**** rolls downhill
and I'm stuck at the bottom
the smell of fresh air
I've spread forgotten

and all my efforts to ascend
just lead me to frustration
the best that I can hope for now
is bouts of constipation*

warm, fresh blood across my tongue
is all I can hope to taste
from all the times I've tried to climb
and got kicked in the face

Losing your sense...
Of         purpose
  Is ..       .
Painfully painless

Why is ..     .... . that
so?
A contradictory  statement.
Because...
To lose someone or something
   dear to you                                  
is painful
And
to lose hope or devotion to something or someone
Is
Also
Painful
And yet...                                 .     .             ...
And yet
With the meldin..g
Of these two heart pieces
Pain becomes painless,
And even so,
Painlessness is a state
That a purposeless person
Never achieves.

I knew i shouldn't have gotten close,
shouldn't have risked everything,
to make you happy,
to be there for you,
only to have you hurt me,
it started like a dream,
a girl like you,
confident and willing to talk to me,
despite my looks and my thoughts about myself,
i remember the days we spent,
sitting and talking,
laughing and smiling,
talking about art,
about flowers,
about our different taste in music,
it's okay because i wanted to be near you,
i wanted you to know me,
like me,
but then things changed,
you changed,
your jokes began to get more real,
too painful for me to bear,
i started to get upset,
feel things i never felt before,
you,
you shouldn't be having this effect in me,
you,
i love you,
a little too late for that,
a little too late for everything,
you moved on,
did i mean anything to you?
did you love me?
the way i loved you,
did you feel the same?

i guess not,
you moved on,
as if i was nothing but a chapter,
in your book,
i tried,
i tried to move on,
soo badly i wanted something more,
than to feel this craving for you,
and to know,
i couldn't have you,
i tried to listen,
to the other girls,
tried to take my mind away from you,
but it always,
always came back to
you,

i heard them,
but i wasn't listening,
all i could really hear,
was your voice,
and the last thing you said to me,
sorry,
a stupid little word,
sorry,
i ****** up,
sorry,
i wasn't enough,
sorry,
you had to leave,

what's the point anymore,
of anything,
of caring for you,
only to have you use me,
what's the point,
on wanting love again,
wanting someone else,
for them to do the same thing,
find someone better,
leave me,
without telling me,
and break my heart,

yes,
you broke my heart,
yes,
it will take a while,
yes,
i still think about you,
yes,
this is all too painful,

i message you,
i waited and waited,
for your reply,
my eager little heart,
thinking maybe you will say something else,
but no,
all you said was sorry,
i thought that maybe,
i would feel something from it,
feel closure,
let it go,
but it didn't,
these feeling won't go away,
and i need them to go away,
please,
can you just,
go away,

I knew i shouldn't have gotten close,
shouldn't have risked everything,
to make you happy,
to be there for you,
only to have you hurt me,

Let go
what does that truly mean?
are we to fall to our deaths
or go on with our lives

how does one truly,
let go
are you to forget everything
or simple pretend you no longer care

let go
two words
so simple
but the action is so hard

what happened?
one day,
you were here,
then things changed,
you were physically here,
but somehow distant,
you came home,
distant an- and different,
i just want to know,
was it me,
did i do something,
say something,
anyway,
i could have almost missed the signs,
the way your eyes stared off into no space,
the way your words lost all meaning,
the way your touch didn't feel the same,
almost the same,
but soo different,
you're a perfect impostor,
looks the same,
sounds the same,
but soo ******* different.

Pour energy
into your
words

Write with intensity
so great
that if you held the page
from a mountain's peak
your words
would be mistaken
for
stars