I think that in the end
All we need is not a lover,
But someone to believe in us.
Someone like a mother

Someone who can see us
Even with all of our mistakes
And all the faults they see in us
And still go on and say

With a fond smile and a
Thoughtful nod, and certainty they
Affirm "you're gonna be alright,
"You're gonna be okay."

As I was walking 'round, one day
My face downcast and grim
I heard a stray conversation
They spoke about HIM.

"Jesus is nothing special, man;
He's just another guy."
Not really , I thought to myself,
He made the earth and sky

Thinking on this brought my face up
Chased away the grim
Why ever should I doubt his might
When He took all my sin?

She lost it

The one thing that made her happy

And she lost it.

She cries
Every
Night

For it

And starts funds

And cries for help

And writes poetry

And you have the audacity

To be bored

With her pain?

How dare you?

"Is she done yet"

"That is so last month"

"Like I would give money to a legal reject"

Help her.

Don't hate her.

Prey, help her poor soul
Can't you tell she's drowning?

6 months it had been to the day
And tbh all I can say
Is judging by the way you play
I don't know you anymore.

I wish things were the same.

I'm sorry I didn't know

You drew them everywhere.
On your wrists
Under your hair.

You drew away the pain
A little something
To keep you sane.

You drew away the tears
And held close
All your fears.

I'm sorry I couldn't tell.

You drew away the hell
I couldn't see
That you were hurt as well.

You drew away the hurt.
Covering your heart
In dirt.

Why didn't you tell me?

But you drew the butterflies...

Maybe you did tell me.
Maybe I just wasn't listening.

Spiders
That's normal, though
Having the ones I love betray me.
I always blame myself.
Being stuck with half my face in water and being immobilized.
The one thing that is keeping me alive kills me
When I feel lonely
I cry myself to sleep
When no one shows up to the class I teach
I tell myself that they all hate me and that's why they don't come
When I feel like everyone hates me, but I know they don't.
*I want to tell someone, but I can't put it into words.

It doesn't say "only whites"
Or
"Only if you're black"

It doesn't say "only Jews"
Or
"Only if you're not"

It doesn't say "only women"
Or
"Only if you're male"

It doesn't say "only gays"
Or
"Only if you're straight"

It doesn't say "only Sinless"
Or
"Only if you're clean"

It says "repent"
And
It says "believe"

It says "He loves"
And
It says "He sees"

It says "He died
Upon
A cross"

It says "He lives"
And
"Died for us"

It says "He wore
A
Thorny crown"

And died and rose
Up
From the ground

He loves and saves
Us
From our sins

Despite our looks
Or
Thoughts within

He will return
To
Us one day

And come to take
Us
Elect away

I guess this isn't one of my usual poems
I'm not going to try and use captivating imagery
Or try and put into words
Things I've never said out loud
But I want to tell you a story
When I was 16 years old
My parents gave me a purity ring
It's plain silver, and around the band,
It says
"True love waits"
For so long, when I put it on my finger
I would make sure the word on the outside
The visible edge
Would be turned to the word "love"
I guess I just wanted to say
That I think I'm growing
Maybe in a better way
Because I no longer
Want the ring turned that way.
Now I turn it to the word "waits"
Maybe it's just silly thoughts
Or maybe I'm learning
That it's not about the love that I'm waiting for
It's about the waiting

And all the while,
I'm hurting just like you


Only you can't tell.

All things must end
Good and bad
We don't always get happy endings
But if we're lucky,
And very, very blessed,
We might keep getting happy beginnings.

Pray
Pray even if you don't speak out loud
Even if you've never prayed before
Even if all you do is say "Thank you"
Even if you fall down on your knees
Begging for peace

Pray
Pray even if you can't feel Him near
Even if He hasn't spoken back
Even if all you do is let tears fall
Even if you raise up your hands to Him
And ask forgiveness

Pray
Pray even if you haven't seen Him
Even if you haven't felt His hand
Even if  you scream in anger
Even if you have lost all your strength
And any hope

Pray
Pray even if you have nothing left
Even if you have been hurt badly
Even if you think He hates you
Even if you don't think He hears you
He will listen

Just speak to Him

I finally opened up
After all your prying
And you still didn't understand
How hard that was for me to do.

