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 Jun 2019 Marisa Lu Makil
mads
It’s the kind of sadness where your rib cage
Contorts
And twists and
Snaps.

Depression doesn’t float through my veins
It crawls through my bones, with dagger hands
And winding movements.

I cannot breathe.

And yet there was nothing taken from me.
But then again you took everything all at once the moment you looked in my eyes, covered my mouth and forced me down.

I don’t know why your smell still lingers in my every thought.

I’m not scared anymore.
 Jun 2019 Marisa Lu Makil
larni
i overthink
i panic
i stress
i worry

but

i trust
i care
i stay
i love
 Jun 2019 Marisa Lu Makil
Chaos
I lose myself when I walk away from you.

I know.
I'm not supposed to.

I'm meant to be strong and sure.
I'm meant to be brave.
I'm meant to be independent.

And I am.

It's just so much easier with you there.
Right beside me.
Holding my hand.
Lending me strength when I have nothing left to give.

I am independent.
I swear.

Just sometimes I don't want to be.
 Jun 2019 Marisa Lu Makil
Ithaca
reading
old material
from depressed
me is like walking
into hell with a parka
and an umbrella.

reading
old material
from pessimistic
you is like eating a
chocolate covered
pine cone.
I tried to save you many times before
Witnessed others try to save you too
Finally I realize that the only person
Able to save you from your demons is you
I don't want to save you, only show you the light you have within you so you can use it to save yourself
Lead me to the dark blue ocean.

Push me down, help me sink.

It can’t get any darker.

I am ready, drowning is my will.
I wrote this a year ago when I was headed to the bottom again. I'm glad I don't identify myself in those lines anymore, at least most of the time.
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