All the music
Sounded better
With her,
Now it's just
White noise
A silence
So loud,
It's difficult
To stir
Feelings
Deep within
My heart,
Like dry cement
Barely a tap
From the beat
What can I do,
To get my groove
Back again,
Tune my soul
Like a guitar
Back to when
Every emotion
Struck a chord,
Swayed by her love...

Just thought
I'd say hello,
My heart is blue
Missing you,
How long has it been
That your facade
I have not seen,
It feels like an eternity
But what is time
But an affinity
To measure,
A concept
We cannot grasp,
A sting
From a wasp
Could not entail
What in my soul
Is felt
A pain,
The distance
Between us,
I cannot quantify
Just like
My angst
I cannot
Satisfy,
Or quell
How much I miss you
No words can tell,
But I'm in hell...

Lost my identity
But there is no DMV
To line up at,
Re-issue nor renew
What's expired
The past is past
And now I'm a stranger
In an endless desert
The whole world
Cannot parch my angst
Tears that dry
And I cannot lie,
Not to myself
Now off the shelf
I'm on the curb
An unwanted refurb,
Home used to be
Wherever she
Would lay her head,
But now
I don't know how
I'll ever rest
In peace...

APAD 03212021

I keep hoping
Fantasizing
She'll come around
And ask me
Have you learned
Your lesson?
And I wouldn't be here
Countdown to misery
Down to less a son
Less a friend,
All by my own
On a road
Back to square one
Leaf in the wind,
My roots severed
Roads diverged
Down a path
The fork
I never washed
Dreams that shook
A shattered vase
Flowers wilted
Love that I thought
Stood the test of time...

APAD 03172021

Feeling numb
But also kind of dumb
Ate the last crumb,
I can't believe
I'd resort to this
Trying so hard
To reach some kind of bliss,
I miss that kiss
I'd rather forget
Her last diss,
So here I am
Drowning my sorrow
Until tomorrow,
When I may wake
To regret
Another day
Everything I did not say
Ate my feelings again
As I reminisce about
Now and then,
Take it all back
Would that I could
But maybe I loved her
More than
I should...

APAD 03162021

I wish that I
Could know,
If I'm on your mind
Like sunflowers
Follow the warmth
Across the sky,
I yearn
For you
Until the next
Rainshower
Comes along,
In a parched
Desert plain,
You are
The bluest
Moon among
The stars
That sparkle,
Thoughts that rise
Every time
You take a breath,
A mirage
On the horizon
You are
My oasis...

APAD2020 - 003

It's 3:03
In the morning
And all I can dream of
Is of the softness
Of your body,
The curvature
Of the earth
The equators
The hemispheres
Have nothing
Against the geography
Of your skin,
I traverse the deserts
The jungles
Of your southern regions
In my mind
A safari
Of exquisite
Smells and taste,
The bazaar of you
A map of treasures
That I endeavor
To hunt in
But for an elixir
To calm my soul,
I miss
The eureka
The euphoria
Infinite wonders
Of you...

APAD2020 - 002

I awake
Expecting you there,
I lie awake
The scent of you
Lingers in the air,
Like a crow in my mind
A squawk of thoughts
That rewind and replay
Every single detail,
Every inch
That I've traversed
Where every fiber met
My fingers
A phantom touch
Like memory foam
Of my skin,
The contact ebbs
The flow of your body
Almost etched
Into my very soul,
Oh how can I sleep
Where an angel has been...

APAD2020 - 001

Sometimes it all takes me back
To the 1st times
When it all began,
The originals
Steady and true
Never thought it could change
That it would
Go any other way
But here we are
Another day
Another direction
I feel like I'm an astronaut
I couldn't be further
From you
As we almost graze
Each other
Mere millimeters,
And it stokes
The fires
Raging within
What wouldn't I
Set ablaze
To be warmed
Into you,
Meld and entwine
And unite
But we always
Untie
Even more,
This backwards love
That leads me
Still here
Ever for
Loving
Unto you...

-okpoet

Can't remember
The last time
Anyone inquired
How am I?
The days have blended
A smooth seamless
Desert of time,
Endless grains
Of minutes
Stacked high
As far as anyone can see,
It just dawned on me
How parched I am,
But not for water
Just a small oasis
Of me, for me,
For I am without
A sense of self
Where am I going?
Where have I been?
I wish to soar
But I'm sunk
Have to dig
Myself out,
Before I forget
Again...

