I woke up to her silence screaming at my heart
It was a quick punch in the chest, lasting for minutes
Funny, that didn't hurt at all
I didn't stumble, looking for your last words
I didn't have to fight the whispers telling me to keep going
I have grown used to the pain I felt nothing at all
That particular night made me feel hollow
I've always believed it's better to feel something than nothing at all
It didn't bother me anymore
I tried remembering
Remember the first night you had a nightmare and told me it was you being happy with someone else
Remember walking down the street with no one beside you because I walked really slow
Remember going out and not feeling a tiny bit of happy inside
Remember how we fell apart, how we fell apart
Remember how my silence was your music, your lullaby
and how yours was an arrow stabbing me over and over
Remember how you fell asleep crying, asking me to never cross the line
Remember when you had a dream about being with someone else and didn't even flinch about it
Remember how I stayed up all night, on your bed side, trying to pick up all your broken pieces and putting them back together
Remember how I tried to put you back together, blood in my hands, for you to wake up whole again
Remember how I saw you whole, complete, again but I knew then it wasn't for me
Remember how desperately I tried to keep up with your busy life, whatever it took, I did
Remember how the words slipping out of your tongue were all out of routine, all the I love you's and the apologies
Even the silences were not genuine
Remember how all the butterflies went back to being just stupid caterpillars
Remember how you pushed me away and told me to leave you alone, I stood there out in the cold, waiting for you to take it back
Remember how you eventually fell in love with someone else and never told me about it
Remember how the flowers I gave you didn't look pretty on your table anymore, but somewhere hidden, maybe at the back of the closet
Remember all those times you kept me as a secret, I sat there in awe of how capable you are of killing me
Remember when I asked why, and you hesitated
Remember how I emptied myself for you just to make you feel like you have something inside
Remember how I poured myself, everything that I am, to you, but you still chose to be empty
**I still remember how you forgot.
7:31 PM, February 28, 2015