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Pearson Bolt Jan 2017
yesterday i flippantly
quipped to a friend
in casual conversation,
"i'm not a nihilist,
i'm just being
realistic."

the weight of those words
sank in today. the prospect
of the grave gave
them new gravitas.
entropy saps our vitality.
eventually, everything ends.

the best we can hope
for is to die before
those we love
leave us.
Pearson Bolt Jan 2016
the pastor prattles on
and i nod off as my
phone shudders in the
pocket of my jeans

i fish it out
during the brief
interim where
everyone obediently
closes their eyes and
bows their heads
victims for a hungry
guillotine

the screen alights with
her name just as i
suspected and i voraciously
read the rough draft of the
poem she's just sent me  

the clock stops in the middle
of two separate seconds
i ruminate over the illuminated text
on screen digesting feminine
intentions between intermittent
glances to see if anyone's noticed
how even Father Time
paused to read her lyrics

i'd read dozens of excerpts
penned by her generous hands
sonnets wreathed in somber cadences
spoken word blistering with brazen passion
and compassionate pleas beseeching
all who'd listen to thaw cold hearts
and take heed of the lost
and lonely masses but
i never read something where
she referenced me

alas
the piece was
brief
and i can't help
but think i am
one of her many
footnotes

and the sick and subtle
tragedy is that she
instigates my exposition
rises in each action
and catalyzes every
climactic conclusion
Pearson Bolt Feb 2017
left to right,
all looks the same to me.
as far as the eye can see,
a cadre of thieves
waiting for their chance.
when our vigilance slips
they'll kick the chair beneath our feet
and leave us hanging
from the bows of a willow tree.

if ever there was a time
to smash windows, burn limos,
and punch Nazis, the moment is here.
you fancy yourself progressive
yet here you sit on your hands, regressing,
playing the hand you've been dealt.
did you forget the deck is stacked?
the House always wins.

it's time to flip the table over.

toss their rule-book in the gutter.
a clenched fist is not just an image
you stick on a protest sign
to appear edgy. the movement
for gender equality is not an opportunity
for you to get laid. fighting the State
is not a weekend getaway.
carve the reality into your thick skull:
people are dying.

don't you see? they want us divided.
we're easier prey that way.
if they demonize the anarchists
and socialists then they can make
the liberals feel safe. "don't be violent,"
they say. "comply. obey. and we'll mete out
just enough concessions to keep
your guilty conscience assuaged."

if we fail to hold their feet to the fire
they'll throw us in the ovens.
the fascists will drag us out
behind the chemical sheds,
pull a burlap sack over our heads,
and won't stop the firing squad
'till we're long dead.

will you sit idle and watch
them drag us away? or will you
get aggressive, stand up to the State
and say, "not today."
don't be a passive participant
in your own arrest. the human mind
is omnipotent, an emancipatory instrument.
we have to begin
imagining a world without gods and masters,
envisioning what it means to be truly free.
resist the corpulence of false democracy
and make the prefigurative dream
our new reality.
A plea for unity. A call to arms.
Pearson Bolt Aug 2017
i trace your cartography with my fingertips
as the yawning sun filters through the blinds.  
your chin sits on my chest, confident, at rest.
you smirk before you kiss me, run your hands
through my hair, and whisper, “g'morning, love.”
i chart your valleys, climb your mountains, slip
into the crevasse parting greedily to admit me.
you are a new world, one i only yearn to explore,
to document, to adore. you’re built of marble,
somehow delicate, yet firm
all at once, as if you were set
into the corridors of my mind, chiseled
by divine hands. you're a relief
easing anxiety, a treasure
to cherish every morning
when i open my eyes
to burgeoning life.
relief:
n.
1. prominence, distinctness, or vividness due to contrast.

2. the projection of a figure or part from the ground or plane on which it is formed, as in sculpture or similar work.

3. alleviation, ease, or deliverance through the removal of pain, anxiety distress, oppression, etc.
Pearson Bolt May 2017
i always heard,
"write what you know.
forget the rest."
but i'm tired of
poems where you
and i never fit
on the same line.

just once,
i'd like to breach
your universe—
an alternate reality
where you opened
your heart,
not just your body.
i dream of a galaxy
where your affection
floods my psyche.

then i might pen
a verse or two
in quiet
reminiscence,
commemorating
an experience
where love
was finally requited.
Pearson Bolt Feb 2017
i hung myself
from your lips
the first time
we kissed,
a transcendent
moment, shining
effervescent
as the sun.

love was the rope
i wound into a noose
on that rooftop.
an audience of stars
looked on, voyeurs
lightyears beyond.

years have lapsed since then,
but i return invariably
to those moments we spent
absorbed to the point of ecstasy
as if time were a flat circle
and i was meant to live eternally
caught between the fragments
of those seconds.

fixated by the temporary transgressions
we permit ourselves
every few months.
revolving like a planet
tethered to its star
by the insistent arms of gravity.
we're partners in crime, stealing borrowed time,
trying in vain to recreate
the first fissures
of a friendship
that fractured our lives
like a fragmentation grenade.

consistently,
i become convinced,
as time moves on
and i remain transfixed,
that maybe i was meant to love
but not be loved in return.
Pearson Bolt Feb 2017
wind me up
like a VHS
tape. tap
play, flay
my skin,
expose the meat
beneath
these rotten limbs.

stop.

trapped in a spider's web
of microfilament
ruptured inside plastic
cassette fractures,
fault-lines
from the wear
and tear
of constant
replay.

rewind.

a favorite scene
that seems to scream
of bliss
but has become
the site of such
anguish.

play.