-okpoet

Some say
They love
With all their heart,
But the brain
Is what thinks
Those thoughts,
The mouth talks
And kisses,
The hands touch
And caress,
The nose itches
And smells,
The eyes see
And take in the view,
The ears wax poetic
And listen,
The body moves
And bends at will,
All the senses
Share in what the mind wants,
And so I say
I love you
With my whole being,
Every fiber and atom
Of this universe
That flows
Through me
Simply
In adoration
Of you...

-okpoet

I don't want to run out of love
But you drain me and I can't come back
The same
Everyday a little less brighter
I'm a fighter
But I don't know
What I'm fighting for
Anymore
I sleep empty
Every meal I'm less full
I still wake hungry
But I find no satiety,
You didn't ask me
What I'd do for you
But I've done everything I can
And yet you've made me doubt
That the best I could do
Wasn't good enough
And though I try
To not give up,
I feel I can't keep going
Mr Tik-Tok,
But no Dorothy
To wind me up again...

I've disconnected
Put another dollar in
Because I'm going to keep going
Though it's all wifi
Remote login
Not all in
Drone fighter
Roll pitch and yaw
Death wobble mid flight
To your heart
Down and out
In the darkness
Morse that no one sees
Can't read the code
Between squiggly lines
Overlapping the message
With no return address
And overdue postage
Undeliverable,
Christmas letters
Without an answer
To wishes no longer needed...

My cookie crumbles
No heart or ice cream
Can cure
My emotions
Melting
Pooled around
Her thoughts
Shattered bits
Like rotten teeth
Falling out of me
Can't put them back in without
Blood and sinew
Ever straight again,
Gnawing dreams
Turned flailing hopes
That pray for solvency
In the midst of storms
That rain
On all parades
Gay or narrow
Straight to the core,
A nougat of fraught angst...

Pop pop pop
Corn
Buttery smooth
Oiled up
Bounce bounce bounce
ING direct
In my face
Book
Her on charges
Reckless
More than I thought
Weaving and dodging
On the shoulder
Whispers
From the back
Of my mind,
Peanut gallery
Tug of war
Decisive indecisions
That will haunt
My nightmares
Growing molded regrets...

My love is still analog
Like paper maché science projects
Wet ink on letters
Postage stamps
Typewriters,
No text messages
Emojis without emotion
These digital expressions
That lack the depths
Mariana
I'm entrenched
In this barricade
Heart with a crown
Blood soaked tears
Paint brushed art
On the walls
As every beautiful thing
Does not make you feel
What museums cannot
Showcase,
The passion of ages
At dialup speeds
Lingering static...

I don't know karate
But I'm choppin' ham
Into itty bitty pieces *****
So much sodium
Making dead bodies twitch
Dance to the pandemonium
Pizza in the toaster
Why you always hatin'
You don't even use a coaster
All that cheese ain't even permeatin'
If I'm gonna give chase
Gonna need red bull by the case,
Outta breath
But not out of bread,
Caesar dressing
Soda can pressing
Coat drumettes in blue cheese
Leave crumbs at their knees,
This meal is too rich like valet
But I got that entrance fee
Call it a Warren Buffet
Mmm mmm gawd ****...

Esta foto
Como me cae,
Cuetes al aire
Explosión tras explosión
Reventón tras reventón,
Mira hacia el cielo
Nubes de Hiroshima
Obliterando qué?
Las aspiraciónes
Llueve inspiración
Belleza como cual?
Ninguna comparación,
Un amanecer
Un atardecer
Vida de una flor
Enbotellada en una figura
Como una galaxia cósmica
En el lente de un telescopio
Se me escapa suspiro tras suspiro,
Anhelo por vivir
Simplemente porque
Existes tú...


This image
How it strikes me,
Rockets to the sky
Explosion after explosion
Shock wave after shock wave
Look to the heavens
Clouds like Hiroshima
Obliterating what?
The aspirations
It rains inspiration
Beauty like no other?
No comparison,
A break of dawn
A sunset,
Life of a flower
Bottled in a figure
Like a cosmic galaxy
In the lens of a telescope
Sigh after sigh escapes me,
I thirst to live
Simply because
You exist...

Promises are nothing
But lies
That haven't come true,
But with you
Promises are nothing
But what ifs
That became the truth,
Without you
I do not notice the stars,
But with you
They twinkle just a little brighter
And the mystery is there
In every little thing
Because of you,
Haven't held your hand
But you have my heart,
And I'll stand by you
Even if you walk faster
And I trail
Ever loyal,
Doubts settle
To the bottom
Of my mind,
If you at least smile
Every once
In a clear starlit night...

