I open my eyes and I lay exactly where I would expect
my mind is calm but nothing crosses the river
my bedroom looks the same as it has
but there is a green hue, and the sky outside is purple
I wish to investigate, but my feet won't cooperate
Led blocks carry me to the window and icicles draw back curtains
the royal colors shine over the town
like a wounded animal crawling into a cave to die

On my desk is a mass
frozen fingers set it atop my head
and only wondrous noises pierce my ears
but there is no sound for them to recieve
Crawling outside, everyone is still
Their masks unmoved, they wait for eternity

and I believe this is a dream but how to know?
its not like I can step outside the outside
but whats behind that?
I stare into the black hole, nothing shows through
and I have finally found god
but before I rejoice, the masks stare at me
still, but moving in calamity it all starts to ring true
and then I see
and use my eyes to realize real lies

I want you to play me like a guitar
Let your song be heard through me and
play my chords ever so gently,
as if you were brushing your hair
Tune my strings to your liking, for I live for you.
And let these words rain true in song, eternalized,
You and I

Take me on the road in your tattered case
Play me to get by, but don’t worry about my feelings
I’ll be just fine.
Memorize every hickey on my neck, every knick, and every fret.
But don’t fret over me.
Feel the smooth waxed skin I wear, decorated with stickers
to let the whole world know I belong to you,
because the way your hands caress me
tells me that you are mine.

Together we make the perfect song
A blissful and tragic story, that was meant to be
We’ll stay on this road forever, You and I

Cause girl, what we got is something to sing about

Candles lit, I sit in a familiar place.
She walks slow, step by step, with a strong dash of grace.
The lights are off through the room, dimly lit faces.
Not my family, just thoughts in trance for many days.

One hundred billion stars light the cake.

If no one hears me
Do Taoists know the real truth?
Talking will not help

I don't know why I do this to myself
The racking of my brain is as
loud as a baby at 4 AM
I'm telling myself the obvious
to keep myself quiet and obident.

I don't know if I'm gonna make it
On days llike this when I want to sleep
the world away wishing
I could rest my head where I really
want.

You see we were perfect once
But the feelings I hold close
are too radical to share with you.

You want me to open up,
But I cannot tell you these things,
children's whispers,
Shadows in corners,
You don't know what I really think

No one does.

I fell like there's more words in the English language
than there are brain cells
in my decrepit body
what do you call
the feeling of longing
for something that you never
have seen or expirienced in you whole life?

Why do people strive to be prosperous,
but not help those in need?
I think too much,
for my own good,
and I should let
my poisions do their job,
and take me out of this world
and into Nirvana

but a madman can spout all he wants
and his words mean nothing
we are all saying the same words
thinking we are unique in our presentation,
but this has all been done before
we are another act to the play
that hides the truth in
the rafters and very soon
curtain call will destroy us all

I felt the ground beneath me,
There was nothing at all,
I had nothing,
To stop the fall.

I could hear the shrieks,
of ghosts in time past,
I wonder how long,
they will last,

I could feel the breath of a slimy creature behind,
a conjure casted cat ran through my mind,
I thought of death and how my clock winds,
but alas, death leaves my contract left unsigned,

I opened my eyes, bright sun up above,
Startled, I jolted up with a buzz, gave my body a shove,
flowers on the ground spelled out love,
heat on my face I had nothing to speak of,

I took a long walk to understand,
what I thought was in the masterplan,
I sunk my toes in the dirt to feel the land,
I realized the plan isn't about my lifespan

All this time I've been worried
about the one thing that was perfect
Now I'm lost,
dazed,
confused.

Getting back to where I started,
that's probably the only way.
I've gotta to backwards,
that's okay.

If I stay here,
I'll rot away.

The progressive flow of time
can never, ever unwind
don't think towards infinity
and degrade your own trinity

The title of alive is but a mask
finding your power is your true task
I look back and I realize now
why my depression screamed so loud

I wasn't true to myself
I could think of nothing, and nothing else
To regain my insanity, my dignity
Grow my resolve towards infinity

I'd like to say the blue sky is what will load
I wave hello to the thought of you following
me down this long yellow and tattered brick road
a different path sprouts up and I can hear the calling
"Everything you think is a lie in disguise"
A low voice cackles, a shadow face emerges, time slows
"Use your eyes to realize real lies"
Dread is a comfort wrapped around my skin when the wind blows

I feel like death is what is inside a black hole
not only literally, I look around the luminous room,
the walls fall down, all that I can see is green bubbly mold
I'll try to sweep boulders, and shimmy over with the broom
Before the shadow disappears, 100 years have made me old
The walls are back, but nothing holds the fume

It accompanies my conscious self
fumes relax the soul, and but the Subconscious to sleep
I'll box up the memories and store them on the shelf
From the beach to this **** town they run my emotions to deep
sometimes your mind has to die to heal yourself
lovers cross at the wrong point in time, a sea of life is why I weep
******* emotions give me the ******* blues

