What I said you can't define
A chill that runs down my spine
It lingers down my veins
Am I here? Am I sane?
You look at me like I'm crazy
You haven't said a word and just maybe
You want to leave
and let me be
I cannot move
I'm in the state of infirmity.
They call me ecstatic
In fact I am enigmatic.
I did it again and realized I am alive.
You cannot bare to see me here
In this insane trance I fear.
Just set me free
Into the rain, from all the pain
Down the drain, through the hole
I see no light, everything white.
I might be dead?
No more me sick in the head.
Life has become lucid,
but did you see what you did?
The power you had to make me mad?
Will you hark back to my old talk?
Or will you walk,
Away from me?
Leave me here
Let me be.

How sad can blue make you?
Is it because of the silence too?
Where do I begin telling the truth?

One day I will be as lonely as a ship out in the blue
Spinning down a whirl pool spiral loop after loop
I know it will be over soon.

My heart begins to beat faster and faster until my veins break loose
And again I bleed everywhere, but this time blue.

I fall into this emotional lagoon
It makes me despondent and there is nothing I can do,
But to wait for this anxiety to pass, and I can subdue.

The only thing I see
Is their  beauty.
The cold look was hypnotizing
Those hidden eyes mesmerizing.
Then it took me to insanity
Controlling my body.
After came anxiety
Felt like someone shot me.
I dreamt about the brumal night
When our outs touched ins
The falling walls of sin.
I lay there beside you
A stranger I thought I knew.
To me you were my secret
Now I wish we never met.
Now I wish I never said it
The words of love we always regretted.

Oh, mind, do you mind me minding?
I'm finding it hard to open my eyes,
It's blinding.
I see only darkness in here.
She kind of likes the feeling of fear.

Oh, mind, why is this pleasure unknown?
True happiness is found when you are alone.
Why do the aimless things linger in my head?
Are they incidental? I remember what everyone says.

Oh,  mind, I'm minding the path to my soul.
I hear my heart beat after all.
Just as a soulless beggar on a drum
I pass by and begin to hum.
Thoughts turn into song,
Her thoughts turn into wrong.

Oh, mind, do you mind me minding?
I'm finding it hard to open my eyes,
Sorry for wandering.

He asked to see my words
Joy in unexpected interest
But to share a glimpse inside the emptiness
The truth I've hidden for years
The fact that my feelings lay bare in ink
Though no longer reside in my soul

He asked to see my words
Answers to unasked questions
The truth of my daily struggle
The demons dancing within
The reason my heart is dessicated
The shame of my reality

He asked to see my words
To learn I do not trust
To see the dark prevail
So different from what I show
Frightened to lose someone else
Someone I dared to pretend to love

He asked to see my words
Hidden within is truth
The fact I try to no avail
That I only betray myself
To risk a loss of one so dear
There will be no recovery from nonacceptance

He asked to see my words

I feel guilty. All the time, for everything. I don't know how to be normal. I think I feel too much. My heart beat has gotten louder and I hear it even in a loud room. It scares me because I don't know what I feel for. Or who I feel for. I didn't know sad people could feel so much. I mostly thought I was alone. Empty. But with such a strong heart then there must be something else, I think. If it's so loud, if it's so strong why am I so vulnerable but not only vulnerable but prone to pain. Shouldn't I be able to withstand myself and pain. I become sad. I confuse myself and contradict myself and then I feel stupid. I don't want to feel stupid I want to be smart. Not a fool, then I begin to worry. What can a fool with such a loud heart do. Nothing. A fool, one as vulnerable as me can be tricked so easily. It's quite embarassing. I'm embarrassed of myself and who I am. It shouldn't be like this. Why can't I be as confident in myself as other people. They know who they are. They know what they want to do. They are making changes in this world and going places. And me? I'm here talking like a fool about having a big, loud beating heart.

This Old Soul marches into Battle daily
Determined to shine the Light
Even if I can manage only a faint flicker
I will dutifully execute my modest role
In creating the conditions under which Darkness cannot exist
To be One small Exception
To the Ego's Earthly rule

It is a War – and though we do not win every Battle
Our Victory is secured as long as we Fight
There is no god to grant us our Salvation
The Great Judge lives within each and every one of us
It takes three eyes to see
And though we are few
We are not alone

So, take comfort
Our Trek is difficult, but Worthy
Our opponents do not know
Nor will they believe
That we cannot be defeated
And as such
They will continue their assaults

Be ready.

I am a poet
And my world is my own
No ingestion of substance can compare

I am a poet
My senses I hone
How else can I color them to share

I am a poet
My pain is my pride
My wounds bleed raw on a page

I am a poet
My hope burns alive
Experiences transform me to a sage

I am a poet
I overflow with love
I accept all for who and what they are

I am a poet
Who needs not a shove
To weave a story in whimsy from afar

I am a poet
My passion rules the mind
However logical I pretend to be

I am a poet
I coax the words in kind
Filled with feelings only memory can see

I am a poet
I see the verse as yet untold
I bathe pages from the beauty of a look

I am a poet
My pen leads to my soul
There is intrigue in every shadowed nook

I am a poet