And she looked in the mirror
And whispered
"I don't know you"

Death is just a shadow
A passing spot of gray
Leading into sunlight
And bringing on the day

Endure it for a moment
As bad as pain may be
Rest in the arms of Jesus
Sad may you never be

May you never be hurt
And may you find your peace
And find your rest upon the cross
May laughter never cease

And when upon the gates
Of Heaven you may knock
I pray upon the golden road
Your feet will always walk

I hope you're happy where you are
And happy ever more
Your boat is soon to rest upon
Sand of the golden shore

Rest in peace, my long lost friend
May kindness find your heart
May you and every blessing
Never be apart.

I keep hearing
Everyone say
"Drop people
Who bring negativity
Into your life"
And that's all well and good

But everyone
Brings some kind
Of negativity into
Your life
And following
That rule
Will only make you
Lonely
And alone

And at the end of the day
True friendship
Is about
Forgiveness
And second chances
And ****** if I'm not going to give
All the love
Forgiveness
And second chances
I can

Because in reality
The only people that matter
Are the ones who do the same
To you

Am I the only one
Who loves
When I'm in a car
And it's pouring
Down rain
And you go under a bridge
And everything
Just for a moment is peaceful
And quiet?

I wish it happened more often.
But then it wouldn't be so special.

I wish I could record for you
The noise inside my head
The screaming and the voices
Of the words I've never said
But when my finger hits record,
The red dot starts to flash
And all I hear is silence
When I try to play it back

One day it will be over
One day the pain will stop
One day with every breath I take
My heart and soul won't drop

One day I'll breathe again
With ease I'll find my sleep
One day our trials will go away
We'll finally get some peace

One day these walls won't know my tears
As well as they do now
But here I'm barely staying here
I'm trying not to drown

We're held back by hard "what ifs"
And chained by cold "somedays"
If I can say anything, it's that
One day we'll be okay

You ask me why I'm leaving
It's really plain to see
The point of my departure
The lies that you told me

I let you get close to me
And let you steal my heart
You were a devil in disguise
From the very start

I choose to be the heart-breaker
I'll be the one to leave
But now I lay awake all night
Just trying just to see

"This was my fault", the voices say
They tempt me to believe
The one in wrong wasn't you
The voices say it's me

But one day I will begin
To see that from the start
The one at fault wasn't me
For you-thief- stole my heart

And with it, you took my will
To breathe, and eat, and live
The longing I had to go on
You just wanted to win

Well there you see, I'm broken
I hope your happy now
All you wanted was to be king
And now you wear the crown.

But more than anything I hope
That it's not what you thought
I hope that you are miserable
For devil, you've been caught.

It always seems to help
A kind of self...self-help
To diagnose this

It always seems better
Released from the fetters
Of my emotions

I can smile

Every time we talk
.
.
.
.
.
.
I come away crying

Life is sad
Life is depressing
Life is slow
Life is angry
Life is rough
Life is...too much.

So breathe deep
Sing loudly
Dance any way you want
Have long emotional conversations
Listen to music
Take long showers
And never
Ever
Feel unloved.

It comes to all of us
That fear
That maybe
We were meant
To be alone
To just fade away
Until no one remembers you
Except in fleeting summer thoughts
Of yesterday
That everyone
We meet
We push away
But it's all
Every bit
A matter of patience
And understanding
Patience to find ways to cope
And understanding
That it may not come
In the way you think it will

I walked in this morning,
The people spoke
The bell rang
I got to my seat
The oven is on
The lights flicker to brightness
And he begins to speak
He
Teacher
Magister
The king
Of the classroom
Smells
Waft through
Across my nose
Drifting
Into my nostrils
Sweet release
From the hell
So many sounds
Too many sounds
It's too loud
I can't hear
I can't feel
Stop
Stop!
Help me
I can't
Can't
Can't...

