Stay awhile…
Share your smile
It’s been gone so long from your face...
Do I see you now basking in her loving embrace?

I see that sparkling dance in your eyes
Singing of love now and tomorrow
That is the sound track of your life
She is your future and I am your past

You want your love to last?
So please don’t delay
Run… to her fast
As she will fervently pray

You might still say...
Stay awhile …

Warning !
Not my words !
Saw it on a sign !
Crude Language !


Unfuck yourself
Be who you were before all that stuff
Happened that dimmed your ******* shine

So many of us can relate to this one way or the other

A Mother’s love never changes
No matter how life rearranges
While on earth
We must cherish its worth
When she is gone
Yes, life goes on
She just sends her love
From above
She is always with you
You need only look within
Her words, no longer heard
Are speaking to your soul
Completing the circle
Making it whole
The gap closed with her Mother
And her Mother before
It’s a legacy of love
We Mothers pass along
Listen…
You will hear it on the wind
In your children’s voices
In the deepest quiet
In the loudest riot
Crystal clear
Ever near
Listen...
You will hear
I love you
My dear
~~~
Mother

Wait... I can go no further

My "time" is no longer mine
My "heart" is no longer mine
My "mind" is no longer mine

The sun never rises in my lost world
There was a time and a place
Where I was whole and had a face
My existence was recognized

Once a real person…on the road to life
Now a person on the long road to hell
Lost between worlds time and space

Not in my "time"
Not in my "heart"
But in my "mind"

I can be free
It all starts with me

You left your mark on me
It is there for all to see

Most of all me…

It is in the smile on my face
The twinkle of my eye

The way we kiss
When we say goodbye

It is etched upon my heart
As I bask in your loving embrace

You were born too soon
I was a fixture in the Pediatric ICU
Being alone with no one to share my fears was unbearable
So, I prayed day and night for my baby daughter
But it wasn’t meant to be
When your precious breath no longer could be felt
I cradled you to my *****
Your eyes closed forever
I held you until the end
I swelled with fear
Would I ever find peace?
Yes…
Her life will mean something
Her eyes will see again
Her heart will beat again
Some child will be made whole
To save another mother the pain of losing a child
If only you knew.…you were so loved
Softly the words came to my heart

~I knew Mommy I knew~

When you want to know the why
And nobody knows the how
You are chained with pain
Suffering without an answer

A step in my head
Is like walking through a minefield

I never knew who you were
In that past, now a blur
It was not my concern, I concur
You have grown, of that I am sure

I want you just the way you are
In life experiences
You have come so far
But now I raise the bar

I want you for who you can be
The new man who married me
Demon and trouble free
Because now it is we

You need to see
You can’t change…
Who you were?
Who you are

But..

Who you can be?
Is now up to me
As long as you love me
Everyday
You will get a fresh start
A bigger place in my heart
You can only be
The one I love
Because
Of the way you love me

If I were your stars
Would you share the night?
Would you smile at me?
Or wink in delight?
If I fell from the sky
Would you scoop me up or
Send moon beams to show me the way?
If my stars forget how to shine
Would I live in the day?
And learn from the sun
You are my moon
I am your stars
Together we rule the night

He took me to a field for a picnic…so he said
To share his cup of bitterness when he snapped

No One heard but the wind
As I cried and begged for my life

No One felt but the earth
As he dragged my body to the ground

No One saw but the sky
As he choked the life out of me

No One knew I was there
No One knew of my pain

The wind stormed
The earth trembled
The sky wept

Lightning struck as he ran
As No One took revenge

If You Are Mine

I want to be the magic in your life
I want to be the best for you
I want you to sparkle
I want you to shine
You will
If
You
Are
Mine
I want to give you shades of color never seen before
I want to give you highlights of love so bright
That I am on your mind day and night
I want you to shine
You will
If
You
Are
Mine

I want to give you white hot passion, purity in forgiving
I want to give you a reason for living
I want to give you a love worth giving
I want you to shine
You will
If
You
Are
Mine

I want to give you friendship on fire
I want to give you a love so fine
I want to give you my desire
I want you to shine
You will
If
You
Are
Mine

I fall apart
Frozen in awe
Seeing the beauty as it hits
My arms parted to feel the whole of my being.
I am washed of pain and heartbreak
That I will never have again.
I stand free for all to behold
As this heart has been given
Another chance…

you thief
who stole my
simple dreams and
hopes
and dashed them
to pieces on the floor of our lives
while I watched
helpless in my efforts
to save them

you stole a piece of
my life and
ran away a
thief in the night
who kept looking over
his shoulder to see
if he’s been caught

the difference here
is this thief has
no profit
because we both
end up
empty handed

Pat for kjm
April 12, 1986

If I tell you my need
Will you make my heart plead?
Or…will you finally concede
In love we are freed
From our old ways
Sad days, fights and frays
I have to tell you the truth
To that I am bound
My love was once lost
Now it is found
Do we agree?

It’s the anniversary of her death
I am reminded of it every year
Not so much by the calendar
But by my internal clock of pain
You remember the place
You remember the time
Her look of final peace
Our mother
Our monster
We lived our lives in hell
For all of her drunken antics
We were the ones to feel the pain
She drank
…We suffered
As children we never understood her demons
Did she love us?
Why did she hurt us?
What did we do to make her act this way?
We were innocent
Frightened young souls
Doomed to grow up
Broken…
Shattered…
Pieces scattered throughout our lives
Never knowing how to be whole.
You would have been a hundred this year if you had lived
We have grown to forgive you
Finally finding our place in this world
On our own…
We made it to the other side
So
Farewell Isabelle
You did the best you could

Patty LeDuc
February 4, 2019
Scattered Thoughts 2019
(In memory of Isabelle Krumm)

He said…
Other guys go out to play cards
Other guys go out to the bars

I tried to say no
Without starting a fight

He wanted to feel like he could go anywhere
He said I was his ball and chain as he left


Finally the pieces fit the puzzle
It made sense

Now I understand
This series of unfortunate events

I didn’t know what else to do
All I know is…

Misery loves company
That’s why I left you

Broken people can’t help each other
They tear apart the love
Causing more damage
To the heart
To the soul
They end up broken together




Scattered Thoughts 2021
August 5, 2021
Pat LeDuc