I hate feeling
I wish I could turn it off
Emotions will ****
Flooding in
Unwelcoming
But persistent.
I really wish
I was stone and
cold hearted
as they claim
I am.

I think it was the way
Your hair fell across my lap
As you slept.

Or maybe it was the way
I watched your eyes light the room
As you looked for me.

Or it could have been the smile
On your face the first time
I awkwardly kissed you.

Maybe it's the way your
Hands trace love notes into
My arm when you want my attention.

Whatever the moment,
I knew you were the one
From the beginning of it.

And even though I know
The exact moment that I had to
Choose you,

Every moment since has been
A subtle reminder
That it was a risk worth taking.

I hurt myself again today,
To see if I still feel pain.
The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar sting ,
Try to **** myself again,
But it's just another fail.

What did you become?
My sweetest friend,
Everyone I love, dies and goes away
In the end.

you left me it all,
In our empire of dirt,
you killed yourself, you let me down,
you made me hurt.

I wear this crown of thorns,
my self destruction affair,
Full of broken thoughts,
That I cannot repair.

Beneath the stains of time,
They said that The feelings would disappear,
You are dead and gone,
But I am still right here.

If I could start again with you,
A million miles away,
I would keep you so safe,
I would find a way,
To make sure that you stayed.

Why wasn't I good enough to save you from destruction?
I pray for the rain,
Are you up there?
Do you listen?

They say that if you **** yourself,
You will be sent to hell,
But God, were you an angel,
Beautifully, brokenly, emptily impelled.