Mandii Morbid

Mandii Morbid May 9

I tell myself, I'm not a mother,
In this lifetime, this plane.
Maybe in another.
I just quietly hold this pain.

But in my soul,
I held you whole.
My sweet little one, it hurt more than I can say to let you go.

As you lived in me once before,
I hope to feel your soul once more.
I'll cradle you and tend your little wings.
My heart it aches, for the promises of someday always stings.

I bled you out against my will,
I dream of who you could have been,
Or could be still.
A part of me was lost with you then.

One day, I hope to hold your tiny hand in mine.
Some day, I hope to hear your wanting cry.
One day, I hope to see your sweet green eyes shine.
Some day, I hope I'll never have to say goodbye.

I want to feel your heartbeat beneath my touch.
I want to sing you lullabies and hold you tight.
I want to give you the world, it would never be too much.
I want to chase away the darkness, wash you in the light.

I tell myself, I am a mother,
In this lifetime, this plane.
No whispers of maybe in another.
In the here and now.
It erases that old pain.
Those little wings will find me-
I know it somehow.

I know it somehow.

#lost #baby #miscarriage #hope #motherslove #wings

Mandii Morbid May 6

Track 4. (Always Gonna Be Mine)

Laying with heavy words- trying to regulate myself.
Sifting through the confusion of my heart and mind.
That soul bound undeniable bond I left sitting on my heart's shelf.
The tangible consistency of another that logic tries to remind.

But these words, they haunt me, and shake me awake.
They bring forth these tears and tell me all else is fake.

Me: "I know. I hate how much you still affect me."
You: "And that's because you're always gonna be mine no matter who is with you."
Me: "I'm yours... but are you mine?"
You: "Yes."

There it is finally written, brought to the light.
That red string of fate- we've always been tied.
The embers of my heart forced to ignite.
Every nerve in my body so suddenly fried.

Craving this unspoken love we always try and fail to deny.
You light me up like my phone in the middle of the night.
I know I shouldn’t take the bait, I know it’s not right.
I was never truly able to say goodbye.

Now I know, you didn’t feel nothing after all.
You held on too, it was real for you.
We are still soul-tied, mi amor, braced for the fall.
I’m still yours, somehow you always knew.

Even in the silence, the distance, and time’s passing.
Something between us feels everlasting.
I tried to close it off, let it go, say no.
But in my chest, tender and slight,
that fire I once mentioned is still burning bright.

They were no embers, they raged in my chest,
Chasing after tinder, to save the flame,
when you left me a drenched and dreary mess.
I know if we meet again, we’ll still feel exactly the same.
Hungry and destined to collide once more.
Say it will be the last time, your ghost will not haunt me like before.

Tell me, please, you won’t break me again.
I would forgive your every sin.
Just to be with you, skin to skin.
Hold your hand, make you smile within.
Watch me risk it all, everything I hold dear.
If you would only choose to let go of your fear.
Why can’t you just be here?
Just say that you’ll always be near.

As I said once before:

The world would have us star-crossed,
please, mi amor,
don't accept that our future is lost.
I still hold on to the dream, the one of you and me.
A steady candlelight vigil, a flame of hope, in my heart for only you to see.
Did it not feel meant to be?
Your words spelled it out to me... finally.

Track 4. (Always Gonna Be Mine) is like a confession, a reckoning, a love letter, and a wound all at once. It’s intended to be raw, melodic, and aching with emotional precision.

I wanted to use actual dialogue that makes it feel cinematic — like you’re watching the moment unfold in real time, suspended in truth.

I seek to thread hope, heartbreak, and hunger together seamlessly in this one — never leaning too far into despair or fantasy, but walking the line between both as that's life...

“Did it not feel meant to be?
Your words spelled it out to me... finally.”
I want it to linger like the final note of this song that won’t quite end.

#always #soulmates #stillyours #soultied

Mandii Morbid Apr 1

Track 3. (Nothing to You)

"I'm happy that you're doing better now."
You send to me in the middle of the night.
I thought I moved past you, got myself right.
I'm here asleep beside another man,
Where once you belonged.
But I felt all those feelings again, now joined by the anger at how I was wronged.

