I know it hurts
I know that every day it hurts
And that you want it to end
I know that the burden on your heart is
Welling up in your chest
Threatening to explode
I know that
Sometimes you think
About what it would be like
To just slip away
And out of this life
But I promise you
I swear
On everything
Good
In this world
It will get better
You will heal
One day
Things will get better
One day you won't feel
Like there is
A knife
In your back
Panic won't swell from your throat
It will be
Good
Someday
You just have to decide
To get through
One
Day
Just one
And then
One more
And before you know it
You will be
In bed
Next to the love
Of your life
The sun
Will rise
On a beautiful day
With peace on the breeze
And you will be better
You will get better
You will be happy

Yeah, I comfort you
Yeah, I come through
When youre upset
I come right away

But then you go
And you insult me
And without knowing
You break me down

Yeah, I love you
As my brother
I could help you
Like no other

But then you go
And you insult me
And without knowing
You break me down

I can't help you
I can't come through
I can't love you
If you hurt me

But then you go
And you insult me
And without knowing
You break me down

But I hold it in
Like secret sin
This is my crutch;
You hold me down

But then I go
And I help you
And I come through
Like I always do

Because
Yeah, I can't stand
Without your hand
But, my darling
You hold me down.

And then you go
And you insult me
And without knowing
You break me down

So help me, help me
I'm falling free
I can't tell you
How it hurts.

Because you go
And you insult me
And without knowing
You break me down

Brother mine,
I can't describe
And I
Can't take this anymore.

Then you go
And you insult me
And without knowing
You break me down

Even with all the hardship
The heartbreak
The death
The lies
And evil of this world,
There is still some good.
There is still the moon reflecting off dark water
There is still birds singing in the sun
There are still nights like tonight
And it's nights like this,
With the window open to the cold air
The stars and moon shining
The violin crickets
Good music
And old friends
That make all the sorrows
Of this world
Worth it

"Do not go gentle into that good night"
For if the demons hear of your fright
They will find ways to take your sight
And blend the darkness with the light

Dylan Thomas knew of his fate
He saw it there, like an oncoming freight.
But at avoiding it, he was too late
So doomed he was, and met for his date

With destruction.

Daytime
I can do daytime
I can go to work, and go shopping
I can go to dinner with an old friend
I can get dressed up and spend money till the cows come home
But nighttime
Nighttime is different
I can't do nighttime
That's when the demons come
They hunt me
Haunt me
Tell me lies
They tell me everything I believe
Everything I ever have believed
Is wrong
They tell me it's a hoax
And that's what I can't take:
All the noise
All this **** noise
It never leaves my head
It's like a thunderstorm
In my mind
Like a light switch
And ******
I can't
Turn
It
Off

I think that in the end
All we need is not a lover,
But someone to believe in us.
Someone like a mother

Someone who can see us
Even with all of our mistakes
And all the faults they see in us
And still go on and say

With a fond smile and a
Thoughtful nod, and certainty they
Affirm "you're gonna be alright,
"You're gonna be okay."

I finally gave him
All that I said I would.

She lost it

The one thing that made her happy

And she lost it.

She cries
Every
Night

For it

And starts funds

And cries for help

And writes poetry

And you have the audacity

To be bored

With her pain?

How dare you?

"Is she done yet"

"That is so last month"

"Like I would give money to a legal reject"

Help her.

Don't hate her.

Prey, help her poor soul
Can't you tell she's drowning?

6 months it had been to the day
And tbh all I can say
Is judging by the way you play
I don't know you anymore.

I wish things were the same.

You ask me why I'm leaving
It's really plain to see
The point of my departure
The lies that you told me

I let you get close to me
And let you steal my heart
You were a devil in disguise
From the very start

I choose to be the heart-breaker
I'll be the one to leave
But now I lay awake all night
Just trying just to see

"This was my fault", the voices say
They tempt me to believe
The one in wrong wasn't you
The voices say it's me

But one day I will begin
To see that from the start
The one at fault wasn't me
For you-thief- stole my heart

And with it, you took my will
To breathe, and eat, and live
The longing I had to go on
You just wanted to win

Well there you see, I'm broken
I hope your happy now
All you wanted was to be king
And now you wear the crown.

