I met a girl with flowers in her hair
not a crown or a clip, but cherry blossoms
they bloomed from her ears and her scalp and the hollow of her neck
she was a garden of eden

I met a girl with flowers in her hair
and roots that ran all the way down through her feet
they never held her in place
instead, they made the earth upon which she stood her home

I met a girl with flowers in her hair
who let summer sunbeams catch her eyes
as they glistened among ferny tendrils
until the autumn came

It was a hot and heavy summer night
when one of us got the brilliant idea
to go skinny dipping in the river

We all knew about the boy
who had been carried away by the current
in this same spot two years ago
but no one acknowledged the elephant
in the back of the pickup truck

With our parents' stolen *****
sitting in our stomachs,
we took to the dark waters
all laughter and bare skin

Teasing and splashing and smiling
we had the time of our lives
and not one of us noticed
that we were being pulled out to sea

I'm done trying to make myself beautiful
I'm bored with mascara, weighing down my eyelashes
gunking up my sight like a city sewer

I'm finished with lip gloss
a pop of shiny color on my wet mouth
pulling you in for a sticky kiss

I want to be ugly
to let my pores gape wide and let in the air
my skin breathing for the first time in years

I want to claw off my clothing
my fabric fittings sewn to slim me down
to tailor me into something worth loving

I want to be repulsively human
maybe all of this is because you said
how you always love the most disgusting things

You planted kisses
on me like flowers, and from them
a garden grew

I often wonder what I'm worth
and I think Ive got it figured out
I've factored in the current exchange rates
the value of my damaged parts

I am worth the quarters in your pocket
popped into a pinball machine on a saturday night
the arcade lights flashing like police sirens

I am worth a couple of your smiles,
of your lips and hands a few minutes at a time
you give me more
but I am a risky investment
you know how unstable the market is

I am worth about four hundred calories a day
anything more is theft

I am worth an extra blanket
but not turning up the heat
I am worth chamomile tea
without a spoonful of honey
I am worth keeping alive
but not truly living

So I total up the sum of my parts
and pin on a price tag as if it's my name
I am on clearance, perched on the buy-it-now final sale shelf
hoping that I'm not too expensive

When I was little, I stuck scissors into the electrical outlet
something I never would have had the urge to do if my parents hadn't told me it was dangerous
I was a rocket pop, always standing too close to the edge,
always carrying a matchbook in my pocket

I'm not the only one who flirts with death
Death is the quarterback, death is the prettiest ******* the cheerleading team
Death is popular at parties
And when someone seems so out of my reach like that, I tend to romanticize them

So I fantasized about pills that shone like pearls
I envisioned ribs sticking out from my skeletal frame, finally frail enough to ****** the object of my desires
I thought about razor blades scattered like flower petals on the bathroom floor
Etching memento moris into my skin
I dreamed of fenders and pavement rushing up to meet my lips for one last kiss

God, I had the biggest crush on death
But so did everyone else
And I saw them falling further in love as if they were tumbling from a skyscraper
This is not a love poem, this is a goodbye
Because I have instead become infatuated with beautiful things
I am a creator, so I must stop destroying myself

Dear death
I don't want to be just another girl who doesn't look when she crosses the street, hoping to meet you on the other side
I will be okay on my own, and I'll keep the scissors locked up in the craft cabinet

She has matchstick fingertips
and lighter fluid in her veins
Every time she touches me,
She leaves a trail of flames

She's a lantern in the dark
Brighter than every distant star
Not even a forest fire
could hold a candle to her

(and this is what I do to myself)