if only
i could excise
these moments,
tape the frayed
fragments back
together
with scotch-tape.
delete the scene
and set the film
ablaze.
Pearson Bolt Feb 2017
i make love with Death every night.

during the day, we go our separate
ways, but she's always on my mind.
after work, we meet up.
same routine. dinner, occasionally.
but always drinks.

she downs a bottle
of Cabernet
with no help
from me.
the red compliments
her dress and flushes
her cheeks with pink.
i just take coffee. black.

afterwards, she needs
a lift home. i'm her dd.
the city lights blur
indigo and violet,
blossoming like flowers
in the pavement
of the night sky.

we arrive. she invites
me to come inside,
looks me in the eye,
says, "i love you."

i believe her,
even though i know
it's a lie.

the minutes hang thick.
while she sobers up,
we roll dice
and tell stories.

then, breathless and slick,
it begins in the kitchen.
gasps come in spasms, pulsing
in tandem with our obsessive—
compulsive—desire.
we continue beneath the duvet.
i sample the flesh between her legs.
she tastes like pomegranate
and bruised starfruit. her sweat
is second-hand smoke. my brain buzzes
from Marlboro Lite cigarettes.

afterwards, we lay over the sheets
as the ceiling fan rotates eternally
overhead, humming a tune we both hear
in our dreams but cannot comprehend.  
her head rests on my chest,
she loses herself in the gaps
between each heartbeat.

wordless, we drift.

when i wake, she's always gone.
the space in bed beside me
has grown cool. jealously,
i wish Death had taken me with her.
Pearson Bolt Jun 2017
i thought this feeling would prove fleeting, dissipating with the rain.
but nothing's changed. there's still a void
where you used to be.
anxiety's vise-grip didn't ease one bit
when i found a new home
on the bay, so far away from the memories
that infect the streets we used to roam.
every love story eventually ends in tragedy.
entropy is our fate. but wherever i go,
i seem to be doomed to stumble
perpetually in and out
of your shadow. the rot that clings
like leprosy. inexorably, i decay.
drawn like rust right back to you.
Pearson Bolt Apr 2017
the worship service looks full this morning
though, admittedly, i haven't been
in attendance since Christmas.
families in their Sunday best
sit on wooden pews
in a patriarchal church
that spent its tithings
on a multi-million dollar
gymnasium rather than the poor
their savior told them to look out for.

men, women, and children
awkwardly pretend
to sing contemporary hymns
beneath their breath,
hoping no one will notice
as they pick their noses,
thinking absently of Easter dinner.

i write poems
while the pastor prattles,
his shallow words
an empty drone
filling my ears
with white noise.

i feel myself drifting.
i haven't been sleeping
lately. the news has got me thinking
each passing day might be our last
on planet Earth and i'll be incensed
if i waste one minute more
than necessary
in this cramped
and ugly church,
a sanctuary smelling faintly
of old ladies, cheap perfume,
and wilted flowers dying silently.

just one more week
and i'll have been
god-free for half a decade.
for now,
i grin and bear the tedium
and mourn the tarnished legacy
of the radical rabbi,
a Nazarene who took on an Empire
and died by his convictions.

i daresay,
he'd be rolling in his grave
if he could see
these rich, white
Presbyterians sullying
his good name—
provided, of course,
he'd not so famously
vacated the premises.
National Poetry Month, Day 16.
Pearson Bolt Mar 2017
i want to rescue
someone else
'cause i can't seem
to save myself.
Pearson Bolt May 2017
black and blue,
adorned
by ugly welts
and purple bruises
the naked eye
cannot perceive.
i keep picking
at invisible scabs,
addicted
to the rush—
the self-hate
a shotgun blast
burying pellets
like tiny graves
in the remnants
of my face.

i grit tombstone teeth
and keep peeling back
sundered-earth skin—
badlands flesh,
bones of scattered stones.
stamina sapped
by anxiety's quicksand
swallowing me whole.
each line of red
remains a white-hot
and unfortunate
reminder i haven’t died
just yet.

i’d be the first to agree:
asking for help
takes courage and strength.
walking this path alone
is the coward’s way.
misery may love
company, but i choose
to stay in solitude.
i may be lonely,
but at least
i have the luxury
of making my own mistakes.
Pearson Bolt Aug 2015
we labor under an oppressive thumb
not realizing the very leaders
we exalt will use that power to
hold us down

we've armed them with
the greatest of weapons
blind conformity
empty apathy
unquestioning obedience
what we believe in is a puppet

as our so-called democracy devolves
we increase in callousness
masses designed with a singular purpose
to extinguish original thought

accept or die
embrace or be ostracized
belabor the point
that your purpose is to labor forever
another slave along the chain
another cog in the machine
bent-kneed
stooped before some
corporate conglomerate
a faceless superpower
pulling the strings behind the scenes

politicians bought and paid for
shouldering the burdens of the
Fortune 500 companies
who helped them purchase their office
beholden to back alley deals
and smoke and mirror gimmicks

artists traded rebellion for comfort
now they ply their craft for profit
to appease the brainwashed masses a
morally—and financially—bankrupt populace

they catalogue our every thought
metadata ensnared in the dragnet
mass surveillance a tool to bend the whims
of the people to their rulers

we **** black kids in Ferguson
as they walk down the middle of the street
shoot 'em down as the snack on skittles
and sip Arizona ice teas
they forbid us to feed the homeless
lock us in a jail cell if we dare to disobey
city ordinances designed to keep the
City Beautiful looking beautiful
but i see beyond the thin facade

expose war crimes
thanks for your service
Chelsea Manning
that'll be 35 years in federal penitentiary
hack a surveillance network spying on
activists and protesters
can't have that
that'll be 10 years at State
Jeremy Hammond
blow the whistle on the panopticon
thanks Edward Snowden
but we've grown to adore our own shackles

fear
24/7/365
fear this fear that
fear god fear death
fear Muslims fear blacks
just don't fear the rich white straight
males in their 4k suits and crooked smiles
pay the white-collar Wall St. Bankers no mind
the 1% who've left us all behind
as they lurk in the shadows
ruining everything

a fearful electorate will bow to the
whims of its masked dictatorship
and march without thought to the beat
of the war drums

