High levels of cortisol,
limbic system taking control.
All this stress
leaves me a total mess.

So much studying left do
and I still have no clue.
mental breakdown makes weep,
I know i'm not getting any sleep.

I am strained
and my energy is drained.
I've got a headache
and really need a break.

I want to hold your hand
when you have to walk alone,
I want to validate all the pain
that would have crushed you
had you not turned to stone
and I want to hold you
when you can't take it anymore.

I need touch
but not of any kind.
I need the gentle one
filled with tenderness and love.
It is so hard to tell
for it means admitting
the ache in my chest
clenching tight.
I need to let myself feel it.
I don't want to get numb,
not again.

I feel so vulnerable.
Fragile.
Like porcellain.
Lying still in silence,
calmly crying tears.
They carry my hurt,
my loneliness.
At the same time
they carry the knowledge
that I am indeed
loved.

I am scared,
scared that by telling this
you are going to let me
slip.
A fragile child
shattering on the ground.
Rejected once again,
old scars reopening.
It's too much to bear.
It just hurts so much.
Rejected,
lonely once more.

So if i reach out for you
please don't freak out,
I'm not in love
nor am I a stalker
but a part of me is hurting
and i want it to heal.

I need touch,
a tender caress,
the warmth of skin
so comforting.
Please hold me close,
don't let go.
I feel so exposed,
nothing left to hide behind.

Please don't turn away,
I'm standing here,
so insecure,
soul stripped of all armor.

And I'm scared.

I find myself here again,
I can't seem to get away.
No matter where I go
I always end up here again.

I tried to follow the lights,
I tried to get to the village,
but i'm still stuck here.
This **** forest won't let me go.

All i've accomplished
is lighting up the paths
that lead into nothingness,
the village always in sight,
but always out of reach.

Visitors come and go,
but I can never follow them
back home
as the paths seem to change
and lead me astray.

None of my actions matter,
I may change the forest
but in the end i'm still stuck here.
Am I cursed to roam these paths forever?

What kind of sick game is this?

I used to be your scapegoat,
responsible for everything,
treated like an infection.
I was just so shy and quiet,
your perfect prey.

I chose to ignore you,
pretend to be the strong girl,
but I had so many wounds
hidden in darkness.

I carried on day after day,
your calls at my back.
I numbed the pain
what else could I do?
Numb and lost.

I grew older,
became stronger,
but the fragile girl
still lives deep inside of me.

"You're kind of boring,
You never go out,
You stay in you're room all day.
You should be more outgoing..."

Maybe I am boring...
I don't socialize very often after all.
I listen to music all day,
Not the most interesting thing to do,
And I don't have many friends.

I'm such a bore.
People don't like to spend time with me,
They will just forget about me!
I guess I have to live with it...

"I like you we have much in common.
You like art and music,
And you're thoughtful.
But you can be really funny at times.
I think you're an interesting person."

But they said I was boring.
I thought noone liked me,
I thought no one cared,
But you apparently do.

So am I boring?