YOU BURN YOUR TONGUE AND TAPE YOUR MOUTH SHUT TRYING TO KEEP THE CALORIES OUT AND AFTER YOUR FIRST NICE MEAL IN A WHILE YOU SPEND THE NEXT HALF HOUR TRYING TO TOSS IT BACK UP AND BETWEEN THE EATING TOO LITTLE AND THE EATING TOO MUCH YOU PUSH YOUR THIGHS APART SO THE FAT DOESNT TOUCH. LOOSE THE TENDER PIECE ON YOUR BELLY BUT KEEP PULLING AT THE SKIN. YOU TURN YOUR RIB CAGE RED CLAWING AT IT LIKE THAT. LATER AT NIGHT WHEN THE WHOLE HOUSE IS ASLEEP, YOU LINE YOUR NAKED BODY UP WITH THE MIRROR SO YOU CAN WEEP AND -RAGE ABOUT IT SOME MORE. ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A ******* EYE SORE! GOT A ROTTEN CORE LIKE ALL THE FOOD HIDDEN IN YOUR DRAWERS.
ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A ******* EYE SORE!
ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A ******* EYE SORE!

DONT GET ME STARTED ON A BLANK PAGE AND THE THINGS YOU DO TO FILL IT UP. DONT GET ME STARTED ON MY ***** MIND AND ALL THE THINGS I DO TO CLEAR THE MUCK.
CLEANSE MY ******* BODY,
IM A WASTE OF MONEY HONEY. I NEED A DEEP RINSE AND A DEEP CONDITIONING. I NEED TO RELAX. I TAKE A HOT SHOWER AND A HOT BATH. ALL SOAP AND SUDS, I HOPE THIS IS GOOD ENOUGH.

She ***** him in the shower and when she's done she washes love down the drain with ***. Says "See you later" to a man she'll never see again And spends the next few weeks wondering about it... I ask her if it's worth the anxiety but she never responds. Maybe these acts remind one that they are loveable even when they are not loved?

She wants to know what its like to be the enemy, I tell her their hate has no **** remedy.
I am good at that, good at being disliked And I put people on my bad side all the time.

Yes, you hate yourself so much you want everyone to believe how selfish, ugly and rotten you are and you let them see all the true parts of yourself that are mean and bad, that would have been a secret in anybody else. You prove to the crowd that you are fowl and you speak out loud to yourself of the evil and the desires and the feelings you reasonably shouldn't have. You do not want them to look at you with kindness you prove you are not worth it and you put everybody, everybody on your bad side.

This is where I am.
Setteling like the dust between my floorboards...
With the dust even...
Honestly, I find myself on the ground a lot and this room has big windows and the light comes in at a slant and I can watch the lint dance from the curtains and hit the floor, like that, like me. Yes! I can watch the dust settle and not be restless at all!

I've used my mouth as a shovel before
I've gotten the dirt out of people
I've brought their knees to the floor
I've been an animal
I've been down on all fours

I was the ******* dog at your feet
I was begging for the treat

so I've been stained a bit
Drained a bit
I've been dragged around and around
I've been the quiet one and
I've been too loud

and I've been one to slither away
all my friends call me a snake
but
this is it
this is as bad as it gets
***** to be stuck
***** to ****



///////
it's hard to have a home and stay in it
it's hard to have a hobby and stick to it
and it's hard to find love and then sleep with it ... Me? I'm a monster all the way down. I've done things and I'm not proud.

this is how you get right with god
on your hands and knees,
begging,
" could you spare me please"

this is how you deal with his wrath,
when you're pleading with him
and strangers turn their backs to mummer "that ones a sociopath"
and it echoes in your pounding head,
their grins and hacking laughs
"that ones a sociopath,
that ones a sociopath"

velvet scrunchie
balled up money
I feel funny I feel funny
wet feet
dead meat
you and me
are dead meat

ripped tights
bug bites
another street fight
my wings are damp kites
forgot a light,
can I *** yours?

scratched disks,
you are the sound I missed when the record skipped

someone said I belong in a trash bin
broken chin
crooked grin
too thin too thin
tattoos made with a safety pins

yes she was star lit,
lying face down on the carpet
I love her this way
wish she'd pass out here everyday

I got voicemail again!
I write these letters
and you never respond
would you like me better if I said something nice about your sweater?

I feel sick again
fever, chills, muscle aches
it only happens when you flake
it only happens when you flake
I think I have the flu
ya I probably do
this cant be heart break
no it cant be heart break

you call me glum chum
I think I know why
I haven't smiled in awhile
I have scars on my thighs
I drink wine, get high
spill about how much I hate life

you call me glum chum
but I wipe crumbs off your
mouth with my thumb
don't play dumb
don't play dumb
also don't swallow your gum

It takes longer to fall asleep when someone else is in the room.
I've had sleep overs with ghosts,
I swear to god I have
because the mattress was creaking
when I wasn't moving
and the lights turned off
when my eye lids were drooping.

Right when I lit it she said,
"You're gonna regret it"
But I could already smell the smoke, I said "I swear to god I won't"

Destroying sand castles to be the restless kids everybody hated
because you couldn't love your master piece if it was in pieces

You shouldn't feel butterflies in your stomach when you see him. When you love  a person you should find them calming.
The way I see you with your hair up and no make up and no bra but your shirts still on... I would call that comfort in each other.
The intimate conversations we had made you feel more than any boys hands.
The unsuspecting pictures and my boring little lectures and us bonding over laundry was a sure sign of connection and there was never any tension.
And the truth is I hate to see you worrying about some dumb kid who doesn't care about you as much or more than I do but,

I'm not saying be in love with me,
I'm saying I hold your heart
the way he holds your hand.

I met the man of my dreams,
Problem is, I met him while sleeping.

I turn people into gods,
I'm upset when they have flaws.

You've got fangs like a dog but you're ******* for blood.

Twisting barbed wire around your head like a crown, strangling you on the couch... I'm hard to love but you'll never hate me.

Met an angel in an alley,
I'm sure all angels snort dust.
She told me she was lost.

I pointed towards the nearest ditch and said,
"Sweetheart, go home"

I hate the thinking about your body in the ground.
ghosts aren't real
but I knew you'd find a way to haunt me
I still have your ***** laundry
and I swear to god it talks to me//
I was smoking when
someone asked
how I deal with everything.
I blew smoke in their face
I said you'll feel this way someday
someday, someday, someday//
I feel the urge to dig up your bones
is there anywhere special you'd want to go?

I fell in love with the darker night.
I turned every glowing light into distant fire flies,
I laid my head in his lap with our fingers intertwined.
His thumb on my thigh, I knew his lips were not mine.
I need a constant reminder that the stars are not bitter,
another reminder the milky way is not glitter.

Oh starlust, stardust
Would you make my wish come true?

I picked violets for her
it was spring, the flowers seemed menacing.
Can I surpass a lilac past?
My thoughts are a deeper purple
and I'm drowning in petals.