I wonder if sociopaths need the laughing gas
because to continue on my heart has become blue

You're definitely a flying pig,
so call me John Wayne.
You definitely stumble over your own feet,
and I talk with grace
You can't seem to stop eating
and I can bench 300 pounds
You're terribly horrible,
and I am amazingly perfect

I arrived on a date unknown
my body lay cold, dead and alone,
I can't recall the events of how I fell,
I just am thankful I'm not in hell,

I don't know where I am, however,
The sky is a beautiful blue, and oh my, the weather,
but I cannot find another soul,
My chest tightens, and my heart feels like coal,

It's black as the night, but I'm basking in light,
I can't give up my fight,
and when the final tear is shed, I just might,
So instead I will live here in delight,

So If I can not a person among these oceans, stars, earth and snow,
Where did they all go? Oh my, what if they are below?

These thoughts envelop
me like a blanket
Nurtured by pain,
comforted by death,
with the apathy tree overgrown,
I welcome thee.

It's inevitable to be forgettable
no matter what print you leave
it'll wash away with the new
the new generation
will leave you on your ***
asking yourself what happened.
Where did the stereo go?
where did the youth disappear to
underneath the bags in your eyes
the crumbling fingernails
and the rusting nails holding together
plywood.
holding itself together.
Holding
on
tight.

Silence cannot heal
Break the void with your own voice
Now light your own path

From a young age it's followed me,
with a scrunched back and a shrouded face
like a shadow
it watched me write alone behind the dumpster
cross streets when cars came,
and that time I played chicken it was there to comfort me

My life is the lamest tragedy
I walk this lonely road,
the only one I have ever known
and greenday got me through it back then
but now it all falls apart

we're apart and I don't think there's a remedy
alone through this life is the way I ride
and it may be the last time tonight

I write because no one listened
maybe I'm too emotional
my psyche has gotten out of control
tentacles reach from memories buried
and they come forth to haunt me

I just feel empty like a deflated balloon
used up, thrown out, and so **** blue
I can try to put light where there is darkness
but there hasn't been any light for me

So I will sit here alone at my desk in contemplation
I don't think it will help but I've been
my own company for far too long
so much that I stopped singing my song.

I've got friends with teeth broken at the gum line.
These guys can punch you so hard
you'll feel it when you think of it
I got friends who'll scare you outta your wits
the bits of stubs they call fingers,
are the most ginger thing.

These guys can **** you and not think twice
and they're the nicest people.
They know what's right and wrong.
and they're not afraid.

The most important thing in this life is each other
the human bond, and spectrum of emotion
is as diverse and colorful as the whole god
**** world we live in.
The fever I get when I look at here is one of those things
I just know I never wanna let go of.
She makes me feel things incredible.
Family Matters.
Love is all.
Love is us.

I have an arsenal of thoughts
but only a handful of mediums
to express all of these words
in a particular order
with a peculiar fashion

Expression is the only thing that curbs
depression in the gray sky of life
To record is to remember
to write is to make history
So write on,
it's all that is left when we pass on

On my way I see
A pin-***** perimeter
For infinity

As a writer we all understand that need,
the urge inside you yearning to escape through
the written word
the word you inscribe with your thoughts
onto the paper of a phoenix, born anew
as each failed sentence crumbles it
to ash

There's a magnificence in your face
and a gentle underside that leans me inward
your cute curved lips tremble as I slide
my hand up your skirt

There's a flush of the cosmos on your face,
and the cosmos are vast
like our minds, the cosmos bends
to the will of energy

For everything that is final
there was a begininng so we must ask
where have we been?
the ramblings of madmen conduct
our code and ethics
but those still mad run among the streets
unnoticed, like a raven.

And as I think of the woes of the mother,
her blue marble is but a tear in the eye,
of a life infinitely larger
the will is not there
you must understand its not in my hands

I am trapped inside
and I will shut the windows tonight
But still as the rain hits the roof
I feel myself sliding,
slipping,
falling.

Cycles spin and twist about,
but nothing drowns out the awful shout,
without God's help all that's left is just doubt,
lingers ahead, only to sprout,
drown the cycles, empty the spout,
You know that you're dead, there isn't any way out
;

Why do I feel so alone?
And like my live is not sovereign, or my own?
Why do I waste my time typing these words away?
When my mind only bends and sways,
I find myself in dismay.

I feel trapped in a life unwanted,
Like I was rushed here and my time stunted,
there's a sea of consciousness none of us know,
It rests quietly, waiting patiently below.

I lost the ability to cry,
and in it's place I can fly,
I've held on to my depression,
and all I can feel is regression.

I've got to ask myself
Is it real?
You love me, and I
haven't told you the deal
When I think, I sigh
just keep spinnin' the wheel

It's been a minute
or a milenia
Who's to tell
my mind of mania

It's an awkward answer
to your question within
Just like a lancer
I have to win

The thing about this life
is that it's so fast I see it in slow motion
the things I get caught up on
offer infinite possibilites
for the concepts inside my head
the rythm of the earth
can match to each of us
a part of the cycle
we are all living in

If you fly high as a dragon
you can see the city below
What man cannot see, you can
the view is a unique sight,
something to behold.

