the weight of all my previous selves
is perching at my back
if i look slumped, not steady
i’ll be fine, it’s just temporary
maybe. hopefully.
i feel so heavy

is there a future me ahead
or will i finally settle?
when i know me, when i’ve found myself
will it be set in stone
bricks and mortar
whispering promises of home

or do i wash away again
like mud on concrete?
if the rain pours, i slip away
but then, but then
it’s okay! because then, then
the sun shines on a stronger me beneath

so i think myself finally whole because
i can hold the weight of the world
i am concrete.
i am washed away.
i am resurfaced clean, if bruised,
a pathway for all to find steady feet

‘til the cracks in the concrete reappear
‘cause i know, i know
i’ll let you walk over me,
that somebody will plant a seed in me
the roots will shove up and up
break through me
‘til shattered but still existing is all i can be

i am constantly remaking myself,
constantly being remade.
is anybody anybody
if we’re all endlessly changed?
this sense of self i have this day
i have no faith that it’ll stay

how many drill bits to the brain
does it take to make concrete fall away?
how many new faces
‘til a man, this man, that man, the man
‘til I go insane?

I sit here haven't made any accomplishments today
But just getting out of bed
Getting ready for all the coming
Doubts that steer me just to where i am right now..
Alone again in my car in a random parking lot.
Feeling disgusted with myself
For doing it again
Disappointing myself for not following through what I promised yesturday wouldnt reoccure today..
Missing yet another day of work
And no one gets it
No one seems to Truly feel what this is
The pressure of myself not understanding is also wrecking
So i cry
Cry out to no one
For where's the cure
I Google to come up with Im alone.
I just want a friend..
I just want these feelings to fade
I just want to be myself again
As i just sit here alone In this parking lot lost with no cure..

Trapped under
A thin
Black spider

A bird
Carried it away
Far out of sight

Only to return
And hold me in
The warmth
Between
Its wing and breast

l.v.s

What do i do
Can you please be concerned
Try to understand
My world ends almost every week
And you just stand there
I can’t do this without you
I deserve to sleep at night
But when your gone,
I wonder if your ok
School is getting so hard
If you don’t come back
I’ll be dysfunctional
I won’t come back
I’ll stay in my mind
Nonexisting

You may of treat me like a princess
But really you kept me prisoner
Away from the loved ones you knew saw through you
The ones who would of healled the bruises you left
Instead you hide me from the real life for yourself
Until the day i saw light
Saw the truth
And showed you the door
With one last bruise you give me
I realise i am better
Releasing myself into the world
Saying hello without looking over my shoulder
Thats the life i lived
Now im free and myself

10 years ago
I lost you
3 years waiting for you
Wishing I could help you
Watching you slowly fall apart
Blaming myself for not helping
Saying anything

Now you back
Years have past
Yet the blame is still deep
Why didn't I speak up
Even when he died, it
Didn't stop the blame
Or the pain,hate

Slowly coming to grips with everything
Yes my sister is back
But is she the same
No
So how do i look at you
And see a different person
Some days I see the old sister
My big sister
Some days I seem like the big sister
I love you sis
I'm sorry