Her blood flows
In bloom rosy
A plume of bright color
Against her fair skin,
She savors the pain
Alert she feels alive
For the duration
Of this ****** spectacle
Crimson tides
Undulating on a white beach
She's entranced
Amused at her own treachery,
Sinking further
Into the show,
A fiery spill
On snow,
Not fun
For her,
But spectators
Offer no words...

APAD15 - 014 © okpoet

I eat my heart out
The weight on my shoulders
Now lies in my gut,
I'm consumed
In the consummation
Of what consumes me,
Thick skin
Getting thicker,
What better way
To build my defenses,
They won't be able to break in
Any longer,
They'll chide
And I'll take another bite,
They'll point
And I'll have another sip,
Who's eating who?
Weight off my shoulders
And into my soul,
It's all starting to taste the same...

APAD15 - 013 © okpoet

She bled tears
And cried blood
A cold mixture
Of fears
Like black mud,
Her sad face
A fixture
In my mind
That I could not remove
Without a trace,
And in its spot
Left nothing but unkind
Thoughts and a
Fading will to move
Beyond and afar
My comfort zone at play
On this big blue dot,
She haunts me
Like a distant star
As I look out over the sea...

APAD15 - 012 © okpoet

Her eyes
Say more
Than her lips
Ever could,
Deeply she loves
And just as thirsty
She drinks
In to quench
That which she lacks
And yearns for
When silence falls
Upon her shoulders
And she wishes
A surrender of love
Even if brief,
But for a moment
So she can cherish it
Forever even after
The reciprocation
Has left her...

APAD15 - 011 © okpoet

They'll ask
Of me,
Where is she?
Your significant otter,
And I'll answer
I know not
What's become of her
Like a balloon lost
I did not hold on tight,
And we'll look to the sky
As if there
And sudden
She'll appear,
She'll come back
They say,
And I'll agree
Somewhat
Half & halfheartedly,
Hoping upon hope
Behind my forlorn smile...

APAD15 - 010 © okpoet

Parting curtains
I look out upon the world
Outside and foreign
Though familiar
After years,
It's always grey
Or gray
To me,
As I gather myself
To walk out the door,
I'm smiling
Because you're out there
I know,
And I'll see you
The only color
In all the black and white,
And maybe together
We'll paint
The earth
Bright...

APAD15 - 009 © okpoet

Upon your smile
I came running
Wanting to get closer
And closer
And soon I did
As close as I could get
So near
I ended up
On the other side
Of you,
I wanted to be
Creamer
To your coffee,
But I was more oil
To your water,
And so I float
Like clouds
Across the land,
I see you
And I fall upon you
Gladly,
Into your gutters....

APAD15 - 008 © okpoet

I used to
Feel the rush
As you'd arrive
Like the ocean
At my feet,
In anticipation
I'd run away
Before I could
Get drenched,
Even without
An embrace
I'd feel you
As if you were
All around me,
A comfortable
Envelopment
Like the warmth
Of the sun,
But now I miss
The sand
Between my toes
Even more...

APAD15 - 007 © okpoet

Happy I hang
Onto smiles
Plastered hastily
Stucco of laughter
Cemented persona
To the cracked world,
On the sidewalk I tread
Everyone zips by
And I dread
When the night
And the quiet
Comes around,
A cold blanket
Of solitude,
Wet with my thoughts
Through tears I drown,
Am I real
As this pain
Coursing through
All my being?

APAD15 - 006 © okpoet

Square one
We're back,
Lost track
Full circle,
Like everything
That goes up
Must come down,
This clown
Is going to cry again,
High like a hot air balloon
And just as deflated
The ego that rose
Thorns punctured
Let it all out,
Ground rush
Break in the fall
Cold leaves
And in comes the pain,
I've done it again
Didn't learn now
Nor then,
Committed to the cake...

APAD15 - 005 © okpoet

She carefully steals
The pieces of me
That matter the most,
Soon I won't know
What's become of my soul,
Given what I could
Nothing left for myself,
I'm not getting change back
She takes it to the cleaners
And I'm looking back
Where I tripped
How hard I fell
Without a thought
Not a care,
But that is neither
Here nor there
Cannot cry
Over all that's spilt,
Just need to see if I can
Pick up all the chips again...

