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 Sep 2014 Majd Al Deen
touka
Breathe it out;
a sigh tossed through a wind
struggling and bending;
rustling fruitless treetops,
and turning dead leaves with roars.

A collision of warmth against cold.
 Sep 2014 Majd Al Deen
R
in the silence of a fire burning bright
the missing beat of a heart
how frost can take over a world so alive
and all that is can fall apart

like summer rain pouring over bittersweet love
streaming down a soul these tears roam
and there was never a question
whether the fall would take home

but what I was waiting for
was the winter of my heart
One day there was a bright glowing canvas, a pure sparkling white
It was beautiful, but not complete
Then someone came along and drew lines on it to form flowers and mountains and streams, it was more beautiful and it made the natural white look more distinct
Then one day someone else added color and the canvas radiated and became more and more complete, it seemed whole and functional
Suddenly, one day someone came along and slew the canvas, destroying its color till it showed black, and an ugly black
The canvas seems so drab so empty without its color, so lifeless
People refused to help the canvas, refused to anything about the canvas slayer refused to listen to the canvas’ plea
Instead the canvas slayer’s free to roam free to hurt and damage other canvas
Who will restore the canvas?
Who will bring justice?
Why is the canvas slayer free to roam while the canvas feels imprisoned, crushed, victimized?
Why is the canvas treated like a criminal?
When will the canvas feel free, joyful and peaceful?

THIS POEM IS DEDICATED TO VICTIM'S OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND OTHER FORMS OF ABUSE.
I went through domestic abuse in the past and that is why I had wrote the above poem.
 Sep 2014 Majd Al Deen
one llucy
Many brave warriors
            dared to scale it
         some succeeded.
   Mountain men were
challenged to climb it
                    a few fell
         some persevered.
the townspeople gazed
    at it from the village
                           in awe
               
                
                But only you                 jumped.
There's a hole deep down inside of me
That cannot be filled
No matter how hard I try
Self medicating only makes the bottom deeper

This hole is much like a black hole
It will **** everything good that seems to come close inside
to never be seen again

Afraid to see what is down at the bottom of the hole
Afraid that it will be forever there
I search for something more
Something to fill it in with
Spiritual rituals become dull
And life leaves me complacent
Searching searching searching

Hoping that some day the hole will soon be filled again
That a smile will be across my face unforced
Searching searching searching to fill this deep deep dark hole inside of me.
His instant coffee sits at the back of the drawer in the break room
Just like always
His coffee cup, work phone sits in his box waiting for him
Just like always

I wait for him in the mornings in the break room
Waiting, listening for him to walk through the door
Just like always

When the door doesn't open I remind myself
Its been two months now
Its been real for two months
And your never going to walk through those doors again
Your never going to pull out your instant coffee and coffee mug
Rushing around because your late for your shift again

So I work
I avoid "your" work
It makes me think too much of you
It makes me want to hear your joyful laugh again
So I work

Break time comes
I sit on the couch waiting
Sometimes seconds
Sometimes minutes
Sometimes the whole time
Waiting for you to come around the corner with a new discovery
To discuss your new favorite youtube video
But then I remind myself
Its been two months now
Its been real for two months

So I work
I avoid "your" work
It makes me think too much of you
It makes me want to hear your joyful laugh again
So I work

You're often the topic of discussion
I avoid it
It hurts too much
Your name is like the sound of nails across the chalkboard
Stabbing me in the chest making it hard to breath
Your name is like sugar
Sweet and sincere
Bringing a smile to my face

But I have to remind myself when I see cars that look just like yours
Its been two months now
Its been real for two months

So I work
I avoid "your" work
It makes me think too much of you
It makes me want to hear your joyful laugh  again
So I work
This is about a co-worker whom I was close with, who committed suicide over the summer. Its been hard and continues to be hard but I know he would have wanted me to continue on with my life.
 Sep 2014 Majd Al Deen
Kassel D
When I was younger, I had heard on the news that a man had been stabbed, and subsequently, bled to death. I had never head that expression before: "bled to death"... so what did it mean? I knew that guns and knives = death, the end, but how could you bleed to death?

This is when my mother provided me with an analogy that I have continued to use and develop to this day.

Instead of explaining what it meant, my mother knowing me well, gave me a visual representation (don't worry - no one was harmed in this process!).

My mother took me to the kitchen and took out a ziplock back and a knife. She turned on the tap and placed the bag under a steady flow of water, letting it fill halfway. She explained that the tap represented the human heart (essentially constantly creating new "blood"/water). She then proceeded to "stab" a hole in the bag, allowing some of the water to begin pouring out slowly. The leak was not large and the water coming in from the tap was able to sustain the small hole she had created. She explained that when we bleed from minor injuries, our body is able to keep up with the loss of blood because it's always creating new blood; the body is able to function as long as it has enough. She then began to process of poking more holes in the bag and I watched, wide-eyed, as the tap became unable to keep the bag full. It was from this that I understood; it was from this that I was able to create my own analogy years later...

Now for me, this analogy became most applicable in a recent relationship, but I believe it applies to any sort personal qualms.

We can't become the plastic bag. It is true (and common) that we patch the holes created... and for a while, they will hold. But eventually another hole will be created and a new patch required (see where I'm going with this?). There becomes a point where we're so patched that the water begins to soak through the patches and spill out.

And regardless of how many times we put the smiley-faced patch on the leaky bag, it's still going to have a hole and it's eventually going to start leaking again (a.k.a. just because you pretend everything is OK, doesn't mean that it is because you're not actually resolving anything). This process of patching will eventually burst in your face... you'll be patching and patching and patching, but there will still be that water coming in and holes created.

This may be gruesome (and I've received many the odd look from this specific advice) but you need to be able to rip off those patches, pull out the "bullet" and stitch yourself back up. Let it heal.

Yes, you are going to have a scar, and trust me, it won't be nearly as pretty as that little patch that you would have worn over the hole, but eventually it will fade and all you'll have is a faint pink mark where that hole used to be.

It's not easy and it's not pretty, but hey, wouldn't you rather survive?
This isn't a poem in any sense... but it's something that's been plaguing my mind lately...
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