Ah, another year has passed.
2017 was arduous. It was also compelling and inconsistent.
It's the year I turned 21- a turn of life.
I was stuck between two personas- who I was and who I am now.
They kept fighting on who was right.
But who was right always won.
And the loser had to be left behind.

2017 was the year I became a pirate.
A pirate who discovered her treasures. I became wealthy!
I found ideas, answers, self-knowledge, and understanding.
But I also found junk. It terrorized me.
I found sadness, anxiety, doubt, shame, grief and fear.
It drove me mad. Like, really mad.
And I'm still figuring my way out.

2017 also dressed up as someone.
A man in a white coat with a stern face;
Demanding, intimidating, convincing.
A man who kept talking about striving to be finer than I was.
But isn't that what we all want?
To be finer, exquisite, laudable?
We continue to strive to do the unthinkable.
Even if we kind of loose grip on reality.
Even if we have to lie and say awful things.
Even if at the end of the day, we lie down and ask, "Was it worth it?"

2017 allowed me to meet great people.
People who reminded me that I am still young.
That everything I have now will soon change into something else.
That it's okay to bow my head when things get rough.
That God hears all prayers.
That I should embrace my parents in a tight hug and make them feel loved.
That confusion will always find its solution.
That it's okay to cease communication.
That I should appreciate my unique personality.
That kindness will always be the best choice.
That death is inevitable. We will all die.
That you can never have it all.
That respect is earned and not demanded.
That I should occasionally write about how I feel.
That education is life.
That sadness will always end.
That happiness doesn't last.
That life's not fair.
That sometimes it doesn't get better.
That sometimes it does get better.

is it bad
to want
to confirm
to know
whether someone
is gay
or false
by gay
i meant
meow killa
by false
i meant
straight and
a bore
because one
thing is
for sure
someone is
a unicorn
kendall jenner
of course

Half-way through the year
got a new phase to adhere
A new vision in life
that would push me to be right

No more sad songs
no more falling where I don't belong
Build a place I can call home
may it be like Paris or Rome

No more saying, 'Is it July yet?'
only that would make me grumpy, I bet
Collect a set of motivation
I could use for satisfaction

Half-way through the year
got a new phase to adhere
A new vision in life
that would push me to be right

No more I did this for them
as I don't want to end up in mayhem
More I did this for me
that's what's all important, you see

No more flowing impulses
'cause this world's full of repulses
More mindfulness on what I do
'cause I don't want to lose another you

I miss you everyday
although I try not to in every way
You still orchestrate my heart
even though it's been months that we're apart

I miss you everyday
and all the time, i would pray
that we'll be back together again
Maybe time will be our friend

I miss you everyday
It's just as if you're not away
like we never completely fell apart
like all that we have is a chance to start

I miss you everyday
can we just meet halfway?
Back to where we used to be
full of love, You and Me.

Hello, you
Yes, you
Go to hell
In there you're well
Here's a finger
hope this lingers
For a person like you
destroying mood, all you do
Talk behind
like a coward blind
say small talks
trashing and stalks
Have you seen the trash can?
Oh, over there you stand
Say it one more time
Your breathe smells like swine
Go to hell
In there you're well
Goodbye to you
Yes, you

I want to tell you about my friend
her name rhymes softly as maiden
She used to bring the sun in the room
now all she has in herself is the moon

Not long time ago her eyes would show
a story so perfect no one would know
that there will come a time
when everything will be out of line

Now alone is a word she would not have known
if she hadn't dialed that number on the phone
Did she failed love?
Or did love failed her?

In a world full of ignorance
in a world full of missed chances
All she did was to love a boy
but is love really enough?

She tried to change herself
improve herself, trust herself
Be better and better each day
be someone new, she prays

Maybe love would come back
maybe love would find her back
Too bad she did not know
Love never really left her

Hidden between valleys of shadows
is the Love to get rid of her sorrow
A Love she deeply craves today
I just hope she gains back someday

15 minutes felt like 6 months
Do you know that?
Laying on bed, dark room
Sound of music from the radio
Rainy weather, dry throat
Huge sweater, fetal position
15 minutes felt like 6 months
Do you know that?
Don't know what to do
Don't know what to say
Don't know what to find
Looking forward to nothing
15 minutes felt like 6 months
Simple sky in my head
No sun, just clouds
Will rain, will rain
No sunshine, no sunshine
Heart beats last lifetime
No complex thoughts of tomorrow
Just teardrops of yesterday
15 minutes felt like 6 months
Do you know that?
Don't know if wasting
Don't know but enjoying