Take your time, and enjoy what little
we all have
and while it is infitly unimportant
it is just as important to do it
because that  is what makes
this world
Ours.

If only

If only I could show you the way
If only I could follow my own advice
If only I knew what to say
If only I could let go of the vice

If only you were here with me
If only I could get there today
If only I could skip this mystery
If only I wasn't afraid

If only

Hey there friend,
let's bend
to the will of the people.
Crane our necks
and get on our knees
this is the price of Freedom
you better go run with the bees
cause like them, you're running out of time.
But don'be be fooled by the tricks of a mime
nothing is silent
and everything shines.
Nothing is black and white
there is so much gray, despite
all of the reasons there shouldn't
in another world there wouldn't.
So enjoy what you got
give up what you sought,
cause my friend life is short
in any way shape or sort.

Maybe if I move to mars,
I will find what I am looking for,
No loud noises, and no cars,
Your smile, three inches from the door,

Restless running through my mind
I have an insane thirst for sane thoughts
The hidden demons will shine,
Call the doctor, I'm in need of shots,

I've been fighting for so long,
uphill battles pave the way to light
Masks lie, what they say is wrong,
on the way I always have to fight

Loudly Siren sings her song
She whispers I don't belong

I can pour my words onto paper
like a storm washing salty ocean spray
onto a boat that's ready to break
I can lt everyone know how I am feeling
when I come here, and resort to this place,

my friends are all gone if they were ever there
and that's okay because like a phoenix I can rise
from the ashes of broken friendships
and move on to bigger and better things

I can't beat myself up for what I can't control
and if someone wants to run from a problem
that's their choice. They're going to miss
all of the places you'll see

Stay true to yourself always, and never let up
The storm will rage on, with a friend or not,
and when you have to tackle it alone,
They can't wear your boots
They can't steady your feet

If I could wish upon  star
there would be a gleaming hope
you'd notice me
After all the time spent
After all the minutes went
I never forgave
I never forgot

There's gotta be
some kind of universe where
we can at least be friends
Just a little part of a little space and time
you and I are more than strangers

All I see is gray
it's black and white on the TV
Finally, I'm mad
more gray food for me, give me pills,
No water, just gray

Fallacies contrast
It's a gray sky, no one knows why,
Whine if you must friend,
In a moment, everything ends,
Slowly pull the blinds,

If you shrink, look meek,
don't worry about me, just go,
If needed, run slow
They are candy before us my friend,
Fallacies, two for you, and one for me

If the shoe fits,
wear it case you're thoughts,
they can't bear it,

You can call it quits
take a breathe, your mind is taught,
taught well and learn'd hard,
A lifetime ago, terrible fits,
Now you know the crow,

The one that talked to you on lonely nights,
the one that walked you through all the fright,
taught you might,
and now you know the way might be winding,
but the wind can't stop you,

The crow chases with a frown, but he seems so far away,
and the cloud guides you both to the new tomorrow,
but you free yourself from yesterday, and its in your head,
you know it, you lose it, and you never choose it,
but it finds you,

and now you're off track,
bring it back,
no heart attacks,
let's put the pen down and unwind,
we'll all be gone in no time.

Staying up just to pass time,
Smoking too, drinking wine,
I can't feel so just say I'm fine,
I can't see where to draw my line,

I hope the future fixes my past,
but winged angels cannot affect from above,
and you need to find your own way, anyway,
you can't use this mortal life for such trivialities.
Focus deep, smile wide, drop your  elbows, new mentality

Starry Night

We've known your gaze for too long
you reach out to us, whispers in the wind
you can hear our hearts as Earth breathes
We can taste your lips when the air is crisp

and we know your comfort when we turn to the
moon

In due time,
these words I will refine.
Like a fine wine,
I will discover the line
to fit the rhyme.

But the time is not now.
That is okay.
To get there, improvement is how
I will look back on everything one day
To sit, laugh, and play.
Waste time away.

It seems to me the only time
I can get anything productive done is when my mind starts
to drift away.
The descent into sleep caresses my mind with soothing words
It sets my creativity free, and for an eternity
I am lost entirely within me

Shuffle forward into the next room,
tell me, what do you notice?
Curtains stained with wine on lonely nights,
when your hand could not steady your soul,
and a bit of wine or your soul, you're not sure,
spills onto the curtains you bought years ago,

They were yellow like you anyways,
and in this memory you see yourself pleading with god
"Help me" you beg, a whisper to the void
but you know no one can hear you
in locked dreams kept under your bed,
in dusty thoughts trapped in your head,

Step by step
don't get close to the ledge
down the yellow road its kept
You heart is on the edge

Jump and you can reach
know what seek
all and each
its so low and meek