APAD15 - 004 © okpoet

Yeah, you laugh now
But what about
When the joke is over?
What will a smile
Cost me?
I have not
A pence to my name
And this game
Is far from over
But I am sidelined
Wanting to play
Another round,
But it’s all spent
The momentum
Has left the court
And this jester
Jests no more
A fool
Without an audience
Claps no more…

APAD15 - 003 © okpoet

It tears at me,
Are you scissors?
Cut cut cutting away
Are you done yet?
Snip snip snip
You've left me in shreds
Rake me into a corner
Let the wind take the rest,
I hurt no longer
Swept aside,
Are you happy?
Doubts that crumbled
With me under
A rug,
Pulled from beneath
I tumble,
Nothing within reach
To stall
My fall,
From your grace…

APAD15 - 002 © okpoet

No, I won't back out now
At the edge of a precipice,
Between a hard place
And a harder rock
Piercing into my gut,
I want to spill
But I can't rewind
This tape
Not now,
Because I know
Deep down inside,
That I would do it
All over again,
And again,
Even if I knew then
What I know now,
For that smile
I'd never hesitate
No matter how much
My mind hates my heart,
I had already jumped from the start
And there is no changing course
I can only brace myself
For that bittersweet pain...

APAD15 - 001 © okpoet

If I were a dog
I'd curl up next to her,
Oh that I wish
She'd stroke my hair
And hold me
Like she needed me,
When the air is cold outside
I seek the warmth
But she's far from me,
More chilled is her touch
No mere freezer burn
And I'm left yearning,
When will I close the gap
The chasm between us?
What wouldn't I do
But I won't
No surrender,
Every sunrise full of hope
And every night
A close I wish would be the last
A glimmer of want
In a word,
And I'll try
Try again...

APAD14 - 010 © okpoet

Been awhile
Since I've cracked
A smile
This wide,
I always lacked
On the inside
A flame,
And I'll never be
The same
After her,
Nor she
Will ever again
Waltz alone
Wear me like fur
Round her neck
Warm to the bone
Always at her beck
And call
Till death
And even then
She'll never fall,
For every breath
I take;
It's just for her sake...

APAD14 - 009 © okpoet

I want to hit it
And never quit
I'd follow her through the mall
Be it winter spring
Summer or Fall
That's the thing
About her
If I were a cat
She'd make me purr
She's all that
And more,
Evermore will I soar
With her under my wings
My soul just sings and sings
Always glad
For all that had
To happen
For our paths to cross
But never at a loss
For words will I ever be
For she is my sea to shining sea
My own happy, the end...

APAD14 - 008  © okpoet

It's there
That familiar shape
At my fingertips
That unforgettable taste
Between my lips,
A longing
Finally appeased
But then replaced
By a new yearning,
Every breath
Unfiltered love
Deeply inhaled
Softly expelled,
The cool air
And the warmth clashing
Like snow and fur
Time and space watching
I trace every surface
Lik a friend
That never stays long,
But oh how
Her presence lingers
In all the corners
Felt but unseen,
An enchanting spell
Clutched to my heart unbroken...

APAD14 - 007 © okpoet

I want
*** and champagne
Love and all its pain,
Under moonlight
And past the sun's brow
Night and day
Through rain and blue
I want
All that is you,
Lava flows
And fires burn
As does the fiery orb
In the sky,
But nigh;
None are ablaze
Like the yearning within
My soul,
What scorched earth
Would bare rock
Like that of my beating heart
For but a gaze
From your eyes,
For but the graze
Of your skin,
Electrostatic ignition
Between my fingertips
And your luscious curving plains,
Like lighting strikes
And storms thunder
In the space separating,
The void that keeps
This earnest frothing
Churning need alive
Another day...

APAD14 - 006 © okpoet

She waves
And not a hand
Has she raised,
With golden trestles
Spiraling down
Rapunzel's staircase
To the heavens,
Her sparkling smile
A sun breaking
Through the sky,
An entanglement of beauty
In every flicker of her eyes,
Goldilocks's perfection
In a vessel of curves,
Divine; sublime
Supple; sweetly
Dripping smoldering
Sensual alchemy,
She scorches
With a touch,
She sizzles
With a breath,
And with her gaze
To ashes you will burn...

