flicking his ash on the floor, fairly
certain
that nobody saw

and the more that he flicked, the more
he was gripped
by the urge to flick a bit more     ..

Let us pretend
That we were nothing
But some casual affair
2 AM ***** dystopia
Just another night
To forget

Let us pretend
That years of silence
Can somehow bend
White lies into
Truth

Let us pretend
For burying regrets
Seems all there's
Left to do

I set at the edge of the bed
with a blue floral spread

waiting

for the sun to blush
the sky

as the minute hand on the wall clock
quivers

the ice bucket
sweats

and breakfast  

will be soon
but is it really breakfast

if you haven't slept

all are talking of numbers
constantly. three years that, 5 tears this,
no music plays on this computer now.

it plays in rooms, where darkness lingers,
where cloths are folded neatly, ready
to store, to air , mend, abide until required.

each day has a number, each a task.
i have drawn seven chairs, need to
do thirty three more,. this is a project.

thirteen, fourteen, fifteen

In blink of an eye your demeanor turns around
Within hurtful remarks self-esteem is drowned
You have the power to make house feel like home
With one blow ease is crushed like walls are made of styrofoam
I long to seal emotions behind bars made of steel
Wounds inflicted by tongue of man take too long to heal
I want to be the person you view potential for
In this room feel the opposite of all you adore
By side I feel privileged being the partner you chose
Pressure is weighing on the roof and steadily it grows
Patiently waiting for me to evolve into the image you desire
Continue striving for perfection but muscles are starting to tire
Pause just a little longer so I can prove my worth
Not only you but also myself
Show purpose on earth
For too many years I have convinced myself I'm not enough
Inner voice whispering I'm ugly because my edges are rough
I see you standing there
I'm so glad to call you mine
A distant star in space you warm skin with your shine
I carry heart everywhere heavy as a stone
Worrying I'll drop it and I'll be left alone
I like how you are a gentleman
Treat me so **** nice
Your touch excited my nerves
Thawing my armor of ice
On top of body
My problems fade away
Long as we're connected I know everything will be okay
Till I am on my deathbed about to meet the reapers touch
Even then I'll have no fear of your hand is there to clutch
I forever will do my very best to witness your handsome smile
May not believe in God but discover myself praying you'll stay awhile
To be cause of your happiness is what I yearn for the most
Whenever we're apart haunt my cranium like a ghost
From gods above to the devils below and all that lies between
Your presence what provides color and vibrance to every single scene
And the meaning I've unveiled since the second we first kissed  
Resulted in realization you're an angel radiating endless comfort and bliss
When I began writing poem I wrestled with a conflicted frustration
Skepticism making it hard to understand your expectations
To reach compromise each must learn how to slightly bend
I'd don a mask for anyone else but for you refuse to pretend
You're the only one able to disarm defenses
I can't help but wonder what it will take to come to your senses
I can only dismiss so much criticism before I snap and lose control
Hate for you to dive in after to rescue me from that hole
To put up with ups and downs I'm sure puts you through hell
Hope my love also feels like a taste of heaven as well

No more days wasted running round and round
Hiding from each new unexplained sound
The negative outlook continues holding me back
It's time to get my life on track
Let past me die so I can be born once more
New confidence shining from my core
My mind will remain open my mouth will stay shut
Bedazzled jeans adorning ****
Stop creating excuses for my bad habit
My improved self is strong enough to quit!

I love genuine music
Seems to me that's what I hear
Crave honesty of the lyrics
They dance into each ear
The way each note dies right on cue
Meticulously placed
I do agree in it's eccentricity
Quality embraced
I declare their songs are just my style
Why I like their voices I don't know
I can tell one thing for certain
Must turn up the audio