For the longest time I
aspired to be that picture perfect image
Of the girls with hip bones and thigh gaps
From the covers of the magazines
I read when I was a kid

Because I was told that is “normal”
That is what girls are supposed to look like

But now i've come to the realisation that
I've spent so much time trying to look
like what was told to me as normal
That ive become oblivious
to my goal of standing out

Why should I spend so much time trying to conform
When I could create myself in to the person I truly want to be

People say I will go to hell
For touching him and loving her
But If hell is filled with what society deems sinners
Baby call me the devil

I wonder if there's love after life

If nights of music and manic love
Lives on after we die


Or if it all just stops
If our love discontinues
If our beautiful bodys
And empowered existences
Get swept away into oblivion

Last night You asked me why I am so afraid to lose you

I'm afraid to lose you because
You are the reason why
I am afraid to die

I was a porcelain puppet
You pulled my strings

So I had no choice but to
Obeyed your abusive commands

You controlled me

I had  become accustomed
to your twisted instructions

For so long That I was too afraid
To detach myself from
the strings you wrapped around me

You told me
I would be nothing without you

And for a while I was nothing without you
Because you broke me so badly
That no one else wanted me

Until the kind Girl with the
rosie cheeks and the golden heart
Taught me what love really is

It isn’t the control and strings
Its seeing that I am more than just a object
for others to take advantage of

I am kind, smart and beautiful
And I can survive without a puppeteer
I can thrive on my own.

I wish someone told me,

Love is not putting your  pleasure before my  protection
Love is not believing my body is your toy
Love is not being forced into anything I don't want to do

Because I lifted my shirt in an attempt to heal your broken mind
I silenced myself, my voice, my protests for your apology

Yet You held the gun to your  head
Made me believe I was the one
who made you feel as though you were better off dead

I'm still scared to look at my phone at night
Because of the chance the ringing is another suicide call

“Why did you break up with me,
You said you loved me,
If you hang up ill **** myself”

You were a disease
plagued by your own mind and  fixation
Tell my why did I have to be your victim!?

You call it “**** culture” I call it last night

We laughed
We touched
We kissed

I loved
You left  

I hurt
You thrived


We broke apart…

I broke apart
under the pressure of my own expectations