APAD14 - 005 © okpoet

Never thought I could
Or imagined I would,
Be so vulnerable
Or so exposed,
To one such as you
That could break me,
I was unbreachable
An island,
But no man is
Unto himself isolated,
From the wills of his heart
Or the whim of his soul,
And the mind knows
It's a trap,
It sure as hell knows
There may be no coming back,
But it follows through
It's never blind,
It just gives in
Hoping against
All it's rationale,
That it's going to be worth it
That it's going to be okay,
And I still do
Think that it'll all end
With you,
Like the shore
Ends at the ocean,
Big and blue
Safe and sure...

APAD14 - 004 © okpoet

Be my heart
When mine
Beats no more,
Be my lungs
When mine
Rise no more,
Be my blood
When mine
Flows no more,
Be my mind
When mine
Ponders no more,
Be my soul
When mine
Soars no more,
Be me
When I am
No more,
When I yearn
As the desert does,
When I reminisce
As wanderers do,
Come to me
And be
As one
With me,
To watch
As I see,
To listen
As I hear,
To feel
As I touch,
And love
As I adore,
Life with you
Evermore...

APAD14 - 003 © okpoet

Will you
Seep into my nightmares
Like the sun
Breaking through clouds;
And embrace me
Like the shadow
Of the dark side of the moon?
A beacon in the mist
Shining through the haze,
Under cover
Of every night
A ghost of light
Forever making the darkness
Not so true a fiend
I thought I could hide behind
Like a curtain
Before the show
Unveiling demons
In the shade,
Restless in their endeavor
As I drag my pain
A love for misery
Because you only linger
Under a black sky
Never rising with the day
To start again...

APAD14 - 002 © okpoet

Where to find the words?
When all the wells
Have run dry,
My inspiration
No longer
Blooming
Out of the dark corners
Of my addled mind,
The fountains
That yielded
All my sentiments,
Have translated
Into muted syllables
That no longer flow,
As if my need
Has been quelled,
Yet I am more parched
Than desert dunes,
Cold barren wastelands;
And there is no mirage
To even hold me over
Until the next rainfall...

APAD14 - 001 © okpoet

She has resurrected;
My beautiful Lazarus,
From the depths of time
From the heights of the heavens,
The stars that shower over
Like snowflakes in the winter
A white blanket
With the warmth of a hearth's fire,
Twinkle and sparkle
A serenade of light;
And this is just
From the dazzle in her eyes,
A smile
Like Spring's first glow,
And a radiance
Like a sunrise
Melding with the ocean's horizon,
And hills
That curve
Sweeter than hairpin turns,
This is her
Perennial shooting star...

APAD13 - 152 © okpoet

I'm bleeding
On the outside
While scarring
On the inside,
Calloused heart
Like the hands of a farmer
No longer
Finding blisters
From the need,
Every encounter
That left me
Nursing wounds
A defenseless soul
In a harsh urban world,
Trying to love
Without blowback,
But a back draft
Always waited
Behind doors
That burned
With desires
On short fuses,
A shower of sparks;
Short lived fireworks
Of temporary emotions,
To which I could only relate to
In words,
Words that couldn't hold their own
Against the fires
Of the ******
Lonely spirits
In this crowded world...

APAD13 - 151 © okpoet

I'm seeing rainbows
And pots of gold
Before me,
A myriad of illusions
Carefully unfolding
Like Oz before the land
Unbelieving
Unconvinced;
The magic
Lost in translation,
A sun shining
Even in an overcast day;
Happiness not so distant
After eons of pain,
Does my sight betray me?
That I can not trust myself
To embrace the joy due me?
Have I shed enough sorrow
That I now can only laugh?
The promise
Of a bright tomorrow
Finally beckons;
And I'm inclined
To accept...

APAD13 - 150 © okpoet

I can't bear
The empty void;
The stillness
Of time
When she looks away,
The trajectory
Of the fiery comets
Of her eyes
No longer colliding
Into my soul,
Like when the music stops
And you're waiting
For the next song,
But she's a mere foot away
And I wonder how
We can reconnect again,
The beams from her lighthouse
Coming around
Spotlight that I crave
That I would give anything for,
The performance of my life
But it's a downhill battle
A runway walk
I cannot keep up any longer,
And when she sees me again
I hear the applause
Of an audience;
The uproar of acceptance...

