My film class,
Is my favorite class

and the class I hate the most,

I love film,
I have a passion for this art,

this medium,

this class is my soul and bodies passion,
and like a job,

like my job,

it fits me,
but like all jobs,

there's things that just ******* ****.

and it's not over the normal things,
like time and money,

its the people you work with,

or in my case,
my class,

and they are all *****,

when someone makes it their point,
to upset you and hurt you everyday,

because finally you are good at something,

when you **** at science,
and allowed your math skills to fall behind,

your life is filled with lies and you find,

a reason to live,
worth all your effort and time

but the same people calling you stupid and dumb and a **** up,

in math and science,
are in this film class,

forced to take a smile,

and sarcastically say,
"good job,"

when your film gets played in class,

and even when you ask,
no one give you advice like you give when asked,

and every frame seen on the projected screen,

gives me anxiety,
and the rude, unhelpful reminders from my bullies,

don't ******* help me,

when I want to run out of my favorite class daily,
and scream  in all their faces,

"*******"

"for once..."
but I don't

I sit,

I bit skin off skinless lips,
hold back tears,

the urge to leave,

take all my insults
that are directed at me,

with a head tilted down fake half smile,

when they should be directed to my film,
but everyday, I do get to say;

*******,

because this year,
I make it to all my classes,

even the next one,

history.
period 11/12

with my dignity

If only i could die in my sleep and I wake up to my dream.

I don't wanna know reality.
I just want to be carefree.
Live on the edge with no needs to strategically plan a plan B.
I just want to live in this utopia eternally,be able to harvest in the grape vine which isn't a resemblance of rumours.
Run with my bare feet in strawberry fields.
Don't even tell me what stress is. Let the wind whisper to my soul as I stand placid.
I close my eyes and drift in celestial realms, just to be observant and admire..not to quest.

The luminescence of the sun screamed "wake up!" to my eyes. I tried to keep them shut
reality kicked it as I dreaded waking up. I sighed "life".

I grow to despise all
which bring tears to my eyes

it's happened too many times now

I want nothing but your nonexistence
no happiness or sadness

just nothingness

I want apathy, I want disinterest
I want permanently handicapped empathy

I'll get there eventually

I'm losing faith that there's such
thing as hope, or faith for that matter

it's all drab around here, really

I try to pacify my bitterness
but my bitterness pacifies me

I'm taunted by the irony

I've lost count of the times
I've been made to feel so foolish

I'm getting used to being embarrassed

All you well-to-do women
with whatever is in your head

Keep respectable distance

your energy is better spent
on one who won't slowly with time

unravel at your feet

I can agree there's a lot to
hate about those who you pity

the ones who feel as I do

you see them vulnerable and
you feel in control and powerful

it disgusts you that you had no choice

you'll soon loathe as I do
and your niceness will be tarnished

I'll loathe all even more

I feel no sensations other than
some exhausted discontent

it becomes your true companion

I welcome it all at this point
there's no point to finding a point

maliciousness just exists, I guess

you or I are no exception
I know I'm feeling quite awful

I want to share my suffering

but it's for me and only me
my one and only property

my holy suffering

I'll carry it with me
exclusively

I cannot be one with this world
I won't adhere to what it requires
It shall be forced to my own will,
or I will exile myself willingly

with my suffering,
in pursuit of the only thing
I am truly entitled to

I kissed a girl with strawberry lips,
And she didn't taste bitter,
Like all the boys from the past.

I drove with a girl at night,
And I couldn't stop watching
Her eyes wander left and right.
What was she thinking?

I saw a girl with tears running down
Her face and wrists.
I kissed her until I was out of breath,
But I knew I couldn't save her.

I slept with a girl
Who had scars on her body,
And I read each one like a book.

I fell in love with a girl,
And I cried for hours
Because I tried to fix her
Instead of saving myself.

I kissed a girl with strawberry lips,
And

She didn't love me back.

Dear GOD,
I'm sorry for all the times I do wrong and pretend not to hear your voice.
  Forgive me for all the times I fail to talk about you because I'm scared people will think I'm lame..,
  Forgive me for all the times I forget to thank you and just go on complaining,
  Forgive me for not counting my blessings,
  Thank you for loving me despite my faults,thank you for always wanting me back when I go astray.
  Thank you for being my source of hope and comfort..
Yours sincerely..,
I love you..

Do you remember me?
                         Is it me you see
when your eyes glaze over?
                                      I don't think
                              you will
                                           ever
                                                 find
                                                      me.

© Maria Francine