**** them
**** all of them
ISIS Pakistan Iran Syria
all the Muslim savages in countries
whose names we can't even pronounce
render weapons to tyrannic despots
so we can pretend we
don't have blood on our own hands
torture extrajudicial assassination
extraordinary rendition drones bombing
civilians in record numbers
all cards we've stowed up our sleeves
in a war that is designed to never end
fight terrorism with terrorism
revenge not justice
but if our army is abusing children
then who the **** are the bad guys

confront the ambivalence that
roars like machine gun fire
violence is never the answer
and i refuse to stand by and watch
as we wreak havoc upon this earth

our leaders are liars
our gods are frauds
we're going to have to save ourselves

the answer does not rest above
a utopic afterlife in the clouds is a farce
we've been led like sheep to the slaughter
obedience and reverence have crippled us
if we want heaven
we'll have to raise hell

stand in solidarity with our brothers and sisters
in direct action cooperatives
nonviolent civil disobedience
insurrection against the State
anarchy is the answer

beat your swords to plowshares
and seek peace
Pearson Bolt Nov 2017
i. spring
do you remember
the first time
you asked me to write you a poem?
you were nervous
and you blushed
when you finally
found the words.
little did you know,
i’d already penned several—
though, none i was happy with.
i started the first not long after we met.
it grew like a sapling,
burgeoning in dayspring.
there were so many times
i should’ve figured out
i was in over my head.
but i knew with some certainty
that i was doomed
when you graffitied anarchy
in the concrete
of D.C.
right then and there
i should’ve realized
i’d fall for you.

ii. summer
can you recall
the first time
we made love?
the window was open,
the curtains weren’t drawn.
but August air kissed our skin
and you had no patience.
you guided my head down  
and you bit your tongue
to keep from screaming out.
after you came thrice,
we collapsed in a heap
of sheets knotted  
from sweat and ***.
i read you Camus
while you lay your head
on my chest to tune-in
to the rhythm and blues
of a heart that beat
a melody for you.

iii. autumn
will you recollect
the first time
i broke down?
lost it on the drive home
from Goodwill
where we tried to find
Halloween costumes.
we were stuck in rush-hour traffic.
anxiety got the best of me—
had my skeleton rattling
beneath my skin,
hands trembling
on the steering wheel,
teeth chewing
off my tongue.
panic.
the sun was setting
and there wasn’t a ******* thing
i could do
to keep it floating
in the heavens.

iv. winter*
i can’t forget
the first time
you came to me with scars on your wrists.
i held you while you shook with sobs,
vomited in the toilet,
and cursed a non-existent god.
i danced with you in the living room,
sang to you on the way home from St. Pete,
and held your hand in the Dali exhibit.
i gave you every bit
of love i had left
but i was never enough.
November’s fraught with cold.
seasons slip and i am eclipsed
by your new fling.
i wish you nothing
but happiness,
Beloved. i still adore you
endlessly.
Pearson Bolt Jan 2016
if a film fails to
pass the Bechdel Test
will you have the gaul to point it out

when your job forces you
to choose between paying rent
and lying to sell an ethically bankrupt
overly-priced yearly membership to your
not-so-friendly-neighborhood-bookstore
will you stand by conviction and walk alone

when your students ask
why you detest authority
will you tell it to them straight
explain that you estimate people
are at their best when they question
everyone and everything standing in their way

at any rate
no matter what
regardless of the cost
will you speak the truth
even when your voice shakes
A reminder to myself.
Pearson Bolt Sep 2015
aren't we just arguing semantics
like we always do
our hearts race at a
breakneck pace there are
two sides to every story but
even two is
far too few

we're spinning in aimless
circles hopeless amiss without
a clue as to how we ought
to navigate this disparate landscape
of emotional turmoil
that soars at moments in the clouds
above Mt. Everest peaking exuberantly  
at stars through thinning atmospheres
before plummeting to an abyss
darker and deeper than Mariana's
Trench on a journey to the center of
this floating rock we call Earth

we carry our emotional baggage on the
roundtrip non-stop four and a
half billion year long sojourn
though time and space
weathering calamities unlike
any epoch ever known to sentient life

the five great extinctions snuffed
out the light of trillions of organisms
vanished without so much as a trace
and yet this sole sensation of
depravity has me spiraling like a
kamikaze hell-bound and split
apart like a molecule undergoing
mitosis i feel as if i'm being ripped
from you and i do not have the
answers to all these questions poised
inside my mind floating about

not unlike secrets in a glass case
the steel claw descends
and tries to clasp onto
one thought from the trove but
slips loose and my tenuous grasp
on reality skips hand-in-
hand with it free-falling in slow
motion right through the
cracks in the floor

i know this might
sound abstract or absurd but not a
night drifts past when i don't wish
it was you i was holding against my
chest rather than this lumpy pillow that
lies cold still and motionless