But more than anything I hope
That it's not what you thought
I hope that you are miserable
For devil, you've been caught.

Whenever I wander
Away from my Lord
Because I am lonely
Or because I am bored

He brings me back with a kiss on the cheek.
"Come back to me, my darling."

Every time we talk
.
.
.
.
.
.
I come away crying

I wish I could record for you
The noise inside my head
The screaming and the voices
Of the words I've never said
But when my finger hits record,
The red dot starts to flash
And all I hear is silence
When I try to play it back

It seems like lately
Its all been pain and frustration
And I realized
That I go to counseling
And I'm told about how toxic
All of my relationships are
And I realize
That I don't know who to love anymore
And I just don't know
If it's worth it to me
To rid myself of poison foods
If it means I'll have to starve.

And all the while,
I'm hurting just like you


Only you can't tell.

As I was walking 'round, one day
My face downcast and grim
I heard a stray conversation
They spoke about HIM.

"Jesus is nothing special, man;
He's just another guy."
Not really , I thought to myself,
He made the earth and sky

Thinking on this brought my face up
Chased away the grim
Why ever should I doubt his might
When He took all my sin?

My greatest guilt is a boy named Jack.
He needed me.
I told him to never lose hope...
And then I left him...

My greatest guilt is a boy named Jack...
And I fear I ruined his life.

I guess this isn't one of my usual poems
I'm not going to try and use captivating imagery
Or try and put into words
Things I've never said out loud
But I want to tell you a story
When I was 16 years old
My parents gave me a purity ring
It's plain silver, and around the band,
It says
"True love waits"
For so long, when I put it on my finger
I would make sure the word on the outside
The visible edge
Would be turned to the word "love"
I guess I just wanted to say
That I think I'm growing
Maybe in a better way
Because I no longer
Want the ring turned that way.
Now I turn it to the word "waits"
Maybe it's just silly thoughts
Or maybe I'm learning
That it's not about the love that I'm waiting for
It's about the waiting

All things must end
Good and bad
We don't always get happy endings
But if we're lucky,
And very, very blessed,
We might keep getting happy beginnings.

I'm sorry I didn't know

You drew them everywhere.
On your wrists
Under your hair.

You drew away the pain
A little something
To keep you sane.

You drew away the tears
And held close
All your fears.

I'm sorry I couldn't tell.

You drew away the hell
I couldn't see
That you were hurt as well.

You drew away the hurt.
Covering your heart
In dirt.

Why didn't you tell me?

But you drew the butterflies...

Maybe you did tell me.
Maybe I just wasn't listening.

My stomach churns
And my fingers ache
My brain screams
My heart shakes
I am deeply sick
In anxious anticipation
Of all the worlds I will write

It doesn't say "only whites"
Or
"Only if you're black"

It doesn't say "only Jews"
Or
"Only if you're not"

It doesn't say "only women"
Or
"Only if you're male"

It doesn't say "only gays"
Or
"Only if you're straight"

It doesn't say "only Sinless"
Or
"Only if you're clean"

It says "repent"
And
It says "believe"

It says "He loves"
And
It says "He sees"

It says "He died
Upon
A cross"

It says "He lives"
And
"Died for us"

It says "He wore
A
Thorny crown"

And died and rose
Up
From the ground

He loves and saves
Us
From our sins

Despite our looks
Or
Thoughts within

He will return
To
Us one day

And come to take
Us
Elect away

Pray
Pray even if you don't speak out loud
Even if you've never prayed before
Even if all you do is say "Thank you"
Even if you fall down on your knees
Begging for peace

