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Life at 21, do you remember it?
Things rush at you, hit you, from all directions.
Any small decision can turn into a major plot beat.

What are our lives anyway but the sum of our decisions?
Opportunities contract and expand around us, like breathing—
and what fills those lungs are our test scores and faculty opinion.

College is a land of dreams—we’re all dream catchers—on our own paths, but the paths are mazes shrouded in haze, tumblers in need of combinations, variants that we must learn and memorize though it drains our communal blood.

At test times, the silence in libraries and coffeehouses is deafening,
full, as they are, of hunched-back phantoms toiling on books or blue-lit screens. If it sounds stressful and dramatic—it is. It’s not a time to get raddled—it’s all a big test.

Your world contracts to the sterile and dry— the facts and the moments needed to gather and order them.

That’s why we love breaks. Fall, Summer, Christmas, Thanksgiving—any flavor—break.

In fact, Lisa and I are on break now, I’m typing, on a MacBook Air, in a helicopter, screaming towards Manhattan.

If we don’t die in this shaky, 250mph, 3000-feet out-over Long Island Sound, cricket-like contraption, we’re going to have a great time—if we do nothing but sleep, hug our families and eat turkey—a great time.
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Songs for this:
Little Hercules by Trisha Yearwood
Constant Craving by k.d. lang
Merriam Webster word of the day challenge 11/14/24:
Raddled = confused or befuddled or broken-down and worn.
standing in the middle of some vast, empty space—the kind of ocean or plain where you can see the edge of a dream in all directions

and it opens to you, and you let it in—womblike—everything around you is meaningful, whether it’s beautiful or horrible or sublime

it must be written above and left to fall as the wettest raindrop, tempting fate, and fate retaliated—again there was light, and again there was darkness, a new day
 Nov 2024 Richard Shepherd
Anaïs
I tweaked my body
Synched in my waist
Slimmed down my thighs
Burned the fat around my arms
Cut the fat on my tummy
Added artificial eyelashes
Melted the fat from my face
Injected my lips with chemicals
But
I need fair skin and a thigh gap and bigger ***** and a thicker *** and alluring eyes and longer hair
Yet
my eyes aren’t bright
my smile lacks happiness
my mind reeks of toxicity
my emotional state is unstable
my diet is empty
my eyes are tired
my body is dying away
it seems,
all the acting, the pretending, the imitating
wasn't enough
in the eyes of our broken society
 Nov 2024 Richard Shepherd
Sora
Tears
Tears falling
Down
Down
Staining my cheeks

Love
My love
I need you

near
near me
to hear me
say I love you

Far too much time has passed
since the colors of your eyes
have embraced mine

Too long
Since the song of your voice
has enchanted my ears

Since your arms
have warmed my
withering soul

Love
My love
when will I see you again

I need you near

near me
to hear me say
I love you

My love
when will I
hold you again

I need you near me
to heal me
to fill the lonely holes I've made

My world is silent
empty
I'm anxious

Afraid

Love
My love
when will I see you again

I need you near
near me
to hear me say
I love you

I need you near
near me
to hear you say

I love you too.
a sword through the shoulder blades
into the heart.

we can only hope for such a death.

the bull's lament, fate, no destiny.

no one chooses their end.

(the bull'death understood.)
Angels humming quietly
Soft melody of the divine
Song in children’s happy laughter
travel up through clouds and rain
to gates of cherry blossoms sky.
Melody of love and sadness
In the hearts of everyone.
Deeply hidden in baby’s innocence.
Going all life long
Till in old men broken smile.


Shell ✨🐚
Yesterday my aunt lost her only child.
Suddenly, unexpectedly.
So much sadness.
She is  inconsolable
Dark December for many.
RIP Marlon.
The Hobs of hell have to be operated
In a rotational system for maintenance and cleaning
Even though the work's intense
They're never exactly gleaming

Though the workforce is unlimited
And of course they get motivated
The endless drip of blood and filth
Gets baked on fast
Hard accumulated

The demon chargehands
Drive on the ******
With whip and fork and brand
But The broken barely keep up
In this accursed land

And so I think of childhood
With my poor mother near in tears
As she proclaimed the above Sisyphean task
Akin to cleaning
Behind my ears.
In the dead of night
     neither moon nor stars in sight
     only the winds' sigh
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