i will end my life
not today
not tomorrow
maybe not even in a year from now
but i will leave this world
by my own hand
for i was brought here
not by choice
i was created
without any consent
signed a contract to keep breathing
the signature being my first breath
so i will leave on my own terms
by my own hand
my choice

s.s

your name used to be
       an intake of cool winter air
    refreshing my lungs
in glowing frost;
  when i speak your name
now nothing happens
      you are a memory
   best left forgotten

A deathly silence filled the air,
As I stood amongst a real nightmare,
I didn’t hear a single sound,
And in that moment my heart did pound.

The large vehicle lay on its side,
Like a stricken boat caught in low tide,
It lay there not alone,
But with 13 men trapped and they started to moan.

On hearing those poor unfortunate souls,
Who must of been thrown round like rag dolls,
I ran to seek help but my legs were like lead,
But I ran and ran as I thought men were dead.

With the RMP I arrived back at the scene,
A place i will never forget that I’ve been,
With lights and noise and people all around,
The rescue of men now on the ground.

As I stood in a daze fixed on the lights and noise,
My attention did switch, I changed my poise,
I could hear a voice talking to me,
“It’s ok, sit down, they’re all alive, almost free”.

Those words were what I needed to hear,
For most of that night I was swathed with fear,
As I thought I’d killed those in my lorry,
But we all survived, eternally grateful and I’m forever sorry!