APAD17 - 002

Veni vidi
And she
Conquered me,
What plans I wrought
Like Vesuvius
Dissolved the land,
Entombed the people,
And ashes will still rain
A reminder,
Can I
No longer forge ahead
Without her?
A master planner,
What others seek
Have I found?
Though unlike dreams
That fade
As the sun rises
She is brighter than,
And maybe
Even if
There is no empire
Vici,
She is my world
And I am
A constant satellite...

APAD17 - 001

She's looking
For her Cali King
The one to endure
To hold her
In comfort
To support her
Meet every need,
The one to lean on
To stand by her
And grow
Through the hard times,
And the good
The thick
And thin,
By her side
Through
The sweet
And bitter
Sturdy
And dependable
No matter
What the spill
Each and every
Tear and thrill
Always and forever
Till either is laid
To rest,
Maybe she'll just settle
For a couple pillows
And this mattress...

APAD16 - 024 © okpoet

I didn't say
Goodbye
The best way
I knew how,
I said it
With my heart
Stuck in my throat
And tears
In my eyes
Reigned back
Like many angry horses
Held at bay,
I drove home
In silence,
Feeling waves
Of emotion
Reverberating
In the sobs
That I could not muffle,
On my couch
I curled up
Into a ball
And slept,
How would I
Wake to a cloudy day
When I expect her
To shine through,
Like she has every day before?
But she's gone,
And my storm begins...

APAD16 - 023 © okpoet

Restless
She paces
Lioness in a cage,
But there are no locks
No doors
No prods or anything to hold her
It's all dreams
Whips of desires
Chains of need
For a change of scenery
The feral tempest calls
From within her
The soul seeks
And her mind yearns,
Wide plains
As far
As her heart can see,
To run amongst
To leap free,
What no hunter
Can understand,
Love her but leave her wild...

APAD16 - 022 © okpoet

Here I am
Hurting
More than hurt,
I reached out
Cracked
The pistacho shell
I hid in,
Thought it better
That I do
Something
Bigger than myself,
But here
I stand
Faltering
Nothing to lean on,
This unbalanced
Teeter totter
The only
Weeble wobble
That could be
Toppled,
I can't pretend
I am not vulnerable
And yet I endure...

APAD16 - 021 © okpoet

She brushes
Up against me
But I am not the canvas
She seeks,
The colors I bleed
She cares not for,
If I carefully hang myself
She will not notice
The light that breaks
Upon my surface
Will not illuminate her face,
She has but a few strokes
And those she reserves
For the likes of him,
Priceless art
In the exhibit halls
Of her mind,
Spotlight
She guides
Her thoughts
Through his texture
Retrace every layer
That came before me,
I will sit empty
On this easel forgotten,
Unfinished masterpiece...

APAD16 - 020 © okpoet

Everything
Matters
A bit more
Because we're in this
Together,
A barren field of *****
I had none a ton
Before you came,
But don't look now
It's overgrown
Cultivated with care
And it hurts
How much
Brighter
Warmer
Alive,
The world around me
Seems through you,
Stars gaze at me
Am I smiling harder
Wider than I can contain
See what you've done?

APAD16 - 019 © okpoet

You tip toe
I'm a steel toe steppin' hard
Gonna crush your piggies
You'll not limp far
I'll get the pickle jar
Preserve this moment
Turn in your rep card
Membership revoked
Just another Joe
Go play with those *******
You're a weak man
Basic for *******
Slave to the substances
Abuse the gifts
Treasure the highs
Get off your lows
Blow smoke
Up hoes
Rake in those pennies,
Get to work
Maybe then
You'll collect
And you'll
Fare well...

APAD16 - 018 © okpoet

I can't hold you
Like I really want to,
Hold you
Where my hands
Could leave imprints
That will not be easy to forget,
I can't caress you
Like I really want to,
Trace every inch of you
A map that leads
To the stars in your eyes,
I can't love you
Like I really want to,
Ardently consume you
A feverish attempt
To absorb you,
But for a moment
Intensely rage
Against the night sky
Feel your soul
Bubble beneath your skin
Peel like a sunburn,
But I can make do
Just being next to you...

APAD16 - 017 © okpoet

Imagine when it's years
You lost count of the tears,
Next to her
Time stood still,
But when she left
It was theft after theft,
Time escaping
Between the moments
You try to remember
And the memories
You cannot forget,
How you lost yourself
And now you're trying again
To find the you that was
Whole before she
Came in
Like that wrecking ball,
You know
You're never going to be done
Putting yourself back together,
Find pieces
Under places
You don't want to look,
Afraid you'll still find her...