You know of what I'm speaking
That icy cold of death
That tingling of your neck hairs
The anger on his breath

He tells you that he loves you, though
And that is why this works
But still his arms are cold as snow
And every blow still hurts

With every scar he leaves you,
Tears run down your face
He asks you why you're crying so
And says "Everything's okay"

But as you shudder, freezing
And goosebumps flood your skin
You feel your remorse leaving
And letting him come in

His arms-the ones that bruise you
For now seem warm and safe
But your mind betrays you
Those arms will start to chafe

No, no, he never loved you
For loving doesn't hurt
And even when he found you,
His heart was a desert

And in the years they'll wonder
Why you never spoke
Of the pain that he afflicted
And horrors that he wrote

But they wouldn't have listened
For they don't understand
That enclosed by his hurtful fist
Was a loving hand

And why would you ever
Betray that loving touch
For though the scars hurt so,
He loves you oh so much

I'm good-ish with words,
so I'll use them to say
That you're​ my best friend
In every single way.
You make me smile,
And tow me around
And you laugh at me
When I fall to the ground

But I guess it's okay,
That's what best friends do
And I have to say,
You are my muse,
You're my inspiration
The thoughts in my head
I pray for you daily
when I go to bed

You've been there for me,
I've been there for you,
We've argued and fought,
But we made it through.
God gave me your smile,
He gave me your laugh
He gave me your love, and
We never looked back.

I don't know too much,
But this much, I do,
I don't want to live
in a world without you.
God gave me your hugs
And your friendship to treasure
And this much I know:
I'll love you forever.

So here's to the laughs
And here's to the pain
Here's to the sun
And here's to the rain,
Here's to the smiles
On both our faces
Here's to the miles
In all of life's races

And here's to the God
Who pushed us together
Forming a bond
That will never sever
And here's to you,
Dearest of hearts
Here's to the ends
And here's to the starts

Here's to the coffees,
The rough, and the tough
The time I spend with you
Is never enough
Here's to a future
With you and with me,
I don't know what will happen
But I can't wait to see.

So here's to the loveliest,
The dearest and best,
Here's to the Skype calls
And getting no rest
I love you more than
All these words can say,
But here's to the love
That will always stay.

My life is agony
A silent scream
Only I can hear

Pain
Sweet
Bitter pain
A heaven of
Screams
A hell of
Bliss

What is this?
Who am I?
What am I doing here?

In this world
I am the antagonist

The evil one
Fighting
For her own gain.

Sweet God help me

I'm drowning again.

People don't understand
That even as a joke
Just the way I am
Clouds my heart with tears

Every picture I see
Are pictures of failure
Even being me
I'm failing there, too

I'm just so tired of it
Feeling not good enough
It burrows a pit
Deep in my stomach

Wish I could see myself
As more than just nothing
Throwing my heart on a shelf
Along with all my other fears.

She's so perfect
I'm a reject
They don't hear or see my tears.

She can hurt me
And/or mock me
Through and through to all the years.

I can't tell them
That I'm hurting
It will make me seem so rude

'She's so perfect'
'She can't hurt you'
'Just stop being mean and cruel.

I'm afraid that
Soon I will hate her.

I am sick
Of being lonely
And without a soul friend
I am tired
Of being exhausted
From the lack
Of companionship
I've no one to turn to
And I'm tired
Of being broken
And alone
And drained
And helpless
And I don't know
How much longer
I can last

My only hope
Is that one day
He will come
And wipe my tears
Away

Everyone says
That it will all be okay
And that everyone will stay
Is that really the way?
I can't do this alone

But what happens
When they take it all for real
You fake a smile you don't feel
Set your resolve like steel
You've got to press on through.

It's come again
I am drowning on my own
I am lost and feel alone
My heart feels cold like stone
I can't do it this time

It was a fluke
How I survived for this long
Pretending to be strong
Just walking on along
Can't do this anymore

I don’t understand
Why the most important thing
Is to be physically beautiful.

I don’t understand why it is required that
We do our best to impress
People we don’t even know
It’s all for show

So why do we go on
Dragging our feet
Smiling on the street
But crying inside

When the tears that streak
Our eyes
When we cry
Show the beauty we hide

We may be broken
We may be sad
But we are all beautiful
On the inside