after we first kissed i remember
thinking you tasted faintly of
pomegranate and i can't forget the
sandpaper tiles of the roof on our bare
skin or the not-so-quiet gasps
that slipped past your lips as
your hips clenched tightly about my wrist
a wet warmth spread out released in
willing ecstasy to ease my curiosity
a faint scent of alcohol lingering in
the sweet sweat of your ******
my heart still starts to shake and shudder with
a sort of anxious bliss at just the thought of it

and while you insist
you're polyamorous
i see nothing short of the
universe gleaming solely within your
cosmic eyes and i nurse the quiet
knowledge that we might
never share another
night so i will try my best
to set this love aside

yet for better or worse
i nurse the private hope
that we'll be partners-in-crime
smashing the Patriarchy and
vanquishing capitalism and traveling
the world but for now
all i want is to hold you through
the darkness and drift asleep to the
cadence of your heartbeat
one last time
Pearson Bolt Jan 2017
the brook
giggles
to our right
as the mote
floats
between us.

for a moment
that hangs
suspended
like the bridge
we crossed,
i study the dust.

you swear
it's a bug,
but i think
it looks a bit
like a dandelion
fluff, puffed
up by a wish
borne
on exhaled breath.

but perhaps
i'm just
distracted.
as my focus shifts
your sequoia tree irises
come into view.
i could study
the entire forest
framing your eyes
shaped like almonds
and never find
a richer shade
to plant
inside my mind.
Pearson Bolt Aug 2013
it’s 3:00am
again

i think
to myself
that seeing
my clock read

3:00am
as often as
i see it read
3:00pm

might suggest
that i really
ought to get
more sleep

it’s hard
though

when protesters
are shot in Egypt
when journalists
are detained with false pretense
when activists
seek shelter in embassies
when hackers
rot in prison cells
when whistleblowers
are put on trial

with all this
chaos and
injustice
i don’t understand
how anyone
in their right mind
could sleep in
peace
Pearson Bolt Dec 2017
i have no idea how many hours she toiled
in the community kitchen before i arrived,
but she’d made a *** of tofu stew, a bowl
of rice and beans, some spinach lasagna
soaked in marinara, hummus
and daiya cheese sandwiches.
diligent and dutiful,
without question,
without expectation.

an hour later, we stood in Lykes Gaslight Park,
doling out food to the houseless folks
who’d lined up for a vegan meal
when, out of the blue, a well-dressed
college student swaggered up to us,
his smile shimmering, and asked
what we were doing.

she brushed a loose strand
of hair behind one ear,
smearing a bit of sauce
across her cheek,
and said, “we are here to live
as if we are already free.”

they were sharing food too,
he explained, which was all well
and good. but we couldn’t help but notice
they’d never set foot here in the past,
that they only came out
when the season
passed into the holidays.

“you know,” he told us,
“you might not realize,
but the Lord Jesus Christ
is using you for the gospel.”
which seemed rather strange,
given that he’d be back
in his sanctuary before the year
was out, raising his hands
and praising his dead god
instead of standing beside us
every Tuesday and Saturday,
sharing.

but we remember the legacy
of the radical Nazarene,
the anarchic revolutionary
who fed five thousand—
a conquest of bread
with nothing but a few loaves
and some fish.
if you listen closely,
you can still hear him whispering,
“take what you need,
give what you can.”

we carry a new world
in our hearts and heads.
we don’t feed the hungry
to win a one-way trip to heaven.  
so when you forget
about the poor you use as a prop,
we godless few will remain
in the streets until every belly’s full
and capitalism collapses—
risking arrest, fighting abuse,
addiction and empty stomachs.
Food Not Bombs
Pearson Bolt Jan 2016
her boots have canyons in the seams
loose stitching comes undone until
it seems that the very fabric holding
the rubber and canvas together
will fracture like an unreliable narrator's
stream of consciousness
fragments of unreality

they will fall by the wayside
hand-me-downs to those
less fortunate and she'll
select a new set
to wear thin

some people swap shoes readily
bedazzled with glitter or emblazoned
with images of intergalactic wars or
Winnie the Pooh caricatures
characterizing our oscillating
personalities and whimsical fancies

i wear the same
beat-to-**** pair
each and every day
i feel at home when
my soles sink into
the warm embrace
of entangled laces
regardless of
where i roam

gigs at local venues
beach excursions after dark
vegan cafés
craft coffee bars
cramped classrooms
both teacher and student
i may wear many hats
but my sneakers remain

interminable

they say death is but
the next great adventure
i'm not certain i believe it
but i'll wear these vans to
my casket just in case
Pearson Bolt Apr 2019
i live to watch the words spill from you,
hot and sticky as your fingers work
their magic. slick from sweat,
frantically flicking, thrumming
out another string
of syllables,
eclipsing me with ellipses
blinking in the bottom
left corner of the screen
keying me in:
you’re still typing.

