I did a bad thing.
At least the doctors say
it's a bad thing.
I just took a little bit.
A little
bit.

What's the harm?
Maybe the judgement of my peers?
Physiological disruption?

In a world full of heady pressure
I wanted some release.
To feel at ease- to feel ******.

So I'm back at day one.

Oh well:
Nothing like a fresh start.

I find joy in our silence (because there is no tale to tell)
A story implies a beginning, a middle, an end
So forgive me if I am guarded,
I am afraid to start something (that I want to last forever)
Whisper me love
Sing me the words you cant speak
Lay with me, look to the stars (hold me until forever comes )
Feel this silence (don't try to fill it)
I hope it tickles your skin, reminding you softly of how I need you to stay

If i could do anything
to stop
this suffering
i probably wouldn’t
for i’m so used to it
that i can’t even
picture myself
out of it &
it hurts even more
to admit that
i probably don’t want to

In the beginning it was shaking,
Butterflies so bad they all came up.
And first kisses.
And naivety.

The shaking never went away,
But soon it was all begging.
Come home.
I need you.
I miss you.

Then it was drunk phone calls while driving at night,
Love confessions.
No responses.

Now its fantasies.
And teasing.
And reminiscing about how the only reason we ever were
Were our self-destructive tendencies.
Bad habits.

But I’m better now,
And you are too, right?
I haven’t been able to write
Since I last drew blood from my body,
I guess that’s a little concerning.

Silence echoes round her
Making her tinnitus audible.
It smacked at walls,
A flat,
B sharp.
Chiming.
Chiming.
The little girl next door had a throat infection.
She was in the choir,
Singing for the night.

It feels good to be hurt
Cause it makes you a serpent
To be watchful before you move your step
And thoughtful after you mend your heart

Falling from a tree gratify
For it makes you a cheetah
After all, you had descended
And it’s so fast and faster

It is like this today
Tomorrow in another way
Admit it and stay
Soon it'll be okay

Today's situation makes you
Careful and vigilant tomorrow
Recall and rectify the happen
Forget yesterday and move on

In your new endeavor
You will never get hurt
And you will never fall
Cos you’re already down

The rushed days are slipping by
As I ride this eagle into the sky
Circling the mountains high
Never knowing the reason why
Those of us would pay to die
As the albatross sit and cry
All I can do is stand and sigh
Knowing the end is drawing nigh