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Anais Feb 17
Like a fever dream
this feels
like staring into a blank screen
watching myself, of her behaving like me
but there is this sense of the missing
of the moments lost in empty white rooms
of insanity lingering in the back room
of a looming loneliness upheld by a sole
red candlelight,
Maybe its the constant loudness,
or the fog outside,
maybe its the distance from home,
maybe, just maybe,
I am losing my mind
I hate lockdown
Anais Feb 17
I touch the keyboard, my mind in scrambles,
Words become a knot of confusion
and I cannot express the very emotion in my chest
Anais Dec 2020
Gone yet here
with little proof
of existence, of the
warmth breathed out,
of the honeyed words
left beyond demand
Gone they are
but always
Anais Dec 2020
Just eat
Just eat and you'll be cured
Eat and the voice will stop
Eat and you won't look at the fat anymore
Eat and you won't think of the imperfections
Eat and you'll be happy
You will pretend nothing ever happened
You won't think of the tears
or the exhaustion or the anger
That's what they told me,
Just eat and it'll be okay
How funny it is,
to believe in ignorance,
in those who think they know,
without experience
the voice never stopped
Anais Aug 2020
I tweaked my body
Synched in my waist
Slimmed down my thighs
Burned the fat around my arms
Cut the fat on my tummy
Added artificial eyelashes
Melted the fat from my face
Injected my lips with chemicals
I need fair skin and a thigh gap and bigger ***** and a thicker *** and alluring eyes and longer hair
my eyes aren’t bright
my smile lacks happiness
my mind reeks of toxicity
my emotional state is unstable
my diet is empty
my eyes are tired
my body is dying away
it seems,
all the acting, the pretending, the imitating
wasn't enough
in the eyes of our broken society
Anais Jul 2020
It rained and poured, and I drowned
A sunken heart, a suffocated heart
They warned me
But I listened to only your voice
Your soothing voice amid the raging storm
It was bliss, the cigarette I swore I’d never smoke
Alas here I am
the person I have become
A stranger
Broken down,
Devoured by your past
But a remnant of the ash you discarded
Anais Jul 2020
I think
I'm no longer scared of La Llorona
no longer afraid of vast forests
no longer terrified of the dark
no longer wary of dimmed staircases
I'm not a child anymore

so why does the shadow in my
closet feel so real?
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