Five Fingers

Five Fingers Dec 2014

i was made to love
such was my programming.
but every system has flaws
and when my love catches fire
and blazes into the sky
pulling my heart out with it
i retreat
i get scared
how do i love again
when it has cost me so much
how do i deny my makings
when there is a glitch in the system
how do i fix myself
when the damage has been done by foreign hands
there are no instructions
at least not in a language i understand.
no one can help me
but
me.
but i dont trust myself anymore
and so i am stuck.
i try to be loving
i try to go back
but in trying i am hurting
because you dont deserve it
because i put myself at risk again anyway

so. *******. scared.

#love #trust #heart #pain #scared #lost #flaws #hands #thoughts #damage

Five Fingers Dec 2014

Untitled

you will never stop hurting me
but i will stop letting you.

eventually.

there is hardly any of me left for the anger to eat at. soon it will fester within my bones. out of sight. till holy light.

#love #friends #anger #hate #pain #leave #hurt #forget #suffering

Five Fingers Dec 2014

hey stranger

You appear
once
in front of my eyes
after so long
~
and appear
a thousand times
in my head

after you've gone

we were built in the MSN age. where that little jingle sent me running to the computer to the familiar greeting of "hey stranger" that i waited for day and night till you left my side for something better. Now the jingle is enough to make my heart ache, and the sight of you brings back memories i cant shake.

#love #first #pain #memories #lost #thoughts #strangers #heartache

Dec 2014

Ember Evanescent

Disposable

If "disposable" is one of the words that come to mind when you think of me, even if it's intermingled with "beautiful" and "lovely"
I don't need you in my life

Although that doesn't mean I won't still want you in it. I never really do what's best for myself

#igobyemotionsnotlogic

Five Fingers Dec 2014

self

In breaking my heart
you have forced me to learn
how to
live
without
you.

..

so let me live the way i choose
without you in my head
and hold on to the dignity i no longer feel
but can only wish
is still plastered over my face
as i walk by you

if i had my way i would avoid this forever. But in two weeks ill no longer have anywhere to run.

#love #broken #pain #lost #friendship #thoughts #wish #selfish