APAD16 016 © okpoet

She begs
And he delivers
Mutual destruction
Tearing them together
They know not
What ails them,
They utter love
But this carnage
That leaves them
Breathless panting
Made dogs
Is beyond
Their understanding,
Lying to themselves
That either one
Is the Master
Of their domain,
Ashes and cinders
They shed
Their feet trailing
Their hearts molten,
There will be nothing left
But bones on a bed
No one standing...

APAD16 015 © okpoet

Press your lips
Against
My stained glass heart,
Leave an imprint
That I can see
When the sun shines in,
Look in
On all the shrines
The empty pews
Where I
No longer worship
The false deities,
Unlike you
Whom I pray for
In earnest
What sins
I wouldn't commit
But for your devotion,
Shatter my soul
And let all the pieces
Of me
Reflect you...

APAD16 014 © okpoet

Take pieces of me
With you
To go,
But don't leave me
In the fridge
Forgotten
Left there
To rotten,
I'm oh so fresh
From the crisper
And deserve to be
On your lips,
Who cares
If I'll be
An eternity
On your hips,
I'm a treat
Not a threat,
Take as much
As you want,
As you need
But take heed
When I whisper,
Give in and live a little...

APAD16 013 © okpoet

Now I feel
A different kind
Of hunger,
How I yearn
How I dream
A want
A need,
Deeper than I can sink
Larger than I can grasp
A fervor that is effervescent
For her,
Does it mean anything
Doesn't mean a thing,
No harder decision
To hunt
Or abandon,
Give in to instinct
Or fight intuition
This sentiment
In the core of me
Consumes me,
As I would
If I could
Devour her...

APAD16 012 © okpoet

She can't
Makeup her mind
Like she does
Her face,
Blush and rouge
She knows
But the real choices
Elude her,
No foundation
Can hide
What's behind
Her eyes,
The incoherence
Jumbled up
An attic
Forgotten,
She trips
But none can see
As she walks
Defiantly graceful,
Where she'll go
Not a syllable
From her lips
Will divulge,
But her hips
Will surely sway you there...

APAD16 - 011 © okpoet

She looks good
In my peripherals
For reals,
She likes to wear Prada
But she can rock nada,
That's her best designer
None finer
So imagine when
I look at her
Head on
It's like an oncoming semi
I'm crushed
A little weak in the knees
Her beauty
An onslaught
A myriad
Of unbelievable,
It can't just be me
I see the ocean of eyes
Locked on her,
Fortunate am I
If she only sees me
I'm but a peasant
To her my queen...

APAD16 - 010 © okpoet

I like to pretend
That I'm in control
Of all the strings and strands
Sometimes clips and rubber bands,
How they pull
And where they lead,
Where can I cut
Where do I add a knot,
100 miles per hour says the speedometer
And I'm pushing
Thinking that I will
Steer clear
Of a sudden wall
Or will I ram?
Which is easier
If I'm clearly
Not the pilot
Of my life,
What is this
A false sense of?
Do I lie
To make myself believe,
Or do find truth
In the mirage?

APAD16 - 009 © okpoet

I'm not going
To sit here and lie
That like apple pie
Gone from a window sill
I missed you,
Like all those socks
The minutes that escape
From all the clocks
How I feared
You wouldn't return,
What time could ****
Without our knowing
What we couldn't do
What we couldn't shape,
What I wouldn't endure
For a tenure
Next to you,
Night comes
But once a day
But you,
You are
My blue moon...

APAD16 - 008 © okpoet

I won't ever leave,
Not because
I have nowhere to go,
But because
Next to you
Is where I truly want to be,
You are
The other side
The just right,
******' perfect
The just one reason,
You are
The lemons
And chips,
Right side up
My good side,
All the hell and darkness
Gritty skies
And the bitter cold;
My insanity and distress
Is the absence
Of you...

APAD16 - 007 © okpoet

Overthink
Overthought
What am I
To get over?
She is the real Durden
Everything that I am not
But an apple turnover,
Spickle and spackle
Listen to the crinkle
And the crackle,
What plays the mind
If the records
No longer spin,
Retreat retreat retreat
On repeat
No baffle
To this wiffle
Waffles in the AM,
Pockets empty
There is nothing to collect
Unemployed dreams
I question the sparkle,
The sweet of the sprinkles
This life long ago wrecked...

APAD16 - 006 © okpoet

Drowning
But can't
Won't
Fight the current,
Let myself sink
To the bottom,
Hold my breath
Until I either surrender
Or come up,
But I won't give up
And I can't figure out why,
What's the prize?
High price
To pay,
For the light of day
To shine,
Breath in
Can't stop
To choke,
Laugh hard
Even if I don't know
What is the joke,
There is no reward
For this pain...

