Before
I** leave
Please know I
Only
Loved you when I
Absolutely knew
Reality was long gone

Don't believe
In much
Since you left
Or how to cry
Really it's just too
Difficult to
Even
Recognize your face

you tell me to jump
and call me stupid for hitting the ground
you tell me to swim
then push my head under the water
because the bubbles hide the screams
you tell me to speak
while you choke me breathless
you call me crazy because words don't come out
and i'm ugly as my skin turns purple
you tell me i'm pathetic
for "forgetting" how to breathe
and you can call me crazy for pretending it's okay
that the blood running from my nose
is simply stage makeup
and you're merely acting
but there are no curtains
and there's no one watching
cut my throat, slam the door
cry a little, come back for more
i'm not dead yet, but i am weak
and i'm just watching my skin
slip off my fragile, achy bones
*i was never crazy

what happens when it finally happens?
and days after
you're thinking "what could I have done?"
you could've come to me
asked me how I am
asked me how the rain falls
but I know you couldn't give a ****
so when the rain is falling
and you think of me
know that you've done nothing
and let that sink in
let the raindrops be a reminder
that i'm no longer real
just a dreary drop of water
falling from the sky
look up and watch the clouds roll on
and stop wondering why

**** you
you're a pawn
knocking down porcelain pieces
like you're a king
how dare you dance circles
around vulnerable hearts
let her go, let her breathe
i'm a selfish broken heart
but you're an ocean of heavy waves
i'm just merely drowning in you

i look up from the chess board
you sit opposite me, nervously
*check mate

ive come to terms with the fact
that a brilliant boy
can hide behind a nearly lifeless body
determined by white powdered bars
and a beautiful girl
can cloak her sadness
in an exhale of smoke and a few tabs

i do believe
it's hard to hide
when a black cloud
hangs over
his shiny blue eyes

and i do believe
she hears me
from underneath those cries
get out of there sweetheart,
it's like you're sun-bathing
inside a burning building

don't stop to smell the flowers
they're already dead

i'm a dizzy dreamer
with lightning bug eyes
floating around in dense air, bringing
foggy glasses and dewy lips
you tell me to pick my poison--
so my eyes fall onto where my heart is set
the corner of the room, a vile of red and pink
cyanide filled to the brim
laced with an exceptional dose of formaldehyde
I wonder if you tell her to pick
I wonder what she chooses
will it be the knife
does she take your gun
or will she drink your sins mixed into ***
you dug me a grave then pushed me in  
then wandered off with the shovel in hand
it doesn't matter how far I melt into the ground anymore

you're a liar
and i'm a malignant juror
how are you turning my shame
into a hungry beggar
nibbling at my heart
a decomposing mess of raindrops
in a sad, sad city i'll never forget

i refuse to let this bother me