I am running through a field that seems oddly familiar,
It is a ***** feeling,
I am experiencing things I have already done.
I am seeing you.
I am seeing you in your past, before me.
I see the white lies you told me about her, come uncovered.
I am angry, furious, screaming, but silent.
My mouth is open and tears are running down my cheeks but I am still silent.
I cannot handle you and your "innocent" past that is a fib between your cheating teeth.
I am grinding my teeth as I turn my hands purple from the fists they have turned into,
You are destroying me in every way and you can't notice it.
I am screaming, but I will always be silent.

Why is it that every word you speak
I expect insults instead of compliments.
Why do you show your love for me through angry hands,
why can't you show me you love me by loving me
rather than destroying me.
I am scared of what is next.
I am scared of how many more times your hands will be covering my mouth.
I know you love me.
But I also know you hate who I am.
I love him but we are both victims.
We cannot seem to control ourselves any longer.
There is more hate filled touching than love filled.
I have become your biggest pet peeve.
I am the nagging in your ear.
You will never admit this to me,
but I am clever enough to see the hate you have for me by the lack of touch,
the way your eyes don't glaze over when you look at me anymore.
I keep trying to put you out of your misery of the burden that I have become.
You won't let me.
I am sorry I have become a chore.
I never wanted to be the person you wanted the least.

I am always the one who loves too much
who cares too much
that was the absolute reason why
I ended up with the biggest wound
I did that to myself
it was all my mistake
I am the one who pulled the trigger
to my head, up from my mouth
he was just there giving me the gun

It is the fact that you don't notice it.
You can't seem to notice how it hurts,
even if it is such a tiny thing you have done.
I am seeing it happen,
watching it unfold before my eyes.
I know what is going on,
I know she still thinks of you,
and you still think of her.
How could you let me love you for this long,
and think about someone else.
I will not show how hurt I am to you,
you would think I am irrational.
The only part I don't understand is,
how could you let this happen so freely?
I am typing this and feeling my heart break a little bit more.
My eyes are quivering to hold back the tears.
I am writing this as I look at you.
I am writing this as you look at her.

It is as if I am an old toy
You loved my company the first few months,
and now you want to toss me into the toy chest.
I no longer hold your attention,
I no longer feed your imagination,
I simply lay here waiting upon the moment when maybe you will miss me.
Trying so desperately for you to notice how gloomy I have been about this,
You do not even notice what you have done,
Nor do you care about how I feel about being tossed to the side.
I want to be your favorite again.
I want to excite your mind.
Pick me back up.
I miss your hands.