I’m giving birth to a kaleidoscope of baby blue hopes
she’s green gelatin under me
breathing cerulean clean like a newborn baby and
she’s free


to feed from fire and ice
her fingers find distant dips deeper than webbed ligaments
dripping pearlescent beads to be placed over her beating brain
too many aged grapes
the violet light tying her tongue from spilling
secrets held together by straw ribbon


Stuffed cheeks of fluffy pink confetti cake
the shuffling of young hips
lift the veil of cream to brand my face with
your bubbling lips


O, belittling eye
Beat me blind until I shy divine
let’s live within the interior of the tattling tulips
who shush each other sweetly
Poor petals
silk with their speckled sickness it’s
sickening to beckon forgiveness


Bronze with wooden eyes and apple cheekbones set high
she slips into the figments of my imagination’s creations of her and I
I and her humming low
damp breath decorating the faces with indigo
Her opal fingertip prints mock fossils on the window
whose fingertips once tossed rusted coins as a child
pennies from nineteen forty eight stained with wishes that
may or may not have been cast at all

All the love in heart's blood fails,
The fierce anger becomes silent.
Despair dissipates and dissolves,
Wounds close and become scars.

Tears dry to nothingness,
Wasted away beyond cry.
Withering away from you,
Painfully walking away.

That furnace burning within has gone cold,
Shivering in the steely frosts of numbness.
I have fallen away, lost in shattered glass,
Cuts and bruises adorn my skin, scarring.

Sing me a solemn hymn, for I am unfeeling.
Open up my eyes to the radiant light, again.
I feel nothing but the agony of drowning,
The ground beneath me giving way to death.

Oh, what a sweet kiss death gives.

You noticed that I was torn
and began pulling edges together
Stitching them
O God it hurt

Stitch by stich You closed wounds
while I looked away with gritted teeth

but said, more more

They say pain is the well of wisdom
I have drunk a full bucket
and am quenched

but I want more … please

Great Healer most merciful
see my older brother

take Your needle and thread …

Sitting in a darkened room,
Hacking at your wrists,
It seemed you thought to slice them,
Would also sever your connection to reality.
But little did you know,
The pain was mine.
My heartbeat got fainter,
With every new scar,
I began to hate myself,
For not being able to help.
And as you got lower and lower,
It felt as though I was trying,
To lift you from below.
And as I fought,
To give you more time above water,
I drowned.

Memories formerly a pleasure to think about
Have become a sharp knife to carve my heart out
The thought of a look, a place, a moment in time
Serves only to recall what is no longer mine
Everywhere I look, and every thought I have
Reminds me of the lost happiness I had
Every morning when I open my eyes
Unwanted thoughts of my anguish arise
And I do my best to cast them aside
But it seems to me there’s nowhere to hide