i am a ******,
afforded
a first-class seat
addicted to the way
you tease me
with your words:
gently.
slowly.
and also all at once.
i could hang
myself from the precipice
of your fingertips—
plying secret messages,
peep shows
for my eyes only.
you’re showing off,
and i can’t get enough.
Pearson Bolt Sep 2015
simultaneously i am
my own deity and enemy
at once a cancer and its cure
the sheep and the wolf
a king and a fool
subservient to none
yet obligated to all
a series of contradictions
and oxymorons played out
to define complexity in simplicity
purposelessness in post-modern artistry

a cornerstone on dry land but
sinking down in life's quicksand i
am defined in tandem with my
community but i also stand apart
independently spouting a philosophy
of non-violent civil disobedience
predicated on the heart informing and
the mind responding in kind
and my rebellion may or
may not be limited to
peaceful protest and direct action
it might also include
burning flags and bombing buildings
symbols of oligarchy come crashing down

i see utopic potential in the dystopian
narratives on Barnes & Noble's bookshelves
carry the fires of Prometheus to shake the
apathy of false hopes and leave desiccated
idolatry in the shallow graves that serve
as mouths spewing hatred and homophobia

i am an anarchist with Messianic tendencies
the infamous Nazarene
died defying Rome's empire and
i'll decry American chauvinism on my death-bed
born and bred in the home of
two happily-married conservative Christians
emerged a nonbeliever
i'll resist until the end

earning my master's in literary cultural
and textual studies and i've been told that
i'm prone to sophisticated soliloquies and
that i have a robust vocabulary yet
people always ask me why
my favorite word is ****
and i suppose it has something to do with
its versatility vibrancy and vivacious vicissitudes

i am in love with a girl with
forest-fire hair follicles that burn
almost as bright as the compassion she
nurtures in her chest a rebel girl
in a patriarchal world wielding middle-
fingers as easily as warm hugs
i adore that she is polyamorous
even if i have eyes for only her

i lead a democratic classroom
by modeling leaderlessness
a professor and a student
fellow learners use
my first name 'cause
we're one and the same
i'd be ashamed if i adopted
the illusion of authority and
tried in vain to tame the virtue of
liberty latent in every one of my students

i am my own damnation
an island unto myself
beset with the black plague of  
self-doubt drowning in the ocean of
delusion bereft of self-determination
betrayed the man in the mirror
i am my own adversary and accuser
judge jury and executioner
i signed my own death warrant

and i am my own redemption
i am the savior nailed to the cross  
nothing and no one
can stand in my path
i am the arbiter of free-will
the harbinger of hope and i
will vanquish the lies that
choke my throat like nooses of rope
and tie myself a lasso to pull down
the moon and sun and travel
aimlessly throughout the galaxy
as i did once
from star-dust i was
born and to dust i shall
inexorably return

simultaneously i am
my own deity and enemy
at once a cancer and its cure
the sheep and the wolf
a king and a fool
subservient to none
yet obligated to all
a series of contradictions
and oxymorons played out
to define complexity in simplicity
purposelessness in post-modern artistry
Pearson Bolt Apr 2019
we exist in the liminal space
between super giants,
stretching
out between yawning suns
like rainbow ribbons—
constellations bridging
the gaps between who we are
and where we want to be.

cosmic dust
conspired to place us
on this pale blue dot
within two weeks
of one another.
we will persist
if only for the blink
of an eye.

stretched out
like an ellipsis...
a thousand miles
might as well
be a lightyear.
tell me, truly
do we trace
the same patterns
in the heavens
when we gaze
skyward?

plot a course,
trace the lines
between supernovas.
follow the star-map
to your front porch step,
hopping from one star
to another.
Pearson Bolt Mar 2014
strange
isn’t it

how
memories
pique our moods like
mountains

bursting
through the
stratosphere
only to be sent
plummeting to the
depths of an

abyss
darker
and
deeper
than Marianas Trench
at the flip of a

switch

subtle triggers
found in the way
someone laughs
or when a co-worker
grins
out of the corner of
his or her
mouth

i see you
in the characters of the
literature and
films we used to critique
over coffee
hiding in the vestiges
of Daenerys Targaryen
or
Mélanie Laurent

you are France
an entire country
unto yourself

the smell of the sea
clings to your skin cells
in ways i
only wish
i could

you are in every
solitary
letter of Helvetica
whispering
softly
of things that
were
of things that
are
and of some things that
have not yet come to pass

you float
in the carcinogenic smoke
of cigarettes
a silhouette
corporeal particles
i exorcise
with equal parts
relief
and
regret

every night that i
paint the town
in neon colors
of vibrant life
i write your name
when i
vandalize
and fantasize
that you are
somehow with me
maybe floating happily
in the molecules
of aerosol
spreading across the
concrete

you’re in every song
by Brand New
like the residue of
dew drying on
the leaves
in the
mid-morning
light
lingering
even as
the sun calls you

home
the way i lingered
on your doorstep
to make sure that
you made it safely
back inside your
home

i’ve come to find that
i am equal parts
melancholy
and
blithe
and
i think that i
can finally say
i’m getting better

but
to borrow
a page
from Vonnegut
i’d be lying if
i said i didn’t still
catch
myself feeling
sorry
about the things that
no longer
matter
Pearson Bolt Jan 2017
a toxic sludge,
sentient,
slugging towards oblivion.

drown my blood in crud.
stain every cell
opaque
with ink.

why fight
when you
already know
the outcome?

let go.

the struggle
is futile, suffering
is inevitable.
forsake hope:
we're all born
expired.

give up.

death is one
last gasp.
breathe deep.
swallow the muck.
coat my lungs
with mud.

passenger, pass away.
Pearson Bolt Jan 2017
i hope you ******* overdose.

if there was any justice
in this indifferent universe
the H you blew
your paycheck on
rather than your son
would've left you comatose.

i hope you ******* overdose.

no room for pity. cower, coward.
spare us all the trouble.
chase the dragon, get back up
on that horse again.
i pray to god the mud
you smoke coats your lungs
and turns to toxic sludge.

i hope you ******* overdose.

one day you'll see just what you've done.
when the realization hits you
like a baseball bat
smack!
against your skull
and your body flops about
in its death throes,
punctuate the blows
with a bit of prose:
you don't poison  
those you claim to love.