APAD13 - 149 © okpoet

I had a little dream
That slowly grew
Until one day
It was all but real,
I thought
It would be grand
If I could be
Loved by her,
And so I set my ways
To be for her
The very best
I could be,
Worked hard
Ambition driving me
To dress her in the very best
To house her in the very safest,
But I forgot
Just one
Little thing
The most important,
I forgot to love her
And so here
Surrounded in her dresses
Under the grandest roof,
I weep for her;
For it did not matter
How much I gave her
For she wanted very little,
My embrace
To clothe her
My love
To shelter her,
But I didn't know
And now she's gone
In the arms of another
And now I dream again...

APAD13 - 148 © okpoet

If I was snow
Would you be my angel?
Leaving your imprint
Indentation upon my heart,
Footprints on the beaches
Of my mind
All your memories
Beckoning me
Like my own
Dark city,
I the constructor
Of my own reality,
You my shell beach
Inaccessible dream,
Or would you fly away?
Mistaking the white of me
For a cold barren world,
Though even in the depths
Of any wasteland
There is life
You cannot see,
Just waiting
For the warm sun to rise,
And as such I await you,
Frozen in a place
Time forgot,
My soul on ice
As you skate on by,
Maybe we'll meet
When the winter thaws
And the rivers flow
Life anew with you once more...

APAD13 - 147  © okpoet

Love you lots,
Despite the pain
Despite the rain
From my eyes
Under blue sunlit skies,
In spite
Waking up
Restless in the night
Were I
An abandoned pup
I cannot lie,
I miss you
Night and day
And I have no clue
What else to say,
My mind in knots
I cannot undo
As I think of you,
Minor relief
Knowing you're alive
But that disbelief
Still lingers
Nine to Five;
Dead ringers
All the pictures
Permanent fixtures
In my head
That I cannot
Dislocate
Until I'm dead,
And for that I wait
Patiently
Fervently,
Though a race
This is not,
It is a surer bet
Than to ever see your face
Again; which I will never forget...

APAD13 - 146 © okpoet

I want to
Bite off your lip ring
And taste your blood
As I kiss you
Trying to consume you
Fiery in my conquest
As I travel to warmer regions
And I discover
Another set of lips
I must devour
Gripping you
Like my life
Depends
On my not letting go,
As I lap up your truth serum
The vulnerability of you
And the willingness of me
To embrace ourselves
A passionate engulfment
Of all the silent moments
That led to this
Havoc of beating pulses,
Sweat like morning dew
Gleaming off your body
I burrow deep into your soul,
Outside the dead of winter
Still lingers,
I don't ever want to leave...

APAD13 - 145  © okpoet

I'm trapped in her memory
Like a hamster
Still spinning the wheel,
Every step
Digging into my feet
Like every second
Consumes time
Oxygen In a fire
Slowly being depleted,
But I'm still going
Thinking I'll escape somehow
But the familiar squeak
At every full turn
Snaps me back
A misfired rubber band
And the sting
Startles me awake
Like I'm still on the same bus
And I'm never going to arrive
At my destination,
Every instance I catch my breath
I release my will
To be freed,
Her love like a carrot
Just within reach
Eternally...

APAD13 - 144  © okpoet

Your voice is stuck in my head
Like a dream or a nightmare
I don't know which it will be
As I drift off in my bed,
Out of nowhere
It comes to haunt me,
Like it's pitched a tent
A few words for stakes
Driven deep into my mind
And I wonder what silence
To my heart could have ever meant,
Like all the chosen words on birthday cakes
Would a deeper understanding ever find
In the depth of this pretense,
That this is only by the night
When I know you are there every day
Between every word I say
Such is my plight
But unlike those who seek a remedy
I welcome every shot
Like a Kennedy,
Give me all you've got...

APAD13 - 143 © okpoet

Yes I did,
Once long ago
I wanted, I wished, I yearned
To be loved,
Saw red in all the eyes
Bleeding hearts
As I charged;
Like an enraged bull
But then I felt the stab
The shocking pain,
And I tried to understand
Where had I gone wrong?
But I was just rearing to go,
I just wanted to love
And I'd charge out again,
And once more
The searing hurt
Would lacerate
Through and through
The truth betrayed
By the laughing spectators
As I tried to stand,
And the warm embrace came
But not of my gift returned
But of my own pool of death
Holding me, until I came to;
Cold as the matador with his conquest,
Though the next time I would
Wield the sword as my own toreador
Even if it was only to plunge the blade
Deep into myself
If only to end this macabre show...

