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please do not look at me
so the butterflies in my stomach stop fluttering so achingly
please do not laugh with me
so your boyish grin does not find its way to my twilight dreams
please do not speak to me
so your winsome words are not all i hear in the summer daze
please do not care for me
so i do not believe you'll be there when i need someone in the dark of night
but instead,
please walk away from me
so i will get used to how it feels when you leave
please ignore me
so i forget the beautiful mind of yours that enthrals me
please be truthful to me, show me you don't care
so i know i am of no significance among the people in your life
please, break my heart already
so i have a reason to believe you will never be mine

I loved you, beyond the grasp of words.
The paint brush I used to describe you
Was weak and withering
Needed re-configuring
Cause you were boundless

I loved you dangerously
Even when you hurt me
Scars and scabs
Nightmares in history
Bleeding insanity
Across the canvass of time.

I loved you even when you hated me.
The outsider, with ***** ideas
The spoken artist broken heart with this
Dark daring dreams
To help heal all human beings
When you were already so happy
Being subdued by propaganda

I loved your expressions
Your poetry, your sketches
Your philosophy and science
Your rejection of dogmas
When you had the strength
To reject them.

I loved your filth
Desire and rage
Lustful urges
***** thoughts
*******

Even when you beat me down
Like a trailer trash wife
When you reeked of hatred
Stunk of consumerism and racism
I still loved you

Even when I hated you
For breaking my heart
With all the bombs
And violence
When you turned my hopes to ash
When I watched you flash past
And finally come back
From dark ages to enlightenment
And back around again and again
I still loved you

I still love you

Slower and sadder,
Jealous and envious.
Happier and brighter,
Loud and raucous.

Looks like waiting seemed better,
Hopeful heart setter.
Looks like I saw an illusion,
a needed delusion.

An option was made,
A second choice created.
Time might have fixed it,
Waiting might heal it.

I carry the
cruelty of Winter

Bleeds through all
of the seasons

Stops at your
heated Summer lips

My frostbitten lips
fear a kiss

The cold follows
with no reasons

Warm shivery sensation
like a splinter

On my mind
At the thought

Of both seasons
Meeting at once

An ocean of thoughts
My lonely ship sail
Collide with the iceberg
It is so you
So sharp and so cold
Wrap my metal around
The heaviness of us both
Rusted and old
Meets new and bold
Contrast is tragic and beautiful
We were brought here by waves
To crash to sink and to fail
Let us submerge together