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zoe nichols Jan 26
I wish I had eyes in back of my head
I watch everything
I'm scared to leave
Scared to walk the street

What if a car hits me
What if someone don't like me
What if I leave house
What will happen

Did I leave the washing on
Did I leave the light on
Did i pay the bills
Did I get  what I need

Will I have a breakdown
Will I turn to drink
Will I freak out
Will I survive the day

Can I cope today
Can I do my jobs today
Can I keep my family happy
Can I have a wash today
Do I have time to relax

Someday are harder
Someday it's calm
Someday I cry
Someday I can't move

Anxiety and mental health are real
They can't just be cured
zoe nichols Jan 26
Would you smile
Would you speak
Would you look

Would you think twice if she wasn't there
Would you smile
Would you show me love
Would you have lifted your hand
Would you have thrown me

Would you love me
Would you care
Would you take a second thought
Would you want me

If she was gone
Would you come back
Could I forgive
The abuse
The hurt
The bruises
The memories

I watch you
Fight the hurt
Fight the heartache
Fight the depression

Yet you stayed
While she pushed us away
Now your a stranger
You won't even look
Won't even smile

I just want my dad
The man
I looked upto
The dad
I loved

The memories
They won't fade even if I try
The gigs
The laughs

Should i forget
Will you ever come back
Or should I feel
Forever wishing you didn't do what you did
zoe nichols Feb 2022
I want to cry
I want to scream
Yet I have to hide
How I truly feel

Hearing the words
Your kids need you
Your kids need you happy
You can't cry
You can't give in

What if its too much
What if I can't breathe
Can't think
Can't survive feeling like this

What if
zoe nichols Feb 2022
11 years ago
We met
Butterflies flew
Sun shined
As our lips connected

I wasn't fully ready
I sed goodbye

Back to now
You came back
Like nothing changed
You became the dad
My son always needed
Watching you both laugh
Melted my heart

2 years later
You got down on
One knee and
Sed the question
I sed yes

As the butterflies flew
Sun shined
As our lips connected again

Year later
We see 2 lines
The panic sets in
But the smile grew too
We made a life

Up and downs
Came and went
But no one reached
For the door

Butterflies flew
Sun shined
As our lips connected
zoe nichols Feb 2022
Things are starting to fall into place
I think or am I lying to myself
What more could I ask for
I got the man
I got two beautiful kids
So why wouldn't I be

Yet I'm still stuck
Anxiety overloads
Scared of myself
What have you done to me
Wanting acception from you
But why

You don't care about me
You only cared when I sed
Yes here take it
Yes here control me
Yes here's my life

Your meant to show me
How to live
How to survive
How to grow up
How to be strong

Yet all you taught me was
How to relay on you
How to struggle
How not to budget
How not to love

So all I will say is
The hardest goodbye I've ever done
Soo ....
Bye mum bye dad

I will survive on my own
I will teach my kids
I will make them stronger
I will make them smile
I will make them laugh

Because that is what
A parent should do
zoe nichols Feb 2021
How I wish
Oh how I wish

I could ring you up
And tell you
All my news

How I got engaged a year ago
How I'm 16 weeks pregnant

But you wouldn't be happy for me
Why though

Because you have no control
Because I cut all ties

You were all toxic
I couldn't take no more

It was me or you
And I will always choose me now
zoe nichols Feb 2021
Am I healed,am I free
Could this be real
Could the chains be broken

Just by saying goodbye
No more words
To be spoken
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