APAD13 - 142 © okpoet

And just like that
Like after
The snap
Of a hypnotist's fingers,
I hear a sound
That I had never
Noticed before,
The silence of her absence
A distinct sort of restless void
Not only around me
But from within
Between every pounding
Beat of my heart,
The awareness
That after her
I could never again
Be alone and happy,
Just a sort of mild
Soapy kind of sadness
Lingering between
The rustlings and creaks of nature
And my artificial attempts
To drown out my solitude
Until she comes around again
My favorite song,
All the sweetness of sound
Unbottled from her laughter...

APAD13 - 141  © okpoet

She was
The prettiest
Of summers,
My reason
To dream,
She made
The winter warm
And made every day
Last a season
Or so it seemed,
But what time passed
Between our laughs,
A bitter clock
Ticked it away
Twice as long
When she parted,
Like an eternal
Haunting of a drip
From a faucet in the night,
And inconsolable was my wait,
Diamonds to a parched tongue
Riches to a bed ridden man,
But I wouldn't trade this hell
For a purgatory without her...

APAD13 -140 © okpoet

I'm looking up
At the full moon
Feeling like a fool
Under the midnight noon,
Thinking about how
She changed me
And then she left,
Would my tears
Be like footsteps in the sand,
My pillow the shore
That absorbs my steps,
Realizing how even after
98% of my atoms have changed,
That 2% will always remain
The same because of her,
The imprint of memories
Like ducklings
But I was too soon set free
Into my too calm a pond,
And I tell myself
I should have run away
Whence I came upon her,
Like a black cat,
But what superstition
Could give a heads up
Before I lost my head
My heart and my soul,
I a headless horseman
Ambling through the night
Until the dreaded sunrise...

APAD13 - 139 © okpoet

I love you,
Like my instinct
To live another day
Though every night,
I want to die
Asking why
You're so far
Asking why
You're not here,
Why you're everything
That I hold dear,
Yet I'm clutching
At nothing,
But my heart
From the pain
And yet
There is no gain
Whatsoever,
And if ever
I may find
Relief
For this
My ever present
Grief,
It scares me
That I want so badly
To stay alive
Because of you...

APAD13 - 138 © okpoet

The minute
I look away from you
Thinking I can
Shrug you off like Atlas;
Like once I've scratched
You'll never itch again,
This is the moment
I can feel your eyes
Piercing
Like from the barrel
Of a ******'s gun
Miles away,
And I wonder at your aim,
You're no longer
The stranger
You once were,
And it's all but apparent
That you're here to stay
And like reeds that bend
In the eye of the storm
I sway to your intent
Devoid of resistance,
Like one flinches
At the sight of a needle
And before I can scream
You're already gone;
With the wind
And all it's whispered secrets...

APAD13 - 137 © okpoet

It's that same feeling
Again
That tearing
Knotting
In the pit of my belly,
The opposite of butterflies
Scratching at my throat,
Wrenching metaphysical pain,
A longing for your smile
Like I'm trying
Yet sinking
To come up for air,
Like I dove off a cliff
And the regret
Is about to hit me
Like a car roof
Ever so viciously
A crunch unlike any other,
The tightening
In my chest
Getting tighter,
I angst
And I mourn,
I'm clay
And paper-mâché,
A school project volcano
About to erupt,
Werewolf howling at the moon,
There seems to be
No end
To my slow simmering torture,
God, have mercy...

APAD13 - 136 © okpoet

Time is all
Anyone has
None of,
Plenty of ways
For the seconds
To compound
Like grains of nothing
Between the toes
Washed away
Constantly into the great void
Light sinking into darkness,
Yet we try
Time and time again
To hold it
Within our grasp,
As we slap
Father time
Across the face
Love you
Without a second thought
A minute to doubt
An eternity to forget
As it all withers
Away from the sanity
Of all the clocks
On all the walls
On all the wrists
Insane symbols
Like the emperor's
New robes
We will never wear
More proudly
Like the imbeciles
That think
Tomorrow and your love
May yet arrive...