Now my heart is afraid and crudely wrapped in barbed wire. Your cowardice killed both my passion and fire.

Was I just something exotic for you to conquer? To taste?
A body to add to your collection, time to waste?

Why did you pursue me so adamantly just to turn away?
Why did you act like you cared just to leave one day?

You don't love me how I loved you.
I was just a pretty face to view.
You ignored all the parts of me that weren't any fun.
I was just a beautiful body to be done.
I listened to you and sought out your soul.
You just wanted only pieces of me, not the whole.

Why did I believe it when you said you wouldn't play with my heart?
Cause now you message me your bare minimum words and they tear me apart.

When I finally start to feel better, finding my groove. You dig in your claws, you make your move.

To see if I am still yours, but I'll never reveal.
I won't respond, I don't know if I will ever truly heal.

You don't give a **** about me-
You just want to ease your guilt.
You don't follow me online but yet still check to see.
If there's still a fire for you in the heart I rebuilt.
Is it to feed your ego? What for?
Testing the waters, looking for an open door?

Someone else is in your place,
But I can't forget you, I can't erase.
Every memory and the smile on your face.

All the words you said and the plans we made. The promises you spoke but you let fade.

I hate that I miss you every single day.
I still wake up before the sun rises.
For the good mornings you no longer say.
This unfinished melody always doomed to reprises.
My brain wants you to just go away.
Yet my heart it clings and idolizes.

I deserve better- what you said then was true.
If this is how you truly are then, better certainly isn't you.
A man who would awaken my love and then turn and run.
Is no man to me, he's just somebody's son.
A boy, not a man, worthy of my love.
Acting as if you can rise above.
You stole it from me and said I gave it for free.
Telling me to keep the memory.

Like it was something to treasure and something precious to hold. I gave you warmth, but you turned so cold.

I should destroy every trace of you, block your number too.

Some part of me doesn't want to let go.
Cause it would be the end and I'll finally know.

The truth of what I was to you, maybe I already knew?
You were all I ever wanted but I was nothing. Absolutely nothing to you...

Mandii Morbid Feb 15

Track 2. (All I Wanted)

I'm not sure why I always set myself up.
Handing over my love, like it's an overflowing cup.

I don't know how I still find a way to trust,
thinking this time will be better and giving in to lust.

I wish I was whole, not broken and just glued together.
I want to believe it when someone finally promises forever.

I don't want another lesson, another passing ship.
I wanted your love, that's only part of it.

I wanted quiet evenings in each other's arms,
I wanted lazy weekends- snoozing our alarms.

I wanted understanding and a knowing touch.
I wanted a lover who didn't think I was too much.

I wanted sleepless nights, messing up the sheets.
I wanted new adventures, strolling through the streets.

I wanted hands who could hold tightly on to my own,
I wanted a heart that was not afraid to be shown.

I wanted virtual voyages in our favorite games.
I wanted shared memes, that's us, and silly names.

I wanted more memories scorched into my heart.
I wanted a lifetime, not to be so suddenly torn apart.

I wanted the dreams and hopes we co-created.
I wanted to believe this meeting was fated.

I wanted to give you all of me- my heart, body, and soul.
I wanted reciprocity, no need to ask or pay a heavy toll.

But did you ever want the same?
You once told me you did.
Was this just a game?
Why did you open me up and throw away the lid?

I miss your hand in mine.
Your skin on my skin.
The way your dark coffee eyes shine.
Your voice, a melody, I was always sinking in.

You once asked me how to win my heart.
You held it in your hands, the moment I felt our first spark.

I can't say you made me weak, for you actually made me strong.
I was losing myself before we met, but I was saved by our song.