i hope you ******* overdose.
Poison-free. Straight-edge. Don't **** with my friends.
Pearson Bolt Nov 2016
i’ve long dreamt
of black flags in the streets
tonight i marched beneath
the shadow of their wings

shoulder-to-shoulder
in hope and solidarity
an anarchist professor
with a climate change activist
an independent journalist
and one of my students

as mid-November winds tugged
at her pink-and-brunette hair
she lifted a hand-drawn sign
of a gigantic sneaker
smashing a ****
and i felt
for not the first time
an enormous sense of pride

how humbling to at once
inspire and be inspired by
an eighteen-year-old
punk and artist
who asked to borrow
The Moral Imperative of Revolt
two scant months ago
then took to the streets
to oppose and depose
a twisted fascist virtuoso

for two whole hours
we hundreds owned the streets
we marched down Rosalind
Central and Orange Avenue
as protest slogans rang angelic
we raised hell and found heaven
in liberty equality and solidarity

but then the pigs closed in
cordoned to Lake Eola
to scream acquiescent rhetoric
at the fish sleeping
blissful in their innocence
beneath the jet black surface

a half-dozen cops in riot gear
astride horses loomed
ominous before us
backlit by the headlights
of the aggravated motorists
our march had forestalled

as the people abandoned the streets
we’d won so easily
i felt my chest wilt beneath
the weight of forsaken opportunity
my eyes scanned the remaining crowd

four stood strong
rooted to the concrete
by the world's weight
anchored by conviction
an anarchist professor
an independent journalist
a climate change activist
and a freshman college student

i heard the professor whisper to his student
i heard him say she'd put herself in harm’s way
that they'd lost the day when the marchers
turned their backs and walked away
but she didn’t flinch or move an inch
she stood silent and vigilant
shoulder-to-shoulder
chin held almost as high
as her ****-smashing protest sign
and her matching *******

and in that moment
i could’ve died
smiling
This poem is not about me. Quite the contrary, this poem is about my brave student. An absolute champion.
Pearson Bolt Apr 2016
our clothes are perfumed
in the after effects
of the cigarettes
you and he share
as we drive down
unpaved paths in Iowa

bits of ash
slip past your seatbelt
to build new nests
tangled gray birds
in my beard's brambles

the wind splutters its dying breaths
as a Jeep Cherokee kicks up
specters of dust
and i sit in the backseat
forgotten
while second-hand smoke
leaks out half-cracked windows
fleeing your presence

i envy the particles
liberated from the confines
of your cancerous lungs
slipping free and disappearing
into the mourning light
rising with a ruddy sun
behind anguished hillocks
Pearson Bolt Oct 2017
you seized on the opportunity
to tell me what i ought to believe
while my best friend
lay dead on a hospital bed.
pulled me aside, lead me into
a sterilized room,
asked if you could pray
for the both of us.

you told me you feared
for my immortal soul
while his body
was still growing cold.

later that week, at the funeral
you twisted his memory,
trying in vain
to manipulate me.
you said he prayed for me daily
but the god you share,
in his “perfect timing,”
took him far too ******* early.

you told me he feared
for my immortal soul
while the mortician
incinerated him whole.

no respite
from the fictions you spin.
no solace
in the arms of religion.
doomed to wander
a hollow shell,
you make this earth
an existential hell.

i have no fear
for my imaginary soul.
everything ends,
absorbed into a black-hole.

so many snake-oil peddlers—
bite back down
on your forked tongues,
shear them off
with vampiric teeth.
keep the name of my best friend
out of your poisoned mouths
so i can find some peace.
Pearson Bolt Jan 2017
i can still smell
the fertile soil
beneath my nails.

breathe deep.

inhale the heavy crush
of nature, fragrant
and somber on a frigid
Florida morning.

pulling past-due produce
from the earth
only to cut it up
and return the harvest
once more to the ground
as compost.

i nicked my finger
on a pair of scissors
dicing mustard greens.
i laughed. i’d never
noticed just how red
blood was. today,
juxtaposed
with the Planet’s brown flesh,
i marveled at my own fragility.

for the first time
in what feels like forever
i didn’t ruin
what i touched.
http://fleetfarming.com/
Pearson Bolt Mar 2017
i find solace
in life's finality.
fragile as porcelain,
prone to shatter
in this bull
in a China shop
existence.
eventually,
all our suffering
will slip
from the memories
of those who
outlast us.
thank ****,
everything ends.
son
Pearson Bolt Jan 2016
son
it dawned on me as i
brushed my teeth this
cold and frigid Sunday morning
that Christianity is predicated on
caricatures of morality and desiccated
imagery guilt-tripping and manipulating
the emotionally malleable with sycophantic
fantasies of sempiternal enmity
simmering infernally within dogmatic
magma melting mundane minds

we aren't made in the
image of the invisible
and the more i study
the face looking back
in the mirror i can't seem
to find a single similarity
between you and me

you've spent nearly fifty years
in service to a deity Nietzsche buried
half a century bent-kneed but
somehow i'm the one who
needs to try an open mind

in the face of such
deafening and deadly hypocrisy
is it any surprise i rose
in revolt against this
putrid apparatus of control

it's sad
you see
you fancy yourself an image
of the Nazarene but you're
so unlike your savior
a Sadducee dancing like a cobra
to the whimsical melodies of
snake-oil peddlers so

by all means
pray for me
the clouds can't hear
your desperate pleas this
galaxy is apathetic to our
finite and fragile existence
a momentary blip on the radar of
a fourteen billion year old universe

yet you possess the audacity
to believe an intergalactic being
instilled you with predestiny so
you can judge and condemn just
like the villains in
your beloved fairy tales

