Benign, benevolent ballerina bubbly bathing by beautiful blossoming balsams.

A gander I took and I was a statue, still, allured, and enchanted. my lips basted by beauty, before her I was an apparition, lost in forests of adulation.

A vanishing spirit soon to be a vestige of a vestige. I shall wage wars, arm myself and battle my way to her hands that can melt the glaciers residing in my heart.

I think I loved you most the winter your heating was broken
And we’d stay inside all morning
Pretending to complain that we couldn’t get out of bed
Our clothes becoming little islands on the floor,
Ones that we could not quite find the courage to visit

Your hand stayed glued to my hip,
Your breath warming my shoulder
Like a long drag of whiskey
That kind that had a home so far away,
In a glass bottle on top of your refrigerator.
The one that would not be opened
Until that fateful day in February,
When everything went wrong

And on that unbearable night
When you joked that you’d freeze to death if I left you
There was a long silence
Like it might be true.

Now it’s warm enough
That I show too much skin when sitting in bars
And you avoid me like the plague,
Whispering in any girl’s ear that’s near to you
Every time you see me watching out of the corner of your eye

We should have stayed inside when the ice began to melt
Because I think
When those doors opened and we finally ventured outside
The world had changed,
And so had you and I.

I'll sing of all the ways I miss you
and how this sorrow came to be
the verses, lies I should have whispered
the chorus, truths in harmony.

The melody will break the silence
and call your broken heart to me
to be repaired by love unyielding
to broken hymns in minor key.

if the doomsday clock has gotten closer to midnight, shouldn't i live my life like it's only mine?

i understand there are people here who love me, and i love them too, but there's just so much to see and so much to do. if i feel like leaving, if you truly love me you should be okay with that. if i disappear and go out into the world and experience things and follow my passions and where my heart takes me, i think that's okay. if the world is ending so soon, i want to have done everything that i can do to rid myself of the complete darkness i have been engulfed in for seventeen years. i want to experience new people, places, and things.

it would never be goodbye because everyone i love would always still be a part of me, a part of my heart, and i would eventually return.

but i am young, and i have until the clock strikes midnight to make my mistakes, to fail, to learn, to grow, to experience. i have never in my entire life considered staying in arkansas, i have never considered being normal, i have never considered growing old with someone, i have only known that i expect above average, and a love within myself and everyone else.

i am young as said before, a seventeen year old girl who is wise for my age, but i know i'm not as wise as i'd like to think i am sometimes. i want to experience different places, i want out of here. i believe i should not be held back and i will not be held back when i turn 18.

you see, there's something waiting for me on a beach by the sea, there's something in that air that will set me free and i need to inhale it, i need to exhale everything that's trapped inside of me, i need to be free.

i need to be free. i need to be free. i need to see the real me.
here's to eighteen and 2015.

come
join my journey
to nowhere in particular


come
to the depths of my soul
and to the back of my mind


come
dance in the darkest parts of my mind
and sing in the brightest place of my heart

there's almost always
an ambiguity
between what my words mean
and what my mind intends them to mean.

like, with loving intention, i tell her
i can't praise you enough

she smells a ploy in praise and enough.

she interprets them as
she hasn't done enough to deserve my praise.

then, when i tell her
with age you're maturing in beauty

she takes them to mean
i'm digging at her age
and her beauty is in doubt.

last, but not the least
when i compliment her thus
you've made my life full

she retorts

no more fooling.