So suddenly, you were lost, I didn't know what to do.
In the end all I really wanted was you. </3

#love #heartbreak #falling #soulmate #withoutyou #counterpart

Mandii Morbid Jan 27

Track 1. (unfinished melody)

I wanna write about our first date,
Suddenly blinded by this twist of fate.
I never thought we’d be running on borrowed time.
I swear your lips felt as if they belonged against mine.
Your smile lit up my life, warm like a crackling fire,
Wordless passion made a feast of our mutual desire.
Yet, your hands, they spoke of safety and softness and peace.
Wrapped within your embrace, I found the sweetest release.
The world would have us star-crossed,
please, mi amor, don't accept that our future is lost.
I still hold on to the dream, the one of you and me.
A steady candlelight vigil, a flame of hope, in my heart for only you to see.
Though it aches and cries for our stolen melody.
I still hold on to our dream, the one of you and me.
Minutes feel like hours, days toil like years.
Every moment passing, I wish I could ease your fears.
I want to be your safe place, where you can finally breathe.
I want to be your comfort, not just someone you'll be forced to leave.
You taught me words and shared your ways,
I was counting down the days.
Piojito, a soothing caress.
Running my fingers lightly through your hair and down your back to chase away your stress.
The other part of me was found in you the moment we met.
I was yours without yet knowing, there’s no way I can forget.
Your voice drowned out the static, always putting me at ease.
Those dark eyes reflected promises and made me so eager to please.

I'm not finished but I need to get the words out... I don't want to believe it's impossible for our story to continue... the world is uncertain and it's tearing us apart. I wanna hold this dream alive in my heart.

#connection #confessions #seperation #growinglove #hope #redstring #otherhalf #soultie #starcrossed

Mandii Morbid Jan 24

ASHES OF TYRANNY, ROOTS OF CHANGE

If THEY cannot rebuild this country with love, empathy, and compassion—

If THEY only destroy communities, tear apart families, sow distrust, mislead, interrogate, gaslight, condemn, and grow fat off OUR fellow humans—

If WE cannot trust OUR representatives, those in power, OUR system of law, OUR doctors, OUR teachers, and the people who hold OUR lives and those of OUR loved ones in THEIR hands—

Then what kind of world do THEY seek to create?

THOSE MEN, draped in their wolfskin suits, armored in dollar bills, wearing false masks of humanity, do not deserve the power they wield.

If this is the system THEY choose to uphold, one that thrives on exploitation, suffering, and deceit, then let it crumble. Let it burn.

And from the ashes of this failed system and flawed government, WE will rise. WE will rebuild—not with greed or oppression, but with unity, justice, and the courage to do what is right.

This is OUR country, OUR problems, OUR responsibility to make it right.

WE will not bow. WE will not be broken. WE will not stand idly by as THEY feast on the labors and suffering of OUR people. The time for change is now, and it belongs to all of US.

#fight #revolt #change #forthepeople #etr #fuckthegovernment #humanrights #standup

Mandii Morbid Nov 2024

Never Home

I have never felt it in a place.
Only moments, with people I loved, in fleeting feelings that were shown.

But never had there been a space.
One I called my own.
Never had there been a place I could truly call my home.

I've been a wanderer it seems,
through each and every bed.
I've been a walker in their dreams.
I've been a lost soul, only visiting instead.
A lonely ghost to host.
A momentary thought in their head.
A passing ship at most.
A book that won't be re-read.

But never had there been a space.
One I called my own.
Never had there been a place I could truly call my home.

I'm a vagabond, one second here,
Then doomed to disappear.
Hoping to be opaque, but only coming out sheer.
A changeling, an outsider, missing the in-between.
Losing all my magic, till there's none left to be seen.

But never had there been a space
One I called my own.
Never had there been a place...
Because I'm never
never
home.

A little review from a friend that perfectly emphasizes what I am trying to convey here: "Captures the ache of feeling unrooted, as though your true “home” exists only in transient connections, not physical spaces. Each stanza flows with a sense of yearning and loneliness—of being a "wanderer" and a "ghost" who’s never fully seen. The repetition of never home adds a haunting resonance, emphasizing this longing for belonging and self-discovery. There’s a fragile strength in this vulnerability, and it feels deeply honest. Your words bring a complex, poignant reflection to life."

#lonely #homeless #lost #temporary #loss