APAD16 - 005 © okpoet

He comes
Under the stealth of night
Dark as darkness
In the absence of light,
As she dons
Nothing
The beast within
Unveils herself,
A want
Not unlike a thirst
Is it soul against soul
Or a moth burning
To her light?
What does he take
If she has but one thing to give,
Is this what
Is this all
That we come for,
On all fours
Bare all
Can't take nothing back
Is there any depth
To the smile
As her heart beckons?

APAD16 - 004 © okpoet

I engineered
And I constructed
Towers majestic
Rising above all
The clouds shrouded
Like steps to the heavens,
And on the highest
Of pedestals
I placed her,
Thought her a queen
But that crown
Was not golden,
Oh how she has fallen
Bruised and broken
A landing that shook
All the foundations,
But I can rebuild
Quickly I can cobble together
A wall to hold and hide within
The truth that has been revealed,
No one the wiser
Least of all her,
Shambles and ruins
Cloak her as she shivers
A cold she cannot shake,
Where she aimed
I do not know,
A moving bulls eye
Perhaps,
I'll still kneel before her...

APAD16 - 003 © okpoet

She spreads
And he butters
If he can't keep it up
As long as she is down
It's all gonna end
In burnt toast,
Her better side
On the floor
He'll get the door
I'll get the dough
But what does she knead
If I am the **** on a crescent roll,
Maybe
It's all baloney
I've got to go H.A.M
Cold turkey
Like she cuts carbs,
Temperature is rising
I'm crisp
Out the Oven
And into the fire,
I just cannot
Believe it
Is not margarine
Thin layers of fakery
Who's running this bakery?
Everything has come
A long way in the baking,
Is it melting or burning?
Don't know
Until you slice,
Take a bite
It'll be alright...

APAD16 - 002 © okpoet

Never a surer grasp
With her it's all flow,
No pistol whippin'
Just steering wheel grippin'
Flying high
Looking at the world below,
Even if the end is nigh
Always say hello
Loosen the clasp
On time,
Though my path
Is straight and true
I'd deviate
From discourse
Just for you,
No reason or rhyme
Or logical math,
Where we gravitate
There's no need for roads
Just bring your own source
Of happiness to the plate,
At the door leave the hate
Come on in the ambiance is fine
Don't mind the hearts on the clothes line...

APAD16 - 001 © okpoet

I went blind
At the sight of you
I couldn't believe anything else I saw,
I went crazy
At the thought of you
I never wanted to be sane again,
I bowled with the moon
Alongside of you
Straight down the lanes
With you
It was par every time,
Strike after strike
All the fires lit
Could never be put out
As long as you were around,
I will never see
I will never think
I will never live
The same,
Without you...

APAD15 - 020 © okpoet

I wished
That we were like waves
Not knowing
Where you ended
And I began,
That we were melded
Like clouds
And cotton candy,
Woven together
Easy to separate
But just as easy
To mesh as a whole,
A little bit of you
In me,
A little bit of me
In you,
We can be as one
Without the other,
But we're so much better
Together...

APAD15 - 019 © okpoet

The tiny angel sleeps,
Wings carefully folded
Beneath the sheets
Dreaming whatever it is
That tiny souls do,
A minuscule piece of heaven
In peaceful slumber,
Soon the day will break
And laughter will ring
From this blessing
A hundred thousand choices
Came together
To make possible
Such existence,
A diminutive smile
That expands
A million times
Brighter than the stars,
A minutiae example
Of joy manifested...

APAD15 - 018 © okpoet

Her beauty
Is spilt
Across a canvas
Of hurt,
She wears pain
Like blush
Sometimes heavy
And it smears
Through the tears
A pitter patter
Of suffering,
No one understands
Yet they're all beneath her,
A shooting star
Streaking across
Their otherwise plain sky
Her soul ablaze
Everyone wishes,
As the darkness surrenders
To her fiery light...

APAD15 - 017 © okpoet

She looks
In all the mirrors
For the best side of her
She twirls
And asks
With longing eyes
The question
One always asks
Of their reflection,
And no answer
Is ever good enough,
Maybe if she were blind
She could finally see
The true side of her
That the world
Should really see,
The side that shines out
The brightness
Like a lighthouse,
From her soul...

APAD15 - 016 © okpoet

Everywhere she goes
There I want to be,
Nowhere at all
Is where I would be
If she had never
Crossed my path,
When she arrives
I know where I am,
When she leaves
I wander,
Not lost
But not waiting to be found,
Until she's near once again
Metal to her magnetic,
I'm coming along
For a ride,
Everywhere is an open road
With the breeze in our hair
And all smiles without a care,
Doesn't matter where is here nor there...

APAD15 - 015 © okpoet