NitaAnn

NitaAnn Feb 2015

What Ifs

My life is full of questions
I don't have the answers
I don't know that I want to know.

What if he leaves?
What if we don't fix things?
What if I have to start over alone?
What if he doesn't stop?
What if I cannot make it?
What if this is the end?

Whose fault is this?
Mine?
His?
How do I fix it?
Can I fix it?
Should I fix it?

These are only a few of the questions
Racing through my head
I don't have the answers
And I don't know if I want them.

#lies #lost #questions #cheater #answers

NitaAnn Feb 2015

No Words

I do not have words
That will express
How I am feeling right now.*

Overwhelmed
Lost
Hurting
Exhausted

*These barely scratch
The surface of how I feel.

#abuse #lost #exhausted #si #hurting

NitaAnn Feb 2015

This Is Wrong

I have walked this road before
Familiar faces and things I see.

But wait...

Something has changed
Something is wrong.

What changed?
Is it me?

Things are twisted
This is wrong
I shouldn't be here.

Quickly I turn
I need to leave
The path is changing
Nothing looks the same
This is wrong
So very wrong.

I start to run
I feel hands grabbing me
Groping me as I try to push through
Crying, Sobbing

I am not going to make it
I don't know where to go
Nothing is the same
Nobody is friendly
I am lost.

#afraid #abuse #crying #lost #wrong

NitaAnn Feb 2015

Wandering

I have been in a fog
It surrounds me
I cannot seem to get out
Every way I turn
Is a dead end, wrong turn
Full of lies and broken trust
Confusion as I think I see a way out
Only to be once again be disappointed.

I thought I heard you call my name
I turn this way and that way
Looking, trying to see through the darkness
I  hear you but its so faint
I don't know how to find you
I  don't know how to escape.

Something or someone brushes my arm
I jump back afraid
His laughter haunts me
Still taunting me to find an escape.

I am so tired of this aimless wandering
Please come find me
I am going to just stop here
Hurry Hurry
Please find me before he does
If he finds me first
Punishment will be his sweet pleasure
Hurry Hurry
I am waiting
Scared and alone.

How will this night end
Will I be safe in your arms
Or tormented again in his?

#lonely #abuse #father #scared #wandering #punishment #survivor #tormented

NitaAnn Jan 2015

Broken Trust

I didn't see this coming
You know all my secrets
All my hurts.
You are now using
All of these to hurt me.
To prove that you are boss
That you are in charge.
My heart is breaking
I thought you were
My Prince Charming.
You have managed
To turn my life upside down.
I am so confused and hurt.
Why do you get to do wrong
Yet I am the one punished.

#trust #lies #abuse #confusion #hurting

NitaAnn Jan 2015

Parents

I wish I had parents
The ones who were kind and loving
The ones who cared for you when you were sick
Someone who loved me unconditionally
Would be there to encourage and guide

I am small and alone
Nobody cares
My "parents" use me for their pleasure
Nobody tends to my wounds
Nobody kisses me goodnight
Nobody holds me as I cry

Why
Why did you get loving parents
And I got ones who abused
What did I do wrong?

Pretty sure I am running a fever and slightly dehydrated been sick for awhile....just want a "mommy" or "daddy" to comfort me and love me.

#lonely #abuse #scared #sick #parents

NitaAnn Jan 2015

Unraveling

The threads of my life
Slowing being pulled apart
Unraveling
I do not know how to stop
The damage
Repair the holes
They continue to grow
These holes in my soul
Constant pulling
Unraveling
My clumsy attempts
At patches
Failing over and over
Can anybody help me?

#cutting #abuse #emotions #si #survivor #holes #unraveling