You just have to keep telling yourself that you're a **** good person and you don't deserve any of what he put you through.
You stayed and you went back even when he didnt deserve it.
You were always there to pick him up when he couldn't do it himself.
You would've swam oceans for him.
But he'll never realize that until you're in someone elses arms and you're truly happy.
Only then will he truly realize what he had and how good you were to him.
And he'll hate that you're happy with someone else.
And you'll be blissful.
Truly in love.
And you'll have someone that would swim oceans for you.

While we've moved on into 2015
I'm still lingering in every empty space in my body waiting to make a mark
Like they say "Missing you comes in waves and tonight I'm drowning"
But it isn't just tonight
Its every night
And drowning would be a privelage
I'm suffocating under a thousand pounds of pressure to hold back every tear that's been built up over a course of three years
Trying to save myself the pain of rolling around in bed with a bloodshot face, veins popping out of my neck , screaming at the sky
I'll never understand why you left
I didnt do anything wrong

My heart dwells within your fingers
I feel punctures as the grip gets tighter
The warmth of your psalm is comforting though
The blood pumping through your veins fiercely
Squeezing the blood out of my already severed heart
But I know its the last time we'll ever be so close
Even though you've given me my death sentence

I'm on a deathbed without you here
1095 days
Today would've made three years
You gave me a gift on Christmas
The gift of leaving me
Oh what a painful thing
I wonder what I did wrong
And I'm trying to move on
But I can't
I clinged to the one thing that made me happy
And destroyed me all at once
My heart whimpers at the thought of you
You can feel her hands around your waist
And I can feel them around my neck

Resourceful in all of the waysthat you are
the context of your words, the way that they glide
through my veins and crawl up to my skin
and out to the pores to where you can see
I get scared with the way that your eyes can control my body
and the way you use your words so well
how am I supposed to know thruth from false?

The stitching creases on a blank canvas
A mindblowing beautiful pale coloring
Never showing justice to the beauty
As the canvas has already been covered
In permanent marking
That once made all stitching come undone
The depth the paintbrush had made
Was a cry for help
The markings of the painter showed anger
Not at anyone
But at himself
With no other solution
Your beautiful canvas has been destroyed
Yet rebuilt
With a story to tell with every marking.

You're like smoke
so faintly I can see you
but when I go to feel you
kiss you
love you
you arent there
youre like snow on a summer ground
you melt away so quickly
you course through my cells
Kind of like cicle cell
you cause me pain
You left scars
two inches deep
on my left wrist