tell me the truth
do you even read
the lines of red bled
across the ancient pages
of your gospels or do
you just pretend that
Jesus said whatever
makes you happy

clearly you fancy yourself
the center of the universe but
as much as i hate to be
the bearer of bad news
the world revolves around the sun
not the Son of Man

i'd rather brave the depths of hell
than grovel before your
narcissistic King of Kings
i will never beg for
you to forgive me
i freed my mind and like
a canary in a coal mine i'm
insistently pointing towards the exit
so crucify me if you will
even you couldn't escape the irony

abandon your holy text for works
of art and philosophy and science
your scriptures are a tale
told by an idiot
full of sound and fury
signifying nothing

i will not relent in my
blasphemous semantics
nor repent for my perceived iniquity
your Christ is interned within
an unmarked grave outside Jerusalem  
and before long now we
will all join him
though admittedly not in
the fashion you'd imagined

there is no feast prepared
for my inevitable homecoming
so keep your ring
a golden band reminding
those who read the
anthologies of history of
property and slavery

i'll deny until i die
i won't bind my mind to
your tepid theology
i am not the prodigal son
"I had only a little time left and I didn't want to waste it on god."
- Albert Camus
sow
Pearson Bolt Jun 2019
sow
plant a bullet like a seed
within the contours of my head
and witness all the carnage
that will flower in its stead.
i swear i’m fit to rupture
from all the sorrow in my skull.
hairline fractures spiderweb
across these brittle bones. rip apart
my rib cage and sow a garden
in my chest, let the buds blossom
as i’m finally laid to rest.
turn my flesh to compost
so something radiant
might grow, i’m sick to death
of soaking up the sun’s incessant glow.
forget me like wilted petals yearning
for a drink. don’t pretend to miss me
when i finally sink beneath.
Pearson Bolt Jan 2016
the planet makes another pass
around its lonely star
an arbitrary point in space-time
delineated by a self-aggrandized
emperor stabbed to death by
those closest to him

et tu
brute

i spent the night
the sole attendee in a
dreary cinema
half-asleep
ignoring spasms
of guilt and envy
witnessing the depravity
to which the 1%
would sink to ensure
their profits never
decreased  

you were getting wasted
with strangers and
fair-weather friends
on cheap liquor and i can't
help but wonder if he's there

does he even ask to hold your hand

and i'll nurse
my jealousy
the way you'd
sip a lukewarm beer
it tastes foul but
no one wants to be
the only one at a
New Year's Eve party
who has to be
sober

some nights i imagine i am
the lone survivor of an ill-fated crew
the very last human being
in an apathetic galaxy
awakened from hypersleep
trapped aboard this
spaceship
Happy New Year
Pearson Bolt May 2017
father time's wispy white beard
drifts like cumulus clouds over
his work desk. with a bony finger
he adjusts the half-moon glasses
on the bridge of his nose,
an absent-minded gesture—
this blind clockmaker
hasn't seen in years.

the gadget fidgets, plied
by his callous-tipped fingers.
over the radio, a jazz duo
croon a somber tune.
the old man wipes beads
of sweat from his brow
with the back of a hand,
then connects two wires.

sparks sizzle in the dim light
of the workshop, cascading
comet-tails in brilliant plumes,
filling the room with hues
of phosphorescent blue.
once more, he'll try in vain
to compartmentalize
spacetime.
Henceforth, space by itself and time by itself are doomed to fade away into mere shadows, and only a kind of union of the two will preserve an independent reality.
- Herman Minkowski
Pearson Bolt Dec 2017
i can’t spin
any of the records
we listened to
anymore—
you’re constantly
in the background,
singing along.
i feel your hand
brush mine
when the needle drops
on ****.
and 808’s pop off.
you infuse the tunes
that croon
like lullabies,
reminding me
that you’ll remain
forever in my
Peripheral Vision.
Pearson Bolt Apr 2019
i used to pray god
would let me die. now i just
watch the clock standby.
Pearson Bolt Apr 2015
some of us measure our lives
in trips around the sun
or in moments of bliss
when eternal happiness is
found in the hairsbreadth
between two milliseconds
but it's safe to say my
life is the sum
of all my lost parts

i've met some characters in my lifetime
had our fair share of sordid trials
and mischievous misadventures
epic enough memories to fill a storybook
that might rival the Illiad or Aeneid
but they all fade

       one
               by
                      one

we were all sadly misguided
they told us
that our friends are like the stars
that even if we can't see
they're still there
hiding in the empty spaces
where we used to find them

                            if
                     only
                  it
         were
   true

our friends our families our loved ones
are all like stars
shining brightly in the dark for
what seems like eons
crystal calm before impending doom
each of us
a supernova exploding outwards
and scattering to the bitter ends of
this cold and lonesome universe

and there's a certain
melancholy in sweetness
a tepid blessing in a curse
an oath inscribed in every atom in  
everyone and everything—
nothing lasts forever
death is the only promise
Pearson Bolt Feb 2016
i saw a dead dog on the median today
its entrails scattered
across sun-baked cement
gore crows perched on
suburban rooftops
cursing the cars
that drove past aimless
separating them
from breakfast

