I just got way too faded
Thinking about the times we used to have
You would always ask me to get high
And I would say no
I didn't need smoke to feel like I could conquor the world
I had you
But since you left
It's my only escape
From any bit of reality
That you're actually gone
But the way you left me is alright
Theres always someone better
I just don't understand how you could leave
When you already had the best

It's now 8:07 AM and I've written a poem about you.

I had always frowned upon the thought of being drunk
But my God, I hated being sober
****** smirnoff was the key to falling asleep in the arms of my lover
The bitter taste of alcohol made me forget about you
I never knew the downers in alcohol could make so many memories
I was sloppy drunk with my friends laughing until the sun came up
And no I didnt want it to end
I couldn't find which direction I was supposed to go
And I didnt care
I just wanted to catch the sunrise in his beautiful eyes
And the joy in the laughter of my friends

My love, you really broke me this time.
All I know are the hands that hit me
And the mouth that called me names
I hope you're struck by her stunningness
Or at least by the way she holds your hand
I hope she fills the empty spaces in which I could not fill
But just know that I haven't taken you off my mind since the day you left me.

I know they say when one door closes another opens
But I'm forcing gravity down with the weight of my regrets
I refuse to let the door that allowed you into my heart to close
You say I'm not pretty
So I broke every mirror in my house
To keep from seeing the reflection of a used up depressed teenager
Because who would want a girl with so much brokeness

That's how I know that you didn't really love me
You've already ****** someone else
And I can't even bring myself to kiss someone

Its not just that. I miss Him. So much. I miss laying with him and just feeling safe in his arms and it just really gets to me sometimes and tonight is one of those nights where I feel like I have concrete blocks tied to my ankles while trying to swim. Like it literally hurts my heart and I'm so on the verge of letting out feelings that need to be let out, but I just can't. Because once I do, I'll have dreams about him and I won't be as strong as I am again. He'll consume every thought every day instead of just every other thought. I want to splatter my brains all over the wall. I'm miserable and I'm trying to find happiness in someone else immediately and I'm not giving them my all and I feel bad but me and Him had everything planned out. For three years. And I didn't do anything wrong. I just wasn't good enough. And it hurts to the very core of my heart because I invested so much into him.

My bitterness stems from the urge to hold onto things I can't control
I'm very controlling
A weakness
But you can imagine the struggle
You know how they say if you get chills someone walked on your grave?
You weren't only so disrespectful as to walk on my grave
You spit on it
And my skin still crawled with pleasure for you
It's like a sickness
It would be a honor to wake with Amnesia
I'd forget the way I let you push me around
My vocabulary lacks the words to remotely make your disgustingness look ravishing
And why would I?
You're a *******