I can't

think
breathe
live
love

when it comes to you
it all must end
please let me go
My soul cant detach

I saw you today
You didn't seem different
Yet my mind has imaged and remembered you in a strange manner
You still were the same height as me
Same hair
And if I had been in front of you
I'm sure I would have seen that your eyes were the same
But I'v changed so much
Do you know that?
But then again you didn't see me

Sitting in a room filled with a thousand girls
All nervous and anxious to meet their new futures
Whats your name?
Whats your major?
Normal and only inquiry asked from hesitant lips
My surroundings are wavering and changing with every second
I am a numberless count
Enclosed by hundreds
Speak to me heart, and you'll have me
Diversity, love and values matching me to my new home
The need for belonging after years of rejection
I now pledge my heart to you
To love for devotion
My days are no longer just myriad and empty
Laughter mixed with loyalty binds me to you
You are not the sun that I orbit
But the moon that shines in my darkest hours
To accept an invitation among the stars is to join a constellation of illuminated descendants that watch over and protect

I am much too tired for life
drugs and alcohol make it easier
*******
I said I was sorry
I said that I'd always be there for you
But just not in the way you needed me
God why does everything have to be about ***?
I didn't know that I was a demon
******* the soul from your life
I never meant to hurt you
I want to be alone
Where I can hurt no one
And no one can hurt me
I wish I could have been smarter
I wish that I could have been stronger
God just please stop ignoring me
I'll always love you with all of my heart
It's been months but I forgive you
Can you do the same?
It's almost been a year now, and I still think of you
******* you ******* miss me
I'm so unstable

Its like watching the landscapes from a fast moving car
Unable to stop
to spot, or to focus
Why jump from a moving bus
when you can just wait for it to run out of gas
Because whats the point in waiting for the end

I waited for you
I waited for you to make a move
To show me that you wanted me to stay
But you didn't budge
You swore I would leave you
You reminded me everyday that I was a runner
That I was within fight or flight
"You won't stay anyway"
You told me
And after hearing that everyday
I knew I had to go
How could I stay with someone who never thought I could plant my feet
That I would never mean what I say
When I said I love you
We were born from lust and greed
Did you ever trust me
Did I ever trust you
Did you ever believe that I would stay
For you
That I could have been the one
The one who stayed for once
The one I fought for until the end
Of course not
Why would you.