                                                               i've
                                                      been
                             s t r e t c h e d
                       like
            string
theory

an object
e l o n g a t e d
by the pressure
of gravity
gobbling light
black holes
f r a c t u r i n g
time and space

i am jaded
bitter
restless
weary

i snapped today
broke a picture frame
the glass shattered
shards splayed
the photograph remained
temporarily unscathed
i burnt the black and white image
with a lighter that smelled
faintly of old cigarettes

it was not an accident

i wanted to
hurt
break
maim
****
something other than
myself
for once

a fury fills every fiber of my being
infernal ire boiling internally
controlling contorting consuming
i bore my cross this far
it'd be a shame to leave it
unoccupied
Pearson Bolt Jan 2016
i once met an old
man
who did
sudoku
with ink and
pen

black or blue
it didn't
much matter
one way
or another

so long as
it was never
pencil
he despised
pencil on
principle

on those rare
occasions
when he'd make a
mistake

he refused
to cross out the incorrect
integer

i asked him
why
one sunny
summer day
and he told me

that we can't cross out
our choices
or erase
our mishaps
we can only
turn the page

and on he went
to his next
puzzle
Pearson Bolt Dec 2017
few sensations
are as serene
as the warm kiss
of the sun’s lips
on a cold day.
a gentle reminder
that even amidst
the bitterness
and suffering
there remain
rare moments
of joy.
Pearson Bolt Jan 2016
you still show up
every time i put
pen to paper
looking down
over my shoulder
watching inspiring
you inhabit every molecule of ink

each time i sit down at my desk
you peel apart my brain cells
as if you were pulling
back your veil on
your wedding day and
surveil tangential passages
bridging my synaptic gaps

i am a bee caught within your web
and i feel your thousand eyes
probing and poring over me
i couldn't escape
even if i wanted to

each black drop or generous dollop
has a hundred thousand
splintered fragments of you
fractions refracting strife and
intermittent anguish that
comes and goes without
so much as a
moment's warning
or a fond farewell

i have grown accustomed
to a lack of sleep
Pearson Bolt Dec 2017
all my friends
wish they were dead.
how could we hope
to change the world
when we’re trapped
inside the labyrinths
that cage the brains
inside our heads?

i can’t seem to ****
the void that lives
in my chest—
leeching every instance
of happiness.

maggots feast
on the detritus,
feed the abyss
an avalanche
of all the drugs
suffocating us.

i miss the days
where my hatred
could swallow
my sorrow.
For those who hurt like me.
Pearson Bolt Apr 2017
breaststrokes
power me
through nebulous
clouds of stardust.
push through the pain,
echoing in the chasms
of a brain deadened.
bypass the past
that clings like detritus,
beyond the black holes
gobbling galaxies
whole. onwards.
eyes set on the horizon
nothing lies beyond:
dancing along
the razor's straightedge,
an eternally
expanding cosmos.
National Poetry Month, Day 10.
Pearson Bolt Dec 2016
you are an ancient oak tree
an old soul, silently standing vigil
over my balcony.
your branches shade me
as i ponder the intricacies
of the cosmos, limbs outstretched
in a complex web of leaves
embracing unanswered mysteries.

moonbeams peel back the branches to peer
down at you, white light dancing like phantoms
on your skin, desperate to heal
the bits of you cut  
and marred by calloused hands.
one day i'll kiss your scars like the moon
and feel the heat of your bark
pressing warm against my form.

your presence steals the toxins
from the air i inhale, steeling me,
harvesting CO2
and producing oxygen.
i want to breathe deep,
fill my lungs with your fragrance,
a heady high, lost
in an aura of hot pink.

as a chorus of crickets
deign to sing just for us—
the only audience still up
at half past 1:00
in the morning—
i treasure the way your mahogany irises
continually brighten when you look at me.
a symbiosis simultaneously saving both of us.
Pearson Bolt Nov 2017
i hate this town
and all the memories
tied to it
like broken symmetry,
loose wires
misfiring
in a fragile mind.

flea markets
and dog parks,
the Orpheum
and Foundation,
every inch
of this
coastal city
whispers quietly
of you.

each moment spent
in this ******* apartment
is a constant reminder
that waking up
beside you
felt like coming home.
Pearson Bolt Apr 2017
my lethargic limbs ache
taut against the strings.
****** around
by a puppet-master
with invisible hands.
perpetually exhausted.
i sleep,
but i do not rest.
just once,
i'd like to wake up
on the right side
of the bed.
instead, i keep
waking in a sweat
at 3:00am, wishing
i was dead.
National Poetry Month, Day 19.
Pearson Bolt Dec 2017
hang in suspense,
breathless as you stretch
across the bed, resplendent.
you grasp the sheets, throw back
your head as bliss skips
like a rock across a pond—
a gasp
traipsing along.
watch your fingers dip
and play around
while i lick my lips
and beg to taste
you as you ***.
you grin, teasing—
hold the scent of ***
beneath my nose
and tell me to wait
my turn.
arms’ reach is too far
when i can’t slip
beyond voyeurism.
pleading, needing,
yearning for salted
caramel apple
to spurt
like honey
all across
my tongue.
Pearson Bolt Nov 2017
i want my poems to have teeth.  
i want my words to cut,
to maim, to bleed.
with verses, i will raze
empires. with stanzas,
i will turn thrones to dust.
with nothing but a bit
of silver on my tongue,
i will take the life of god.

i’ll ply that same *****
like honey, taste the sweet
nothings dripping
between knocking knees.
quake and quiver for me,
let me slip, furtive
as nightshade
to sate your curiosity.

feel the weight of veracity
in these fingers patiently
transcribing forgotten melodies,
compressing ivory keys
to sing of all that was lost
and what was gained
from the process.
An ode to words given form.
Pearson Bolt Dec 2016
existence is the dream from which we cannot wake,
the entropy that saps our strength,
the antipathy that stokes our hate.

existence is suffering.
this is the first truth
and also the last.

existence is a terminal illness:
i suffer, therefore i exist.
the beauty of life is that it ends.
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