APAD13 - 135 © okpoet

At your door
Knock knock
Knocking on
At your door
With my heart
On a string,
A yo-yo
Back and forth
And back and forth
As to why
I'm standing here
Trying to find a meaning,
Where nothing is
Supposed to
Have a meaning
Because it's all a feeling
From this
Spinning orb
On the end of my finger,
Knock knocking
Heaven or hell's door
But then you answer
A slit in the wall
You put up,
That now I want
To just break down
But I'm glad
If you just let me in
And only me,
It's a start...

APAD13 - 134 © okpoet

I need you
Like I need
This next breath
This next heart beat,
In this moment
That you eclipse my mind
It's an imperfect world
Covered in darkness
Because I cannot see
What will be of me
Without you,
Because if this persists
This minute to minute
Absence of you
In my picture perfect dream,
Then I cannot
Will not
Take my next step
My next breath
Because I cannot
Will not
Continue like this
Without you,
Waiting for you
Like the next
Perseids
Just watching
The trailing showers
Knowing I won't
Live until its return...

APAD13 - 133 © okpoet

Her memories
Envelop me
Popped confetti
Candy from a busted piñata
Weighing me down,
Packing peanuts
Suffocating my heart
Stronger than gravity
Crushing me,
Down into the depths
Of our past
A present unopened
Unlabeled card
Under the biggest bow,
Frilly string
The veins
To my soul
The sharper the scissors
That I can find,
To cut
To severe
To serrate
Samurai blade
Through silk,
Any blood spilt
Like water through rock,
The lightest of rouge
My eyes
Stained glass
Mosaics of her...

APAD13 - 132 © okpoet

She drains me of words
Like at the end of a bath,
And I'm left with the stopper
Dry as a prune
Until I can
Once again
Replenish my thoughts,
Come again
Under my shower
But I'm just a mist
Lightly saturating
Her once more
Like the moisturizer after
But she shaves and dries
It all off,
What of it all
Has she absorbed?
I can't be coke
Left to go flat
Crushed soda pop can
In the sun
Unable to redeem myself,
Won't you give me a nickel
For my love?

APAD13 - 131 © okpoet

Her love is graffiti
On the blank walls
Within me,
All those colors
All just seem
Like different
Shades of red
To me,
As they pool
At my feet
I admire her soul
Not like I have
X-ray vision,
But I've seen
Her beauty faded
Before me
As a rose
That wilts
As a flower
That withers,
All that is pretty
Isn't just plasticine,
It's real flesh
As every breath
Oxidizes from within,
I know that all that will be left
Is like
What it must be
For the deaf and blind
Only what I feel
From and for her
When I'm near...

APAD13 - 130 © okpoet

I haven't seen you
In forever
And I'm constantly
Finding myself,
Trying to remember
Like I'm afraid
I will eventually forget
And you'll come up
Like an old song
On the FM radio
That I hardly ever
Listen to,
Top hits of long ago
That feel like another life
When I thought
Nothing else
But of someone else
Outside of me
From within me
Trying to get out
Just to find you,
And now I'm slipping
Like soap from your grip
Will you ever catch me again?

APAD13 - 129 © okpoet

Who told you
All the words
I needed;
I wanted to hear?
Like coloring in
By the numbers
This ugly is to the bone,
I'm caught up
In your barbed wire
And as the lies cut deep
I'm struggling
To be free,
Seems I just can't
Get away,
And these scars
Are bleeding  all over
Wished my heart
Were as calloused
As my hands,
But the blisters are
Just beginning;
And what hurts worst
Is I know this isn't
The last or the first...

APAD13 - 128 © okpoet

Hot kisses
From cold eyes
Dead hearts
Within warm bodies,
More bones than
Dalmatians,
And every single one
Is broken,
What if the cage
Freed the bird
And the trap
Is the world outside?
Life is easy
It's the living that's hard,
Too afraid to die
Makes for a waste of time,
The scars on your skin
Like the static on the TV
Should remind you
There is always color
Even in the dark,
We're pieces of puzzles
Our lips; our fingers interlocking
And there are no corners...

APAD13 - 127 © okpoet