I know it’s been two years
But missing him still makes it hard to breathe
Hard to sleep, hard to eat
There’s a lump in my throat, a burn in my chest
An ache in my brain
He will always be the one that got away
The one that should’ve stayed, the one that should’ve loved me
He’s so far, like the moon, too far to reach
But I still feel him here, I still feel his touch, I still feel his warmth
I’m going crazy, insane, mad
Two years and I can’t forget, I can’t breathe.

I forgot his smell, it makes me sad
I’m sick of this, sick of him, mostly sick for him. I’ve always been crazy for him
I cling to the memory of his voice, the feeling of his warm embrace
Anything I can keep inside my mind, just a little taste of what was mine
I’m weak, so weak
Maybe I’ll miss him forever, maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be
All the men after him will become an antidote experiment
To find a cure, I need a cure.

I woke up from a night of pain
But you kissed my face with morning joy

My entire life,
I have been waiting.
For years,
Almost two decades now
I have been waiting.
Waiting,
For the better parts.
Waiting,
For the “soon”.
Waiting,
For my life to begin.
Because,
I don’t feel like I have lived.
In the nearly twenty years
I have been alive
And breathing
I do not feel
In any of those years
That I have been alive.
I don’t feel like a single breath
That I have taken
Has been real.
I feel as if
All these years
I’ve been stuck
Behind a window
Watching as my life unfolds
Before me.
I feel that
I have had
Zero control.
That I am in the backseat
Letting someone else drive.
That someone else,
Is writing on the pages
Of MY life.
But no more.
I will break that window,
I will take that wheel,
And I will write
My own pages.
My life has begun,
And now -
I’m in control.

Forced by covenant to conceal
The wound you carry deep
Too dangerous far to now reveal
The secret you must keep

The truth, it’s said, can set you free
Whose truth, I ask my heart
Some truth must hide, to shadow flee
Or slay as a poisoned dart

A truth which must be guarded well
Though to be shouted loud it cries
Must be restrained and forced to dwell
Within a citadel of lies

A soaring fort of alabaster walls
Splendid turrets as disguise
Conceals pits beneath its gilded halls
Where love lies brutalized

Though we ache for all the world to see
To the heart, it matters naught
Two souls are not united by decree
Nor love with license bought

So truth must wait and a prisoner remain
In lonely cell, there to abide
Believe dreams of freedom are not in vain
That gates, one day, will open wide

I will use your tears
to water my mind,
and grow you a poem
Anytime that you cry

Who could possibly love a girl like me?
Me.
I could love a girl like me.

There is nothing more
that I need
than the love
from a girl like me.