I'm ******* terrified because I miss you so much my heart feels like it's caving in and I saw you seven hours ago. Looking at your face in the dark I can already feel how badly it is going to hurt when you leave. There are 10-12 hours (give or take) everyday that I'm not with you so in one week that means there's almost 5 days I'm missing out on and in one month that's roughly 20 days spent without you and in one year thats 240 days I don't get to see you. It scares me that I know that. It scares me how much that upsets me. Some days I wake up feeling like you're already gone. I'm already sad for next year. It may be your last semester but it feels like mine too, but its not a relief. I'm stuck here for another year and a half and by the time I catch up with you, you'll be all moved on. I've never been this comfortable and that's how I know I probably won't survive you leaving, and I can lie to myself and say it'll be fine but my heart is already breaking. How am I supposed to change every aspect of my life? I said I wouldn't need you but my fingers were crossed. I think I've needed you my whole life. I shouldn't put this weight on your shoulders, I shouldn't be pulling you down. I shouldn't be doing this to you. I would like to be able to say that I deserve this and I deserve you but I know that I don't. You're a gift from the Universe that I got by mistake but I'm too selfish to give you back. I'll probably be the first to say "I love you" but I know I'll be the last to leave.

I give my love

I give my love to you

I give you shelter

I give you shelter in my heart

Whatever may be the place
Whatever may be the place
You live....

For me

You are inside me
You are inside me

Inside my body
Like no one can
separate

Inside my heart
Like no one can
take you out

you tell yourself
that you don't love him
you will not
in any way whatsoever
spend a moment more vying
for his attention
for his affection
or whatever
you call it
the jokes before during after class
how you are afraid to touch him
because
maybe he has some
magical
power
and can feel
that you are dying yearning straining
for a moment in his limelight
to be even a blip
in his timeline
a moment in a lifetime
you wonder if he can feel your love through your glances
when he walks next to you
time prances
a sugar spun web of
friendship
you never thought
a word
could sound so cruel
and bittersweet
like spiderwebs spun
through heart strings.
you know he won't
has said
has scraped his foot awkwardly as you
poured
implied
no spewed
your affections
in a barrage of desperation
of losing
of love
wouldn't it be easier
if you were like him?
able to see the world
the girls who hurt him
you
in a different light?
one that wouldn't
keep you up at night?
maybe
his hurt
is a questions you forgot to ask
you will do it tomorrow
joking before class.
the same patterns
picking away
on your heart strings

I'm scared....
I'm scared of being loved...
  I'm scared that you'll change your mind...
   I'm scared that our last good-bye will come... and soon...
    I'm scared that you'll look at me, the same way I look at myself....
     I'm so so scared to fall in love... because I'm a
                          t i c k i n g  t i m e  b o m b

              **but I'm much more scared of losing you

Sometimes i imagine our hands touching in between the sheets, bringing back every late night memory of you holding me.

But then i wake up, and i remind myself that i'll never see my reflection in your eyes again.

You asked me when me heart went missing.
I told you when my mind did.
I like to think that I loved you.
I like to think that I still do.
I can't tell anymore though, if I'm in love with you, or the girl I once knew.
A lot can change in a year.
But not me.
I'm still that same old record, left on repeat.
I'm that same broken boy, with scratched hands, and purple eyes.
You change personalities like clothes, and I was the only one who didn't know.
In the end we can pretend like I didn't notice the way you brushed your hair off your shoulder, or the way you sighed and stared into space.
But I did.
I miss it.
But I know it's gone now.
I really do wonder if it's for the best.