Pray
Pray even if you can't feel Him near
Even if He hasn't spoken back
Even if all you do is let tears fall
Even if you raise up your hands to Him
And ask forgiveness

Pray
Pray even if you haven't seen Him
Even if you haven't felt His hand
Even if  you scream in anger
Even if you have lost all your strength
And any hope

Pray
Pray even if you have nothing left
Even if you have been hurt badly
Even if you think He hates you
Even if you don't think He hears you
He will listen

Just speak to Him

Spiders
That's normal, though
Having the ones I love betray me.
I always blame myself.
Being stuck with half my face in water and being immobilized.
The one thing that is keeping me alive kills me
When I feel lonely
I cry myself to sleep
When no one shows up to the class I teach
I tell myself that they all hate me and that's why they don't come
When I feel like everyone hates me, but I know they don't.
*I want to tell someone, but I can't put it into words.

You know of what I'm speaking
That icy cold of death
That tingling of your neck hairs
The anger on his breath

He tells you that he loves you, though
And that is why this works
But still his arms are cold as snow
And every blow still hurts

With every scar he leaves you,
Tears run down your face
He asks you why you're crying so
And says "Everything's okay"

But as you shudder, freezing
And goosebumps flood your skin
You feel your remorse leaving
And letting him come in

His arms-the ones that bruise you
For now seem warm and safe
But your mind betrays you
Those arms will start to chafe

No, no, he never loved you
For loving doesn't hurt
And even when he found you,
His heart was a desert

And in the years they'll wonder
Why you never spoke
Of the pain that he afflicted
And horrors that he wrote

But they wouldn't have listened
For they don't understand
That enclosed by his hurtful fist
Was a loving hand

And why would you ever
Betray that loving touch
For though the scars hurt so,
He loves you oh so much

Death is just a shadow
A passing spot of gray
Leading into sunlight
And bringing on the day

Endure it for a moment
As bad as pain may be
Rest in the arms of Jesus
Sad may you never be

May you never be hurt
And may you find your peace
And find your rest upon the cross
May laughter never cease

And when upon the gates
Of Heaven you may knock
I pray upon the golden road
Your feet will always walk

I hope you're happy where you are
And happy ever more
Your boat is soon to rest upon
Sand of the golden shore

Rest in peace, my long lost friend
May kindness find your heart
May you and every blessing
Never be apart.

And she looked in the mirror
And whispered
"I don't know you"

One day it will be over
One day the pain will stop
One day with every breath I take
My heart and soul won't drop

One day I'll breathe again
With ease I'll find my sleep
One day our trials will go away
We'll finally get some peace

One day these walls won't know my tears
As well as they do now
But here I'm barely staying here
I'm trying not to drown

We're held back by hard "what ifs"
And chained by cold "somedays"
If I can say anything, it's that
One day we'll be okay

Am I the only one
Who loves
When I'm in a car
And it's pouring
Down rain
And you go under a bridge
And everything
Just for a moment is peaceful
And quiet?

I wish it happened more often.
But then it wouldn't be so special.

And in my darkest moments
And most desperate
I wish you had gone farther
So that the scars I bear
Might be visible
And I could convince myself
That I have the right
To be broken.

I keep hearing
Everyone say
"Drop people
Who bring negativity
Into your life"
And that's all well and good

But everyone
Brings some kind
Of negativity into
Your life
And following
That rule
Will only make you
Lonely
And alone

And at the end of the day
True friendship
Is about
Forgiveness
And second chances
And ****** if I'm not going to give
All the love
Forgiveness
And second chances
I can

Because in reality
The only people that matter
Are the ones who do the same
To you

It comes to all of us
That fear
That maybe
We were meant
To be alone
To just fade away
Until no one remembers you
Except in fleeting summer thoughts
Of yesterday
That everyone
We meet
We push away
But it's all
Every bit
A matter of patience
And understanding
Patience to find ways to cope
And understanding
That it may not come
In the way you think it will