and many have also thought themselves mad. And that's why I'm here. You are not alone."

I think
It's *******.

Doctor doesn't know what he's talking about.

Read more? Write more?

How can I read when my eyes touch a page and then fall to the ground?
How can I write when none of the words I think can make it past my mouth?

How can anything be normal, be fine?

Doctor says I'm not alone, but I find that hard to believe.

"Doctor," I say, rubbing my sore crown, "no matter how often you say that, I still feel alone."

He nods his head. "And what of your friends?"

I shake mine. "They don't like me."

"And what of your husband?"

"Doesn't love me."

"And what of your parents?"

"Don't need me -- they have my sister."

Doctor nods and glances at the clock. "Well, our time is almost up. Any last thoughts?"

I don't change my gaze, which rests on the cactus plant sitting above the fake fireplace.

"No."
Rosemarie Caruso Aug 2014
After we dined, showered, and made love,
You fell asleep, on the left side of the bed.
Though tired too, well, I like to watch
Your face as it moves
When you breathe
(your chest rises too,
And sometimes you twitch,
And honestly, I find it cute).

And as I watch you here,
My one and only
Who lights up at the sight of me
And has already decided the names of our children,
And already loves them
Just as much as he loves me,

I wonder, my darling,

When the love will run

Out
Rosemarie Caruso Mar 2014
shhh.*

I'm here.
I'm here.

cry or don't,
breathe and keep breathing.

that wasn't very fun, huh?
when I got so sad you nearly punched the bedpost
and cursed your mind
and clawed your smile.

and I sat there like a used towel
crumpled,
wrinkled,
damp

but it's okay, anyways.

even though we cry
and you hate your name
and I imagine worse quarrels while I'm still as a rock

--yet tender as an oyster

frail as a bubble

ready to pop.

but it's okay, anyways.

days like this
come and go

like winter to spring
like houses from stone

shhh.

I'm here.
I'm here.

cry or don't,
breathe and keep breathing.
for all we know, tomorrow is spring.

and I'm here.

*I'm here.
Rosemarie Caruso Feb 2014
he
kisses my hair
and touches my neck
moving in me,
moving me,
(the wilted flower)
(the crumbling rose).

you found me
sitting in the corner of the kitchen, knees pulled in.

"you know,
I feel
alone."

except for these voices
that scream, "ours, ours, ours! tie her up, eat her whole, don't let her go!"

I am a ghost,
(pieces of a face),
and now that I've found you
I beg you: don't leave me in this empty place.

remove the nets,
the choking rope,
hold me in your heart, hold me in your arms,

kiss my hair,
touch my neck,
move in me,
*move me
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