vera - Hello Poetry

vera Mar 2018

she kept asking me why im always writing
and why i love road trips so much
why i cant stay in one place for more than a year without feeling the sting of boredom crawling its way into my skin
so i told her

its just that
             there is no other way for me to live my life
not when i know that
             the whole world is staring me back in the face
patiently waiting
             getting ready for me to absorb all that its trying to gift
all of these people
            that we coexist with, yet have never met
they are out
           LIVING THEIR OWN LIVES
           EXPERIENCING THEIR OWN EMOTIONS
           LOVING THEIR OWN PEOPLE
and we have no idea of each other's existence

the only way i know how to live my life is to tackle it head on

i used to sit on my bed
   in my room
       and stare at my computer screen
            any tv show i could find
                i would watch for d.a.y.s. on end

but one day i woke up
and i realized that that wasnt really living my life
i was taking a break
escaping into another reality that was simpler than my own
one where i didnt exist, but i wasnt quite dead either

but i knew that wasnt my idea of living

my idea of living was experiencing the wholeness around you
all of the agony and torture
all of the jealousy and mistrust
all of the infatuation and true love
all of the ease and satisfaction

it was all just one long adventure and the only way for me to enjoy it
was to let it engulf me
and glide along for the ride

- a quick jot of my train of thought for the past few days

#wakingup #newbeginnings #understanding #living #awake #green

vera Mar 2018

writer's block

good news, i have cured my own writer's block.
an interesting thought roamed my mind on march 20th, 2018
"i have not felt any emotions in quite some time."

precious time that i have missed out on the feeling of a smile settling itself onto my face

the conclusion that i came to: when i cant feel, i cant write.
i had cracked the mystery of why my pen and my mind could not seem to cooperate
causing a disruption in my routine to write something substantial in weeks

so, i opened the flood gates and let my emotions rush out to drown the city in my mind
broken down into two million, one hundred thousand, and sixty-eight pieces i tried to analyze myself

kind of like a detective looking for a lead on a case taking years to unfold

thankfully i found an answer
i found myself a pool of green in a room of white
negative emotions seeping toxicity into the air that bubbles above it
a poison ready to coat you and deteriorate every cell in your body one at a time

i took a leap in the pool of course and found that i was coming up empty handed

so i sat down on my bed amongst my smooth polar bear covered sheets
and i pulled my notebook and pen off of the nightstand

then i took a deep breath
and wrote this poem to cure my writer's block

- a vile of feeling a day, keeps the writer's block away

#learning #knowing #feeling #understanding #blue #depressed

vera Mar 2018

blue

if the moon is blue,
then what am i and who are you?

- dreaming of the sun

#sad #depressed #understanding #yellow #blue

vera Mar 2018

something about me is fallen

something about me is fallen
my walk is not the same
the lengthy strides I took in confidence
are now short steps that I fumble
the hours I spent sculpting my figure through exercise
are now spent in my bed asleep re living the nightmare
and you
you are especially different
the affection you poured onto me
and the time you devoted
are now excruciatingly difficult to live without
you fooled me into thinking we were something more
than a new story to boast through to your friends

- dont tell your grandchildren about us

#tired #sad #unworthy #sleepy

vera Feb 2018

happy.

if you accidentally wander into my mind
you’ll find yourself faced with many
strange arrangements and patterns

there are thoughts dressed in silk
and ideas coated in gold

there are words dipped in honey
and emotions sprinkled with turmoil

there are nerves covered in sadness
and smiles sheltering angry scowls

if you accidentally wander into my mind
you’ll find yourself asking this question

am i happy?

- its all a daze of confusion

#sad #lost #depressed #unhappy #confused #dark

vera Feb 2018

cold is the cure

cold wet hair
is the remedy for migraines
that beat hammers
behind your eyes
and give you a private concert
of the sounds of blood rushing
in your brain

cold wet hair
is the remedy for nightmares
freezing all of the sadness over
in your mind
just for a few moments

cold wet hair
is the remedy for anger
freezing droplets hit your
boiling skin
and put your back
in a state of homeostasis

cold wet hair
is the remedy for sadness
a minuscule distraction
drawing your focus
to the heat escaping
your body
to make you colder
than you already were

- looking for rememdies

#sad #depressed #cold #lost

vera Feb 2018

story of a madwoman

i am a madwoman
so mad that i lay awake at night
and wonder whether youre mind
is racing as fast as mine
looking to win first place
and land in the depths of my happiness

i am a madwoman
so mad that i wander through the day
aimlessly strolling
from store to store
looking for the perfect distraction
while secretly hoping that i am yours

i am a madwoman
so mad that i pick up my phone
every now and then and call you
just to check if youre still there
because my mind can’t seem to forget you yet

i am a madwoman
so mad that i plunge myself into every minuscule task
working for a bone, like a dog
to avoid the gruesome possibilities
that i know are most likely true

i am a madwoman
because a madwoman can convince herself
of the impossible

and i have managed to convince myself
that you love me

- insane journals

#madwoman #sad #heartbroken #hurt