I can't seem to get you out
Every memory, touch, place
glazes onto me

I see you in them all
And I can't seem to get you
out of my skin

You're glued on
I'm rubbing friction
hoping you'll shred apart

but just like adhesive glue
with time
you solidify onto me

I look into your eyes
to plea
but all I see
is pure adoration

I melt
I'm hypnotized
Those big round eyes
engulf me

I thought I saw love
in those brown eyes

I realized too late
that it was a reflection of mine
and I can't seem to get me out

The first needle
stung
Eyes closed to wince
The charming prince
stinks

The second needle
tore
Heart clenching the pieces
hope decreases

By the third needle
numb
The carriage came
to pick up it's claim

Miraculously,
The crane took it's basket
back to the womb
Returning it gently
to a shadowed room.

Needles 1, 2 and 3
came again
But by the fourth
I prayed

by the fifth
I prayed

And by the tenth
I poured
my being, my soul, my love
my child



I think I always knew
before my bones even grew

My mom left me
a miracle

I didn't understand at first
I just felt something
brewing

So I poured
like my mom did
But I didn't have a cup
so I gushed and bled
everywhere

I would sit
and wait for someone in need of thirst
I would water the flowers
even though it rained

because it was written in my bones
before I could even object

Even though I'm fully grown now
I don't know how to get off the carriage
a second time

But as I look out the window,
I thank you mom
for carrying me
in your miracle womb

Thank you mom
for carrying me
in your miracle womb

Excuse me?
Are you a mouse?
Why are you squeaking
You should be sleeping

My little mouse
What worries you so
Is it the monster under your bed?
Or the thoughts that cloud your head

I was doing just fine
without you
without anyone
finally, I sighed in relief

I forgot to close the door
Suddenly
I was pulled in

Cautious, I simply peeked out the door
I shouldn't have

I should've closed the door
I had forgotten to
Maybe not
Maybe I hoped

But the door closed on it's own
and I thought
What a good thing it did

It opens again
To pull

pushed

and pulled

push...and pull...
I grew weaker to resist with each force

I am a tired soul now
Only so much strength left in me to
either
open the door for the last time
or close it for once and for all

I hate these games,
the pushing and the pulling

I want to settle.
but who's there to settle with?

So I push the door open
to walk away
to enter another
and pull it shut.

I always wondered why it seemed so difficult to love me. People come and go and come back again. They would feel loved, appreciated, cared for and gained wisdom from. In some shape or form, I have always been a stepping stone for people. This isn't my perception, but I have been told so. At first, I couldn't love myself either. How could I?

Along the way, I learned to love myself. If not me then who ever will. I went on with life believing I am not to be loved but to love and give. To be and to give. To give and give. I was okay with that, still am, but a part of me aches for a what if. I wish to be loved. I wish to be enough and I wish I was worth staying and fighting for. To not be someone who is only valued after I have given all of me and abandoned. I wish someone didn't have to leave me to see me.

Time after time, I have to be okay with someone walking away. It's not their fault. It just wasn't meant to be. But it can still hurt. Can't it? I am allowed to grieve...aren't I? But I'm also tired of grieving...years on end.

While I don't regret the people I let walk into my life, and I can still look back and find happiness. I'm also growing older and am a little worn out now. I want to rest. I want someone to either leave me alone to begin with or stay with me and mean it.

When I think of my future, alone but with the life I've always dreamt of. I feel content, I feel okay and happy. I am at peace. Having someone beside me, is simply a bonus. But at times, I do question what the universe has in store for me. Will I ever know if I am meant to be loved in this lifetime?

you told me you didn't understand
my poems
you didn't get them

but you watched me go on stage
take a deep breath
and breathe life to them through a mic

you smiled and said you're there
for me
and me only

you forgot to take a picture
till the last minute
because your eyes were on me

when did you stop looking?

was it the moment I looked back?
was it the moment I held you?
was it the moment I started to love you?
or was it the moment I chose you.

I think
I can remember
when you stopped looking

because I felt it
and
now you're just another person I've written a poem about.