tingling fingers
turned into numb body,
turned into body collapsing on floor,
turned into no more control.

I'm utterly yours.

your silhouette,
still imprinted in the back of my head.
details as clear as the palm of my hand.
everything so clear,
yet so vague.

Because I can't remember
the color of your eyes,
yet I can still distinguish
your soft touch
when you push my hair behind my ear,
and plant kisses on my cheek.

If I focus hard enough
I can still feel your heart beat
as if our hearts were combined,
our souls intertwined

as if you were still mine.

You see for the longest time I was in misery,
Oblivious to my restrictions.
And for the longest time I didn’t realize that my impulse controlled my addiction.

I could no longer diminish the size of my issues,
So I turned my issues into tears,
and as they poured down onto tissues
I captured it all in a bottle
and threw it out to sea.

Hoping that whoever caught
the life I had relinquished,
could turn the horrifics into its terrifics,
my uncheaved dreams into victories,
my dismay into assurance.
and that my tears could make up the ocean
that would soon guide its way back to me.

And when I found you again
the emptiness within my soul
that had triggered my addiction
when I tested all my limits would be full again.

Because that’s what you do when you feel empty
you test your every limit,
looking a remedy to cure the pain,
a little something to take it all away
but you never realize
that little by little its taking you too.

because love is a sacrifice
not everyone is willing to make,
and my heart's in despair
while your trying to run away.

My heart thrives to be strong
but it’s simply just too hard.
It’s living a life of its own,
feeling as if its lonely in the dark.

No other soul to share its feelings with
so instead it sits and watches from a far.

It may feel lonely at times
but my heart’s pretty smart

it has a censor of its own
that goes past your disguise

as it watches from a far
it picks out all of your lies
tries to figure you out inside.

so next time you try to play me
remember that my heart
has seen and done it all
while it was thriving to be strong

I hope this smile on my face
doesn’t give you the illusion that everything
is okay.

It couldn’t be worse.

and what kills me the most
is that you don’t see me hurt.

and you believe that leaving
is gonna help me cope.

I thought I was over you
but your words come unspoken,
your reflections like anchors
dragging me down.
cuz in order to love you,
I had to stoop myself down to your level
and say hello to your world.
but truth is,
I'm in my own little world.
traveling at my own speed
witnessing other things.
No longer can I stoop down
and live in your world
when I have my own that I'm trying to unfold

Since the beginning I told myself you were the one,
I believed your every word
And you filled my every thought.

You captured my heart with such ease
Making it easier for me to believe that we were meant to be.

But eventually the bitter sweet turns into just bitter
And I realize that there is no meaning behind us
Just confliction
And all along we've been two lost souls who crossed paths when we made a wrong turn.
Meaning we were never really meant to meet,
Never meant to be.
So please allow me to walk away when I can still dream
And picture a smile on my face
After all this pain.