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I know it’s wrong to beg for someone to stay
so what if I just asked politely
or what if we said the same goodbye a hundred times and we never actually reached the part where you walk away
you have to think that we were lucky to know love like this, even if just for a moment
I don’t know how to grieve the loss of you
I don’t know how to stop loving your ghost
I think I want to disappear for awhile
to sink in to myself and return a stranger to the one’s who think they know me best
I keep searching for another person to define me because I don’t know myself as well as I’d like
and the past can’t be changed, I’ve tried that
but it’s time to start forgiving it
all I know is this longing for change
all I know is this desperation for freedom from the weight of past transgressions
His laugh is impish,
His smile devilish,
He seems to have a secret
Behind his eyes.

Musicians have the best hands
After all.

It feels good to have
His eyes on me.
It feels good to look up
At him
And catch him
Looking at me.

One sided
Sideways glances
Are lonely.
To steal a moment
Of drinking in
A person’s humanity,
Catch the laugh,
The nervous chatter,
The awkward adjustment
To his bracelet,
And find him looking back at me
Makes me feel
Alive and present again.

His brief sigh
As the customers all fan out around the bar
Before he launches
Into his traditional speech,
And see him looking at me
Without the same fallacy,
The same false
Flamboyance,
Is an exhale
After holding your breath
Underwater for too long.

To see his body in the night,
To not have to worry
About who else is seeing it,
To just let it be
An art piece on display
For whoever he welcomes,
Me included,
Is so worry free
And calming.

His silver hair
Catches the lowlight.
My youthful skin
Only just of drinking age
Glowing in the night,
And I know
I shouldn’t look at him
The way I do,
But he looks like life.
Like vibrant
Life,
And I thirst for it.
I want his liveliness
To flow through my veins.
I want to wear his smile
On my neck,
Between my *******,
Or my legs...

“It makes me so mad,
Because you’re giving into the daddy issues stereotype.”

It makes me so satisfied,
To just exist
Without consequence.
When the spirit listens
  —the heart forgives

(Villanova Pennsylvania: December, 2011)
A sweet
Sad Christian girl
Walked into a bar,
And tending it
Stood
A disciple
Of all cautionary tales
She’d ever heard.
And he poured her a drink.

She sat,
Legs crossed
Tied in a bow,
And he pulled the string,
With just a smile
And a few looks
That lasted too long.

In the arms of a sinful man,
Is where I
fantasize
about being.




In your deep brown eyes
When I saw crystal clear
Cosmos skies and oceans
I found myself within
Your soulful creations

I swayed happily like a flower
As YOU rained over me
Lashing whips on my fragile heart
I poured our blood from my heart
Gushing into your heart streets

Till date, your voice
Plays music within my heart-beats
Like the eagerly awaited first sounds
Of a newly born baby

Like how the first rain soaks
The hot and dry desert sand
YOU effortlessly soaked & entered
My parched heart's land

Did you know that
Your feminine X chromosome
Has made a partnership with
My masculine X chromosome?
Let me tell you this
That is what has made us
Passionately insane in LOVE

Then how come, we are so far?
Then how come, silence is our cry?
Why do we still crave and struggle
To cover this distance between our hearts?

When two feet of yours
And two feet of mine
Will walk the distance of SOUL
The four alphabets  
L and O and V and E
Will ultimately be "L-O-V-E"

When you're not around
Nature creates your
Presence around me

Your breathing speaks
And my silences listens
That's the essence of our LOVE

Our ETERNAL yearning is a wonder
With every passing moment, we ponder

YOU've given me so much LOVE that
YOU are the final LOVE of my life
So let me LOVE you like my first LOVE
And fill myself with YOUR last LOVE

With all these gone
"I, me, my, mine, myself"
All I have been is become YOURS
I am YOURS and
Will always remain YOURS

From a seed YOU sow of a star
In the gardens of my dark sky
See I sprouted a full-MOON
Out of your single LOVE-glance





 Jul 2019 Mark Tilford
Marya123
It's scary to think that it might be true
That fortune favours only some, a few.
The rest it leaves up to the wraiths of time
Making any success an uphill climb
I wish I could do better than the now
I try so hard, but I ***** up somehow.
I wish to be the best version of me
I wish to understand how to break free
To leave these chains of history behind
To face all my fears, to speak my own mind
To be heard where my voice can be drowned
To know what it's like to be seen, or found.
I don't realize until I feel the pain-
That I make mistakes again and again
I wonder if I'll ever be good enough
If these slopes I ascend would stop feeling rough
Is it the wrong mountain? I'll never know
Until then, I'll just go with the flow.
 Jul 2019 Mark Tilford
Shabnam
A lush green garden that once bore an apple tree..
Long left by the gardner to the mercy of the winds;
Now stands barren and
delights in the apple tree.
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