Parker A Blackwood

Parker A Blackwood Dec 2015

Are We All Not Existing When We Should Be Living?

I do not know what to do anymore
I'm just existing in my life, not living it
What will happen to me if I keep doing this?
If I keep on this track, tomorrow will be two years passed

I have no chance
Of redeeming myself
So why even try
Why not just sink into the oblivion I am all too familiar with?

Into the abyss that is my mind
Slowly drifting further away from reality
And with it, hope
Then, once I sail off from this world mentally
I can physically

It is all a matter of time

#depression #sadness #death #alone #mind #insanity #loneliness #hopelessness

Parker A Blackwood Dec 2015

Untitled

How can one fully comprehend human emotion?
There is no way to detect whether we experience each affection the same
Or, in reality, if we perceive it in the same notion
Some feel more intensely; so they claim

But you can sight those people out of the crowd
The ones whose emotions are so far rooted, so in depth,
that they are filled with pain and are typically not loud
They sit in the shadows observing, all while trying to conserve their mind's breadth

#life #pain #alone #quiet #emotions #loneliness #humans

Parker A Blackwood Dec 2015

Everything I look at is its dark, hidden meaning.

"My body tells me no
But I won't quit 'cause I want more
'Cause I want more

Oh, it's my road, it's my road, it's my road
Oh, 'cause I want more, I want more, want more
Her eyes are open
Her eyes are open"

Lyrics from "My Body" by Young the Giant .
I have this mind set that I cannot rid myself of and I know I am doomed if I don't ask for help, but the truth is, I don't want help, I want the inevitable to happen now because it's better earlier than late.

#depression #life #darkness #hopelessness

Parker A Blackwood Dec 2015

Shots From The Past

As I run through these empty streets
My face hastily heats

There is the past to out run
Which has fired from a gun
A bullet piercing the air
And misses me by a hair

But it reels back
With another pac
And will never stop firing
Until it hears my last breath expiring

I just feel like the past is haunting me, and no matter where I go or how hard I try to escape it, it will not leave me be. It will destroy me in the end, I will destroy me in the end.

#depression #past #hopelessness

Parker A Blackwood Dec 2015

Voices of the Night

Right there, did you hear it?
The moan of all the sorrows of the world
Do you hear the cries of despair?
Help, help them, that's all they ask for
Saving, that is all they need
And oh, how I wish I could liberate them all
For I know their screams
I have seen their pain
Because it echoes in my own head every night

#depression #pain #sadness #night #insomnia #despair

Parker A Blackwood Dec 2015

I don't even know anymore.

I stopped taking the medicine because I want to return back to a place where I have the ability to take my life
Because even when I'm "doing fine"
I still would rather be dead

#depression #life #confusion #medication

Parker A Blackwood Dec 2015

The Eyes

I can never make eye contact 
You see the eyes are a portal to the soul  
And seeing someone’s soul can be freighting  
Especially when they don't want you to see it: 
The light 
The dark
The anger 
The happiness  
The sadness 
The life 
The death 
The longing 
The emptiness  
The truth 
I don't look into people's eyes  
Because their soul screams at me through those small apertures

As a child, and sometimes still now, I used to have a very difficult time looking someone in the eyes when speaking with them, and this is, I believe, the reason why.

#life #eyes #soul #emotions #understanding